Step 9 this time

12 Steps: Discussions related to the 12 Steps and using them as a treatment to recover from alcohol and drug addiction.
Posts: 5
Joined: Sat Jul 30, 2005 3:29 am

Step 9 this time

Postby openminded » Sat Jul 30, 2005 3:54 am

Hey Guys....I had a couple questions on step seven before and i really feel i got alot out of everybody's imput, so thank you. Now i need another alkie's opinion.

I'm on my ninth step, my first ninth step ever! I've made a few amends (the apology part), but those were the people who i was almost positive would accept my amends because i've been making living amends since i got sober (almost 18 months).

Here's my "question". You know how alkies get that nagging feeling where they project and "read" the future (more like create the future) in their headS? Well there's one girl in perticular that i owe a small financial amends to. It's only about 10, or 20 dollars, so it's not the money i'm worried about. The thing is, she is a girl from my drinking days. She's not an alkie, i don't even know if she still drinks. I had also heard that since i left highschool and got sober, she lost alot of friends and that nobody liked her anymore.

My sponsor and i descussed what kind of amends i would make to her. We concluded that the best way to do this is to send her a little letter with $20.00 and an apology (i've been working on the inderect living amends by not stealing). I really REALLy respect my sponsor's opinion. I got her as a sponsor right before i started my 8th step, because of the fact that i really trust her opinion and she was the person that i wanted to help me pick and choose on my 8th and 9th step.

I don't know why this perticular amends is bothering me so much. Throughout the rest of my list, my sponsor's guidance has totally been "safe" and she would never suggest i put myself back in those positions with those old people, places, and things. That's what's confusing me. This girl i owe amends to i don't think is an unhealthy person for me to make direct amends to (by direct i mean through the letter heh heh). But i've been second guessing myself, and my sponsor. We've talked about it since this came up, but i would LOVE some other input, or maybe someone to put me in my place and to tell me to KEEP IT SIMPLE!! Heh heh.

Thanks again, and i'm soooooo greatful that is back up and running!! I love it!


Site Admin
Posts: 4830
Joined: Thu Jul 28, 2005 9:05 pm

re: Step 9 this time

Postby Dallas » Sat Jul 30, 2005 6:11 am

Hello OpenMinded!!!

It's so great to see you on the board again! It's great to read your messages, to ponder your questions and to wonder how you are doing. It helps keep my mind off of me!!!! Imagine that! I'm very grateful that is up and running, too!

Great question! Awesome question! Thank you for asking it. I'll try to keep my answer very short…. But, remember, I’m not usually good at short! :lol:

First things first. AA's 12 Steps are very powerful Spiritual Principles. They are tools. And, they are a design for living that really works. A long time ago, I thought they were just a code or creed of "good ideas" until I began to take them, live them and practice them, daily.

I've known for many years to trust the guidance of my sponsor rather than my own guidance for myself. It always worked. And, my sponsor was always right. Always.

I often wondered how sponsors got so smart, especially if they, too, were powerless over alcohol, their lives were unmanageable, and they, too, needed to be restored to sanity!

Well... I think I discovered the answer. At least, the answer works for me.

"Following direction" is a Spiritual Principle. When we place ourselves in a position of being "not-God" and taking direction from “another human beingâ€

Rusty Zipper
Posts: 371
Joined: Fri Jul 29, 2005 11:19 pm

re. Step-9

Postby Rusty Zipper » Sat Jul 30, 2005 12:13 pm

mo-ni'n openminded! in regard's to your $10-20 amend's listen to your sponser. keep the out projection'st in your head. let um go bother someone else.... take a look at the motive's on why you think it would be ok to do it in person. maybe a little "Pride", a little "Ego" "Hey, Look at Me"... not wanting to let go of your past. maybe even a little curiosity. whatever. what's important, that when making a amend's. we are doing it for "Ourself's". and also to try and not behave that way ever again... i used the word "Try"... Openminded, that's just what the next Step is here for. good wishes on your outcome... may you day be filled with Sunshine, and Pink Cloud Dream's :wink: xoxo Rusty

Posts: 285
Joined: Fri Jul 29, 2005 4:25 pm

9th step work

Postby 918gma » Sun Jul 31, 2005 2:05 pm

I have been through most of my amends. I still have a few to go. I some cases, I waited too long to make the amends and get to the other side of it.

In some of those cases, the amends was not acepted. Remember, it is thier choice, not yours as to weather they accept it or not.

Also remember she is an old drinking buddy. Maybe your higher power and your sponsor feels that's taking a chance your not ready to face.

Some times we have to humble your selves and remember it's not about us, it's about god. It's about getting through it and clearing things up to be ready to be of more service to him.

Don't put it off. When AA was first being established, the Fourfathers of this program went through all twelve steps withing days of taking thier last drink.

The reason the steps are numbered is because things are supose to happen for us in order, we are developing a closer consious contact with our higher power, by delaying and second guessing we put off the reward of completing the steps. The reward is serenity, and joy. That reward comes from making it through the steps and improving that consious contact with your higher power. He put that sponcer in your life for a reason. Just do it. Good luck

Posts: 1
Joined: Fri Sep 23, 2005 9:40 pm

Step 9 - Amends

Postby angelksst » Sun Oct 02, 2005 9:51 pm

Really great question about your making that amends and some really great answers and thoughts to ponder also. (Ego, pride, etc.).
The first thing that came to my mind was that "we shrink at nothing". When I think of this it some how gives me the strength and courage to carry out what I need to do.
Something else that caught my attention in what you wrote was that you heard that people (maybe) didn't like her anymore and that she didn't have many friends. Okay, so here's the alcoholic part: That part is NONE of our business. The making of the amends is IT! That's all. Pretty simple, huh? Maybe she also has moved on in her life like you have. Either way, it's still none of our business when it comes to making amends.
Something that helps me tremendously is:

"In it's simplicity, we find our difficulty."

Easy Does It, But Do It

Site Admin
Posts: 4830
Joined: Thu Jul 28, 2005 9:05 pm

Postby Dallas » Mon Oct 03, 2005 3:17 am

Hey angelksst! Great to have you with us! I enjoyed your post and your quotes! You brought up some very important concepts. Thank you!


Posts: 132
Joined: Sun Jul 31, 2005 5:26 pm

Postby crickit » Mon Oct 03, 2005 4:34 pm

"In it's simplicity, we find our difficulty."

Wow !!! A lot of awesome posts. As some of you know, taking the advise of my sponsor is not one of my stong suits LOL. If my sponsor told me to do something I could always come up with something to get around it. It was always 'why' 'what if' and 'wouldn't it be better if' . I had to always try to figure it all out rationally so it made sense to me. It took a long time, and I still stuggle with it today, but I have finally realized that my sponsor knows me better than I know myself sometimes because she used the same techniques of 'questioning' things herself.

Working the program the way it was meant to be as written in the BB was easier. It is a tried and proven method.

I don't drink, I go to meetings, I got a sponsor, I got a home group. That's it.....right.

WRONG !!!!


When it comes to the details of daily living it was a little harder to trust another person to make decissions for me even if it is based on the 12 steps. So I decided to start following her advise (even if I didn't agree) and decided it would be her fault (instead of mine) if things fell apart LOL. Well so far, she hasn't been wrong. Go figure.......

I've since asked her how she could be so patient with me and she told me we're all the same at the beginning but she could see how badly I wanted it. She told me she was only able to give me the tools, it was up to me to use them and up to my higher power to guide me.

I don't know why this perticular amends is bothering me so much

Openminded, maybe you should think a bit more about this. Making amends is about righting wrongs and letting go. In my oppinion, you need to know what it is that's bothering you so you will be able to let it go. Like you said, the money isn't the issues so maybe paying back the debt isn't the solution either.


Return to “12 Steps”

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 1 guest