- Can't Afford it

Can't Afford it




Experiences along the way that bring us closer to our Higher Power

Can't Afford it

Postby 918gma » Fri Jun 16, 2006 12:40 am

I broach this topic only for the benefit of others, not me. I am going down a road today that I do not understand. I can't even pretend to understand it. I have been verbally attached by people that don't even know me, that have never spent even a moment in my skin, much less my heart. I have been judged wrongly, and there isn't a thing I can do about it.
I can't even afford righteous indignation because it could get me drunk, and God has protected me from that. Today I have a tool kit instead. I have a program that leads me in the direction that I am taking. I have a blind faith in a power greater than me that I have never seen, or proven exists, except for the tales of my own heart. I am angry, scared, and sad. I have been insulted, lied to, and, about by people that I should have been able to trust, but they let me down.
Don't fear for me, because there are people in this scenario that have both mine and my daughters best interest at heart. We have to go through this to get her where she needs to be. I have a higher power today that I choose to call God that is running the show. I don't know how or why things are happening the way they are, but I have no doubt Kay and I will come out on the other side better for this experience.
I also know without a shadow of doubt the a drink would not help, and I thank God for that. :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :D :D :D
There have been two people that have gone the extra mile for Kay and I. Have extended their hand and offered suport. They were both recovering Alcoholics. :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D
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Postby wareagle10 » Fri Jun 16, 2006 1:48 am

These are the times that reallly hurt, when friends (?) do things that we think they should know better. Distrust is a very uncomfortable place to be especially when it is around those you used to have faith in. I cannot imagine a worse feeling and a worse pain in the heart. My thoughts are with you and Kay and I hope you know how much I mean that, sincerely.

Take care, my friend, and straight ahead, John.
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Postby Dallas » Fri Jun 16, 2006 3:10 am

Hello Kathy,

Thank you for sharing. I know what you mean... and I identify. It sucks. And, sometimes, that's the hand that we're dealt. You know what I know. Alcoholic or not, sober or drunk, sometimes these things happen and we know that to drink will never make it better.

I used to have a blind faith in a power greater than me that I had never seen, or proved exists, until one day I discovered that I was sober.

One day, I looked in the mirror and saw myself. It was me. And, I was sober. On another occassion, I was driving down the highway... and I come to realize that I was sober.... while I was driving. That was a long time ago. And, on many occassions... just like today... I suddenly discover, that I am still sober.

It's because of that miracle alone... that I no longer have a blind faith. Just the simple fact of an alcoholic of my type... being sober... is enough for this alcoholic to be convinced that there is a Power Greater than myself.

On somedays, it feels like all I've got is my sobriety. Of course, feelings are not always facts. When I take the time to make my gratitude list, I am reminded of all the wonderful things and the wonderful people that I have in my life... in addition to my sobriety... even when I've only been looking at the ugly stuff.

It's a wonderful concept to trust in others. And, to believe in others. It almost seems cynical to suggest otherwise. However, the book that I read suggests that I trust in God... that I clean my own house... and I keep my own life in order. That works for me. I may sometimes feel that God let me down... but those are just feelings... and they are not facts. Those feelings change.

What doesn't change is God's love for me, regardless of how I'm feeling.
Regardless of how I'm thinking. Regardless of my attitudes. God's love never changes. And, I can always trust that Higher Power who got me through today... and yesterday... and all the days before. If I'm around tomorrow... I know that Higher Power will be around also.

One thing I've discovered for myself... in looking back over my life... is that in someway all the things that I thought were crappy that happened to me... had to happen, for me to be where I am today.

If my life and all the events that have happened in my life... up until this moment, had not been precisely like they were... I wouldn't be precisely where I am today. So, I have to conclude, for me... that even the crappy things have helped me to be where I am today, enjoying the life that I enjoy today, and having the conscious belief that there really is more in life than I ever thought there was.

Perhaps it's odd to believe that "all things have worked together towards my Highest Good"... but, it's also odd... that I am sober and alive today! And, on top of that... Life is pretty good.

I had a friend that I have known for quite a while, who was on his way to a meeting yesterday and he never made it to the meeting.

His motorcycle made a conscious contact with some other vehicles... and today, Bob is no longer physically with us. He was a good person and a good, long-time sober member of AA. He will be missed by me and by many who have known him. Thinking of Bob, right now... I know that sometimes crappy things happen to all of us. And, I can almost hear Bob say to me, "Dallas... sometimes crap happens. But, then, it always passes. We stay sober and we get through it. And, if we're still here tomorrow... we'll know that we got through it. We trust God. We clean our own house. And, we do our best to keep it in order."

Dallas
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Thank you guys

Postby 918gma » Fri Jun 16, 2006 4:14 am

You added just what I needed. I know if this day had happened while I was still out there, the end result would not be good. I am grateful for that knowledge. I also know there is a reason for what has happened which I don't need to know today. I'm OK with that. I'm tired of trying to second guess my HP. He has done well so far, I have no reason to doubt he will continue to do so. Thank you again.
As far as blind faith, I guess I mean that I have nothing tangible that I can show to some one and say see look. I also know for myself that I don't need that proof. I have the miracle of knowing how far I've come and that I didn't do it, and that I 'm not alone. I never was.
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Postby Rusty Zipper » Fri Jun 16, 2006 10:35 am

I am angry, scared, and sad. I have been insulted, lied to, and, about by people that I should have been able to trust, but they let me down.
Don't fear for me, because there are people in this scenario that have both mine and my daughters best interest at heart


kath, the negatives, and the positives. a part of life, blows at times..... Kay will be ok, and you also... on Gods terms, and time.... more growing pains. keep that belief, faith and trust of yours.....


all is as it should.


all good wishes , and give only love..................... xxoo, PC :wink:


ps, give a call if like to yap................
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As Always

Postby 918gma » Sat Jun 17, 2006 9:57 pm

Thank you for your words of suport. I am OK, I am sober and learning new things every day. I could not do this if it weren't for the program and what has given to me.
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