I understand. I remember going through something similar. I was about 10 years sober and ended up in the ER for chest pains. They thought I was having a heart attack. To try and stop the spasms that my heart was having they tried to give me morphine and I fought them over it. LOL. I was trying to explain that I had been addicted to drugs and was a recovering alcoholic and couldn't take the morphine or it would be a relapse. They looked at me like I was nuts as the doc said "I don't care what you are -- you're under my care right now -- and this is what your getting."
I laid in the hospital for a couple of days in remorse and regret and wondering "Oh my God! I've lost my sobriety date! What's going to happen when I tell my sponsor, and all those newcomers that I've been helping? And, all the old-timers that helped me so far! My life is over!"
When I was able to use the phone, I called my sponsor and told him what happened. (He now has 53 yrs sober, so I trust him) ... he said "No. That's not a relapse. That's what normal people do. They follow their doctors orders and do what the doctor says to do. Consider this time -- a freebie. I hope you at least enjoyed a little bit of it because you put yourself though a mess of unnecessary feelings over it!"
So, I pass that on, to you. "No! That's not a relapse. That's normal."
Best wishes to you and for you!
Dallas
