Who is an addict?

[Dallas]

Who is an addict?

"Most of us do not have to think twice about this question. WE KNOW! Our whole life and thinking was centered in drugs in one form or another -- the getting and using and finding ways and means to get more. We lived to use and we used to live. Very simply, an addict is a man or woman whose life is controlled by drugs. We are people in the grip of a continuing and progressive illness whose ends are always the same: jails, institutions and death."
~From page 3, Narcotics Anonymous, the book.

[Toast]

To me the difference between and addict and a 'normie' is one can let themselves go and get themselves back without any help. The other, due to circumstances beyond their control, can't.

God Bless

[epr33]

I am an addict. I am a sober addict today though, and have been for 45 days now! This is my first time in recovery. since getting sober i have become a full time student working on my ba in psych, specifically substance abuse/addictions. I was a "blackout addict" and after 17 years of using was going to kill myself and thought why not try rehab. Turns out that even though i had given up on myself and my Higher Power, He had not given up on me. I have been using everything at my disposal to keep sober for 1 more day and wanted to get on this forum, so here i am.

[Toast]

Hi epr,

Really liked your post, first time i've heard the phrase ' blackout addict'. My drinking was just the same, i always wanted to get ' out of it.' Some say all addicts are using just to find a way home, somewhere they will be taken care of. Guess if i'm chasing a 'black out' i'm longing to go right back home to the womb! Not much of a life to be had there, its much better out here in the sunshine!

Be well

John

[Dallas]

Welcome to the site epr! Thanks for sharing.
I relate & understand "blackout addict" and "blackout drinking."
For many years of my life I was a walking chemical waste dump.
I'm very grateful that those times are way long past.

Dallas

[epr33]

Thanks guys. I was just nosing around on this forum when I noticed there was not a lot of posts under the addict topics. Don't get me wrong a drug is a drug is a drug, I include alcohol as a drug, but opioids were more my cup of tea. i just kinda gravitated towards them. Scary how easy it was to try something new, until there wasn't anything new to try. After that I started experimenting with mixtures to see what would get me there the fastest. I am an addict, but I work out of the "Big Book" mainly because it is the original and it has been tried and proven. I've been blessed in regards to the turn around in my life. I like to talk about it, not brag, because I know I get a lot of hope hearing someone that has some sobriety under their belt. We all know that some days all that gets us to our pillows sober is hope. Thank my higher Power I only gotta get through 24 hours!!!! I'm 52 day's clean and I've kinda been dragging my feet on step 4, any advice would be welcome and appriciated. Love the site!!

[Toast]

Hi epr,

All I can suggest about step 4 is to start writing stuff down. Guess the importance of me writing stuff down is so I could see what I was capable of in black & white, no ifs or buts just pure alcoholic insanity.

I started writing my Step 4 the night I came back from visiting an AA friend in hospital. He was dying of cancer and I knew I’d never see him again. He’d have done anything for another day on this earth and it struck me I was too lazy to even write down a 4th Step. His last ever words to me were ‘ John, if you find a piece of information that will change your life then please use it tonight.’ So I went home and started writing.

I had to write down stuff I thought I was going to have to take to the grave with me. And once I started I couldn’t stop, managed to fill a good few pages of stuff I thought my sponsor would want to hear.

But even then when it came to sharing all the deepest darkest secrets with my sponsor at Step 5 I never even had to refer to my script, and that’s all it was. Because even though I thought I’d done my best on the night in question I soon discovered there was a layer of darker stuff lodged even deeper than the stuff I wrote about. And somehow when my sponsor came to my home to hear my written inventory I just threw it to the side and talked and talked until it all this other stuff came out. Occasionally my sponsor butted in telling me that something I just shared was exactly like it said in the Big Book but for most of that night I just sang like a bird!

My written inventory managed to remove a layer of crap I’d been using as an excuse for the stuff underneath that was rotting my very soul. And once it was unearthed it was time to get rid of it. When my sponsor left my house that night he told me all that crap didn’t belong to me anymore, it all belonged to God, he would deal with it from here on in. So for the first time in decades I was a free man!

So if you want what we have…………………?

Enjoying Life

John

[Dallas]

epr, Congrats on your 52!!!! Any and EVERY 24 is a big deal to me.

Step 4 suggestions?

Do it like I did. LOL. Drag your feet until there are only two options left: Suicide or Homicide! LOL.
THEN, Step 4 becomes so meaningful and we become so motivated that we launch into 4 and follow it up
fast-tracking through 5 to 12.

[Toast]

Hey Dallas i love that line,

'The only option's left were Suicide or Homicide!'

Will throw that into the mix at my next meeting.

Enjoying Life

John