Picked this one up along my travels:
A drunk gets up from the bar and heads for the bathroom. A few
minutes later, a loud, blood curdling scream is heard from the
bathroom. A few minutes after that, another loud scream reverberates
through the bar. The bartender goes into the bathroom to investigate
why the drunk is screaming. "What's all the screaming about in there?
You're scaring the customers!"
"I'm just sitting here on the toilet and every time I try to flush, something comes up and squeezes the hell out of my testicles."
With that, the bartender opens the door, looks in
and says..."You idiot! You're sitting on the mop bucket!"