Serenity Seeker wrote:The thing I love most about this program is that we alcoholics can have an issue, no matter what it is... and I can go to my sponsor, this wonderful life changing tool 12Step.com, and an AA meeting and hear the same Steps and principles applied to all your affairs. Usually I hear from you what my sponsor says... that is probably because we work the same program? lol Anyway, wanted to give gratitude.
I have been praying for the strength and courage to take my second attempt at the fourth stept. My sponsor is not rushing me. in which I am grateful for. I have been practicing talking to God and turning my will and life over to him daily.
I have much fear which is getting better because I have been praying about it and listening in the rooms with my heart instead of my ears today. In my crazy head, my pain of the past I feel has so much power over me and in the past that has been my main excuse for picking up. Although, I realize today I pick up that first drink only because I am an alcoholic and have an allergy. Like many I am sure, I used it as an excuse to pick up that next drink/mind-altering substance, today that is not what I want. I just am afraid that knowing me, I will start it get into self pity mode, which with most of that I do not handle so well. However, after studying more in the BB about this step and the tools on this website, the meetings and extensive work with my sponsor and prayer, I feel the fear being removed. I realize the only way to a happy life is to take these steps with action not theory.
So, how this topic helps me tremendously as explained above. I heard in the rooms:
For most of my life I was either mad about yesterday or fearful for tomorrow.
Abandon all hope of a better past.
Today's "reactions and decisions" are tomorrow's past.
I have heard my sponsor say I do need to take the action of the fourth step, but we are slowly moving (I appreciate her for that). I trust in God to give me the stength to take this step with him. I like to beat myself up because I am not taking that action yet, but I just keep comin back to reach my higher power with my heart, speak with honesty from the heart, listen with my heart and know that I am today exactly where God wants me to be...
Dallas, thank you so much for your additional addition to these quotes I so earnestly have come to depend upon for positive affirmations in my life.
The only place the past exists is in my head.
I can only change my past by changing my present.
I hope I did not get off topic. If I did I do apologize.
Serenity Seeker wrote:I guess I am still dealing with expectations on how a mother or family member should have treated me.
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