obsessing and annoyed need to vent

Discussions related to Sponsors, Sponsoring, Working with others,
Posts: 4
Joined: Thu Aug 30, 2012 6:53 am

obsessing and annoyed need to vent

Postby Dmont » Sun Sep 30, 2012 10:06 pm

Hello again,

I try to make an appointment with each one of my sponsees each week to make sure we are staying in contact and time do do step work. I never know how busy my week is and when i will be able to return all my phone calls.

I usually meet with a sponsee at the same time every week,she wanted to change the time last week but it did not fit in my schedule,this week i was available at our regular time but my sponsee tells me she callled and asked to change the time, i graciously called and had to leave a message...."i" must have mixed up the times. ..and yes it is very possible she mentioned te time change and i missed it.

So here i am obsessing and having no clue how to respond to the last message on my machine and feeling annoyed and i so don't want to call her back.

Message...."I told you i needed to change the time, we are going to need to talk and figure this out. "

I so so so dont want to talk to figure this out. I want to get in touch and next time we talk discuss step work!

Sometimes I can handle this crap and other times like tknight it bugs the hell out of me.

How do i not get annoyed over stuff like this,how do i stop obsessing about it,is it me or is it my sponsee ?

Site Admin
Posts: 4786
Joined: Thu Jul 28, 2005 9:05 pm
Location: Fort Smith, Arkansas USA

Re: obsessing and annoyed need to vent

Postby Dallas » Mon Oct 01, 2012 8:48 am

What is your Step 10 -- indicating on this?
What has your sponsor suggested on it?

Posts: 471
Joined: Mon Oct 11, 2010 12:50 pm

Re: obsessing and annoyed need to vent

Postby Toast » Tue Oct 02, 2012 9:03 am


It’s been my experience it all depends what Step they’re on and how close to death they’ve been with this illness. If they think they’re over the big hurdles and it’s all plain sailing from here on in you may have a job on your hands trying to convince them that no single Step is more important than another.

If they think otherwise we have to point out they may have to do it all again, the hard way, if they don’t go through them all now when they have the chance.

Hope this helps.

Enjoying Life


Posts: 92
Joined: Sun Mar 18, 2012 6:18 pm
Location: Sugar Land, TX

Re: obsessing and annoyed need to vent

Postby Frananne » Wed Oct 03, 2012 2:50 pm

My sponsor has many sponsee's. We do not have a regular time to meet. Sometimes we plan to meet and she has to change it or I do because life happens. In general we just both try to be flexible. If I need her she will be there. Sometimes she knows I need her before I do.

With my own sponsee I try to work around her kids' nap times. That way she can be focused and we can work productively. I think God moves people through the steps at the rate He thinks is necessary and good. I am just the vessel.

Site Admin
Posts: 4786
Joined: Thu Jul 28, 2005 9:05 pm
Location: Fort Smith, Arkansas USA

Re: obsessing and annoyed need to vent

Postby Dallas » Wed Oct 03, 2012 3:18 pm

I have a designated day and set time of the day to make my "Check-in" call to my sponsor.
In addition to that -- I have to either write him a detailed email or send him a letter, so that he
receives it with time to read it -- before it's my time and day to "check-in"
UNLESS, he has advised me ahead of time to not to call on my designated check-in day and time.

IF his plans change -- I'm to leave a voice mail, to check in when I call.

IF my call is URGENT -- I can call him anytime, 24/7 on his cell phone. And, he'll return my call as soon as he gets the cell phone message, if he doesn't answer on the ring.

IF I don't call -- I had better have a damn good reason for missing my time & day. Not just a "I screwed up" excuse.

I've been doing it this way for about 20 yrs now and it's one of the BEST things my sponsor has ever had me do -- outside of making a "Daily To-Do List".

It has helped me to learn structure, discipline, accountability, responsibility, promptness, efficiency, and priorities -- which previously I had a serious deficit in. It has helped me to learn and practice and make habit "First Things First!" And, it's helped me to keep away from being a lazy bum ALL the time. :-)

Now, the hardest thing for me to do is: to not call at my check-in time. Like, if he is going to be on a different continent for a couple of weeks speaking, and told me ahead of time "don't call for the next two weeks."

It's been so good for me and my sobriety -- My Life -- that I won't even consider sponsoring someone that doesn't meet those two requirements, just like I did. (Passing on, what was passed on to me):

1. The Daily To-Do List. (And, yes -- there will be spot checks on it, until the person has developed it as a habit). And,
2. The strict adherence to the check-in day and time. Not 5 minutes before or after, not one day before or after -- and NO excuses.

I consider these two principles as VITAL to recovery.


Posts: 4
Joined: Thu Aug 30, 2012 6:53 am

Re: obsessing and annoyed need to vent

Postby Dmont » Sat Oct 27, 2012 10:50 am

Been out of town. ...but I am back. LOL sponsoring others kicks me in the pants LOL

I have been trying to help my sponsee see and own her own stuff. I need to take my own advice.

I did a step 10 around my need for my sponsees to "get it" and behave a certain way.

I feel inadequate when my sponsees don't get it, I feel inadequate when stuff happens and often want to go to the place of "I am not a good enough sponsor"

This is what is triggering my annoyance and fustration.

So I dediced to practise the following:

How to I get to a place of calm- meditation
How do I deal with my selfishness- be of service to others
How do I deal with my feelings of inadequacy - remember who I am from my HP point of view and remember where I came from

I also have been asking God to remove my feelings of inadequacy, it really does affect my usefulness to God and others.


Return to “Sponsors Forum”

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: Google [Bot] and 0 guests