I am amazed a little more each day at my ability to have survived, if anyone could have called that survival, for as many years as I have with my insanity.
A few simple words and phrases drilled into my head everyday, are actually starting to kick in. It is so nice to be given permission to "NOT THINK". Thinking has been such a dangerous thing for me in my past, although I'm starting to finally figure this out!
I was in a business today that I have done business with for years and they had a *new pricing plan* going. I was starting to think... hmmm $29.95 a month for unlimited. Not a bad deal! The owner of the place kept telling me I wouldn't like it because the price may have been more appealing BUT he knew I would hate this different product having done business with me for years. He then explained he knew my usage habits as well, having done business with me for years. I'm standing there gears turning, eyes spinning, THINKING, and saying BUT over and over. I stop myself miraculously and realize this was a fair man that valued my business and he did know my habits, likes, and dislikes. "DON'T THINK" and "NEVER SAY BUT" and "FOLLOW DIRECTIONS" started flashing in my head. I followed directions and I realized tonight just what I was doing today, with the thinking (insane thinking), buts (rationalizing and justifying my insanity), and not following directions (insane people should never make decisions, instead follow rational people's directions, right?) IT'S SO EASY!!!!!!! It wasn't till after I got home from an AA meeting, and a humorous chain of events with me actually saying "FOLLOW DIRECTIONS!" that I even started thinking about this business deal. It's absolutely refreshing to realize that I don't have to think, and I do have to follow directions. Damn, after the careers I have had in my past it makes it even easier, since all of those jobs said "DON"T THINK" "DON'T SAY BUT", and "FOLLOW DIRECTIONS" How could I have possibly overlooked these basic simple rules for all these years amazes me.
OH yeah I was thinking I was sane agin.. thats right I'm not sane BUT I'm getting better and it feels great!
Thanks for letting me share, and sorry about the overusage of the word "I" but, I couldn't think of another word for "I"
hmmmm "I" used twice and "but" used 1 time in the last sentence.. all I can say was I was thinking