Thank you for sharing. I know what you mean... and I identify. It sucks. And, sometimes, that's the hand that we're dealt. You know what I know. Alcoholic or not, sober or drunk, sometimes these things happen and we know that to drink will never make it better.
I used to have a blind faith in a power greater than me that I had never seen, or proved exists, until one day I discovered that I was sober.
One day, I looked in the mirror and saw myself. It was me. And, I was sober. On another occassion, I was driving down the highway... and I come to realize that I was sober.... while I was driving. That was a long time ago. And, on many occassions... just like today... I suddenly discover, that I am still sober.
It's because of that miracle alone... that I no longer have a blind faith. Just the simple fact of an alcoholic of my type... being sober... is enough for this alcoholic to be convinced that there is a Power Greater than myself.
On somedays, it feels like all I've got is my sobriety. Of course, feelings are not always facts. When I take the time to make my gratitude list, I am reminded of all the wonderful things and the wonderful people that I have in my life... in addition to my sobriety... even when I've only been looking at the ugly stuff.
It's a wonderful concept to trust in others. And, to believe in others. It almost seems cynical to suggest otherwise. However, the book that I read suggests that I trust in God... that I clean my own house... and I keep my own life in order. That works for me. I may sometimes feel that God let me down... but those are just feelings... and they are not facts. Those feelings change.
What doesn't change is God's love for me, regardless of how I'm feeling.
Regardless of how I'm thinking. Regardless of my attitudes. God's love never changes. And, I can always trust that Higher Power who got me through today... and yesterday... and all the days before. If I'm around tomorrow... I know that Higher Power will be around also.
One thing I've discovered for myself... in looking back over my life... is that in someway all the things that I thought were crappy that happened to me... had to happen, for me to be where I am today.
If my life and all the events that have happened in my life... up until this moment, had not been precisely like they were... I wouldn't be precisely where I am today. So, I have to conclude, for me... that even the crappy things have helped me to be where I am today, enjoying the life that I enjoy today, and having the conscious belief that there really is more in life than I ever thought there was.
Perhaps it's odd to believe that "all things have worked together towards my Highest Good"... but, it's also odd... that I am sober and alive today! And, on top of that... Life is pretty good.
I had a friend that I have known for quite a while, who was on his way to a meeting yesterday and he never made it to the meeting.
His motorcycle made a conscious contact with some other vehicles... and today, Bob is no longer physically with us. He was a good person and a good, long-time sober member of AA. He will be missed by me and by many who have known him. Thinking of Bob, right now... I know that sometimes crappy things happen to all of us. And, I can almost hear Bob say to me, "Dallas... sometimes crap happens. But, then, it always passes. We stay sober and we get through it. And, if we're still here tomorrow... we'll know that we got through it. We trust God. We clean our own house. And, we do our best to keep it in order."