- Change

Change




Topics related to AA Meetings - and alcohol addiction recovery

Change

Postby crickit » Tue Aug 16, 2005 3:10 pm

Hi everyone. I'm having a bit of a rough day today and thought rather than sit here ruminating I thought I would post how I'm feeling today and get it out in the open.

As you all know, I'm moving at the end of the month. I know we are not suppose to make major changes in our lives for the first year of recovery but I really didn't have much choice in the matter. So I've been trying to remain possitive and have been looking forward to the new beginning. But today I'm feeling sad for what I have to let go.

So I would like to talk about CHANGE

I was down in the basement going through the old archives and started going through old pictures, birthday cards from the kids, things they've made me in school or bought me from the dollar store. All these things have meant so much to me over the years but they are sitting in boxes in the basement. The more I looked through all this stuff the more I started to miss my old life, when the kids were still young and they needed me and looked up to me. Today things are very different. My son doesn't speak to me and my 2 girls are off doing they're own thing and I am preparing to start a new life on my own again. I know I need to get rid of a lot of the stuff I've collected over the years because I just don't have the room in the new place. Somehow it began to feel like by getting rid of things I'm getting rid of the past and realized maybe that's exactly what I need to do to be able to start fresh. I've been working so hard at letting go of the bad stuff but am left clinging to the good stuff.

So I need an outsiders insight. Why am I having such a difficult time today when I know this is the best thing for me. It's a brand new beginning and I was just getting to the point that I was actually looking forward to it. So I started to think about why I was feeling the way I was feeling. Was I afraid? What was I afraid of? I'm not afraid of doing this alone. I don't feel alone anymore and I know there are lots of other options if this doesn't work out so that's not it. Am I afraid I'm making the wrong move? No, I love the new apt and the opportunity to start fresh without the chaos that has been in my life up until now. Am I afraid of making the same mistakes? No, I'm a different person now and I'm very aware of the decissions I'm making because they are no longer made out of fear or running from or too anything.

So why can't I let go and move on???? I can't explain how I feel. I'm not depressed or angry or upset or even confused. I just feel sad. Maybe this is normal LOL.
I've sent an e-mail to my sponsor and should here back shortly from her and I'm going to bring this up and my home group meeting tonight but I would really appreciate your input into this.

thanks everyone for listening
With Love and Bright Blessings
Crickit
crickit
 
Posts: 132
Joined: Sun Jul 31, 2005 5:26 pm
Location: Ontario, Canada

Postby blueangel » Tue Aug 16, 2005 3:31 pm

I may be new to this, although I do know one thing about kids. just as the old saying goes, the older they get the smarter you get. I have a grown daughter that hated me at one point in her life, although as she gets older the more she seems to need me. As far as moving goes, freedom is great! You eat what you want, when you want. You watch what you want, and you don't have to tell anyone where you going, and absolutely nobody puts you down for going to meetings, or resents you for doing so.

Everyday since I regained my freedom I wake up and it's 10 times better than it was the day before. I don't have all that negative energy clouding my judgement, and I'm not getting all tripped up in other people's drama and insanity.

The absolutely best thing about freedom is you don't have to get dressed if you don't want to :lol: :lol:

Concentrate on all the positive things you will be gaining from the move, and have a great day!
Always, Kay
blueangel
 
Posts: 64
Joined: Sat Aug 06, 2005 9:38 pm
Location: Fort Smith, Arkansas

change

Postby Rusty Zipper » Wed Aug 17, 2005 12:14 am

hi Cricket, droped by and saw you post. no major change in the first year. hum!, uh-huh! let's see! most of us in the first year have not gone through the steps. how can we possibly handle the big kinds of change that the steps can help us deal with if we haven't done them. by that time we will be spiritual fit. meaning i finished the steps just after my year one. and all the things i faught, made sence. its normal to hold on to things. not accept change. whats the slogan? change or die! the whole program is about change. you will be ok. once you let go, the feeling will pass, and you will have a whole new outlook. we cant of course shut the door on the past. but we can certantly live in today. not tommorow, today. Cricket, take a stroll down memory lane, if you dare. if you do, be prepared for the feelings. thats ok. just do not get sucked in. always remember step-3, and rule # 62, and all will be as it should. one other thing. the Big Book say's that we should go through the steps as quickly as we can. how'd that get lost along the way. right Dallas? progress i guess? lol

hang in there Cricket! all is well, you didn't drink, or drug today... may god bless you and keep you ... until then ... xoxo Rusty :wink:
Rusty Zipper
 
Posts: 371
Joined: Fri Jul 29, 2005 11:19 pm
Location: My Room in CT.

Postby crickit » Wed Aug 17, 2005 12:25 am

Thanks Rusty and Kay. I brought the same topic up at the meeting tonight and my sponsor came prepared with this list and although some of you have probably already seen this I thought I would share.

To Let Go Takes Love - Surrender

To surrender means not to be protective of others.
It's to let our loved ones face their own reality.

To surrender means to stop trying to control others.
It's to use my energy to become what I dream I can be.

To surrender is not to regret the past.
It's to grow and live for the future.

To surrender is to stop denying.
It's to become more accepting of reality.

To surrender does not mean to stop caring.
It means I can't do it for someone else.

To surrender means I cannot enable any longer.
It means I have to allow others to feel their own consequences.

To surrender means to stop being in the middle of the arranging of events.
It's to allow others to impact their happenings.

To surrender is to be unwilling to adjust my schedule to everyone else's.
It's to take full responsibility for me.

To surrender is to fear less and give up guilt and inadequacy.
It's to love and accept both myself and others more.

*********************************************************

So I thought I did surrender but I guess I didn't. Every time I think 'I've got it' I realize I don't LOL. That's the great thing about this program. I keep learning.

Today I am greatful to have the capacity to learn and grow with an open mind.

HAPPY 24 HOURS
Crickit
crickit
 
Posts: 132
Joined: Sun Jul 31, 2005 5:26 pm
Location: Ontario, Canada

Postby blueangel » Wed Aug 17, 2005 2:38 am

Thank you so much for sharing that list cricket. I've never seen that, and it was good to see it. I may have to print that off and save it as one of my bookmarks to remind me in those times that I need reminding.
Sounds like that meeting helped you alot, since all that negativity has lessened some. I'm still babystepping so I don't think at all and it's great! :lol: I hope I never have to think again. I seem to do so much better when I don't think, I'm almost scared of thinking. :lol: :lol: :lol:

Have a great night and a better tomorrow, Kay
blueangel
 
Posts: 64
Joined: Sat Aug 06, 2005 9:38 pm
Location: Fort Smith, Arkansas


Return to A. A. Meeting Topics

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 2 guests









.








12 Step Alcohol and Drug Addiction Recovery | - Change