- why do they say wait a year

why do they say wait a year




Topics and discussions related to being single and or dating while in recovery

why do they say wait a year

Postby Tina L. » Sat Aug 20, 2005 10:19 pm

why do they say wait a year who do they men by that? do they mean wait till i dont have any urgs? i like dating dancing going to movies with a guy not a girl. i went to a aa meeting and the womenstarted warning me about the men why didnt the men warn me out about the women because the women seemed to want my bod more than the men and they told me work with women but the women act like they want to date me and i dont want that. are they saying women should only date women. im not like that so maybe aa isn't for me
Tina L.
 
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Location: Santa Monica, California

Postby crickit » Sun Aug 21, 2005 2:05 am

Hi Tina; What they mean is to not start any new relationships within the 1st year, with men or women, your choice LOL. I don't think there is a problem dating but sometimes during the beginning of our recovery we are still not very good at making decissions. Once we have completed the steps and have a clear head we are able to decide better what we will accept and not accept in our lives. AA is usually a very freindly place so maybe that's why you feel like the women are hitting on you. If they are actually hitting on you just let them know you are not interested.

If that is just happening at one meeting you could always try different meetings and attend the ones you are comfortable with. Take you time and give AA a chance. One thing the Big Book tells us is 'principals before personalities'. The program does work. Concentrate on your own recovery and don't let a few bad experiences turn you off AA.

You can always come here for support but don't give up looking for the right meeting.

Best of luck
Crickit :D
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Postby blueangel » Sun Aug 21, 2005 2:42 am

Bravo cricket for saying so simply what could have been complicated.

Tina welcome to the forum... and there had to be a very good reason for you to have ended up in an AA meeting to begin with. As Cricket says very plainly try every meeting you can find until you find a meeting with a group of people you are comfortable with. It does work very well.. you just have to find a meeting of a group of people where you are at ease.

There is one out there made just for you. Not everything and everyone is suitable for all people, just as no person can be everything to all. If one AA group meeting worked for every person out there that needed help, there would only be 1 AA group in every town, and campbell's soup would only have to make 1 soup and everyone would love it :lol: I may not be able to tell you where to look in the Big Book or quote letter and verse from it, but I can tell you that if you want it bad enough you will find that group of people where you feel at ease
Have a great day! Always, Kay
p.s. Is there a rainbow coalition of AA? There could be :lol:
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Postby Dallas » Sun Aug 21, 2005 8:04 am

Gee! I learn something new every day!

Watch out for the women Tina!!! :lol: :lol:

Heeheehee!!!

Dallas
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Postby Tina L. » Sun Aug 21, 2005 8:00 pm

your funny dallas thanks for making me laugh. my eyes we about to fall out before you helped me. i'll call that lady and go with her to the other meeding. xoxo Tina
Tina L.
 
Posts: 73
Joined: Sat Aug 20, 2005 5:05 am
Location: Santa Monica, California

Postby Tina L. » Sat Sep 15, 2007 6:08 pm

wow. i just noticed that it was 2 years ago that I wrote this message! it makes me giggle to read it. so much has changed for me. i finally found out why they say wait a year. :lol: i'm surprised to see that i've waited! i have gone on dates but no relationships. i feel so much different now. my life is not controled by my emotions or fears or insecurities or instincts like sex. i feel like i genuinely love myself (in the good way) for the first time in my life. i have respect for myself. i have friends who have good character. friends that respect me. friends that love me. friends that care about me. it has been a long time since i have been on the emotional roller coaster. i am being usefull. i have a purpose in life. i'm still sober. i have learned to be happy and to take risks without being afraid. i went back to school and got my diploma. soon i will have a college degree. i have had several jobs. i had one good job and lost it recently. money got scarce. i got afraid but i was not paralyzed by my fear. i'm working part-time and i eat well. my rent gets paid. my phone and my utilities have not been disconnected once since i have been sober. i learned to dress like a woman and act like a lady. i am a woman and i am a lady. i have manners. i learned to say yes sir and yes mam and no sir and no mam. i learned to folow directions. i eat food that is good for me. i exercise. i go to the beach - sober. i have a lot of friends. i have a car that is paid for. it does not run but it is mine. i have paid off most of my bills and i have made most of my amends. i am now sponsoring another girl. i go to meetings. im involved in a.a. i learned the difference in activity and action. i have taken the 12 steps and i have learned the 12 traditions. i have the most wonderful sponsor in the world. she is like the mother that i never knew. she is like the grandma that i loved and who loved me. life has not been easy but it has been good. i used to be a victim. im no longer a victim and i have learned to be responsible. i am accountable. i trust. i can be trusted. im happy most of the time. i have a whole new life and i never knew that life could be so good and fulfilling. this is because of god and aa and my sponsor and my home group and all my friends in a.a.

when i wrote the message above i was still drinking. i wrote to dallas and told him how hopeless i was but i was not alcoholic. i could not stop drinking but i was not alcoholic :lol: i was crazy.

dallas began to write back to me and some times i could not wait to hear from him. one night i almost died and he gave me his phone number and said to call him before i died. i still was not ready to stop drinking. he asked me if i could go 2 hrs without a drink and he made me mad. of course i could. then he ask me if i could go 3 hrs and not drink. i got mad again. guess what? i could not go 3 hrs. he said you are probably not an alcoholic. i got mad at him again. he sent me 20 questions and i got to prove him wrong. now i know that he wanted me to prove him wrong. he snuck one threw the backdoor on me. then he had me go to a meeting and that made me mad. and then a different meeting. he kept writing to me and talking with me until i got sober. he sent me to see a lady friend of his and she is now my sponsor.

dallas i would be dead if god had not put you in my life. it was because of a.a. that god could put you in my life. i thank god and i thank you and i thank a.a. so much for helping me.

i would not be alive today if god was not a loving god. god is a loving god. god loves me. god loves you. god loved us and he gave us a.a. because god loves alcoholics and god loves a.a.

tina l. xoxoxo
Tina L.
 
Posts: 73
Joined: Sat Aug 20, 2005 5:05 am
Location: Santa Monica, California

Postby Dallas » Sat Sep 15, 2007 11:14 pm

Tina,

You really touched my heart tonight with your progress report and your kind comments. Thank you. You are an inspiration to me. It has been an honor and privilege to participate in sobriety, recovery and in life with you. You are living proof that A.A. does work for those who grab hold of it and work it.

It's awesome to see you in the Fellowship of the Spirit. I remember when the "G" word -- would send you into a rage and made you want to drink! :lol: What a change! Imagine that! I wonder how that happened? :lol: :lol:

I've heard lots of good things about you, Tina! Keep up the good work!

You are proof -- that we still live in the age of A.A. miracles -- and that we really can create our own miracles when we follow direction and take the right actions!

Dallas

P.S. Give your sponsor a hug for me! And, let her know that I send my best wishes.
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