Hello I'm VWGirl and I'm an Alcoholic

Alcoholics and Addicts sharing their personal recovery story with us to help others who want to recover.
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Joined: Sun Jul 09, 2006 2:55 am
Location: Southern California

Hello I'm VWGirl and I'm an Alcoholic

Postby VWGirl » Mon Jul 10, 2006 3:20 am

Thought I share my experience, strength and hope with all of you.

What it was like: I grew up in California the oldest of two girls. My Mother, although neurotic was not alcoholic or addict, however, my Father was and is now what I consider a dry drunk/addict. I never felt "normal" or "part of" for as far back as I remember, but when I was sixteen years old and tried coke for the first time I knew all my problems had been solved...little did I know that was not going to be the case. I "partied" by drinking myself into blackouts and using coke to be able to drink more. I never used either substance recreationally, I only used them to "numb out", to bury my feelings. At times both chemicals would work for me, however most times they would not...I inevitably would end up physically ill, then my emotional state became jeopardized as well...

What happened: Graduated from High School, dated all of the wrong men, landed a job at a local Corporation, married the wrong man, bought a couple of houses, cars, etc - most of the material things I had always wanted for status...had two daughters - all this done while using and drinking. However, during every milestone of my life: getting engaged, getting married, becoming pregnant, buying a house, landing that job, etc I thought I should get my stuff together - my sister introduced me to the 12 Step program when I was 23 and in my heart of hearts I knew I was an alcoholic, couldn't admit I was an addict, oh, no, not me - addict how disgusting I thought! Well, I tried to get clean and sober for about twenty years (stopping by the program) and tried various other programs and religious organizations to try to get "well". Nothing worked...I honestly thought I would die a hopeless, desperate drunk/addict woman. Well, in May of 2002 I left that man I was with for twenty years because of his using and drinking and inability to stay employed - he had a problem not me (smile). Took the kids with me and boy, did that speed up my addiction. I started to sneak drugs and alcohol into my place of employment to get through the day and needed a tumbler full of vodka and a couple of lines just to jump start my day (something I swore I would never do, use and drink in the morning - oh, it was okay as long as I did it when I came home from work, but yuck in the morning - well, that's where my addiction took me to...) So, one morning I walked off my job (thankfully, they have kept me employed and I am about to have 22 years with that Corporation). Once again I broke a promise to my daughters (who are 19 and 15) and they walked out on me...to go live with their Dad. That was my wake up call, when my oldest daughter screamed at me "You are nothing but a _________ alcoholic and we are not coming back" - she took her little sister by the hand and left. I called my sister who I had just reconciled with and told her I needed help, I had all the material possessions I needed in the world, however, all I wanted was sobriety. I went to my sisters and started to detox, I called Central Office and immediately went to an AA meeting...what I am doing differently than what I did during the previous twenty years I tried to get clean and sober before is this: attend 12 step meetings on a daily basis, if possible, have a Sponsor, follow her direction, work the 12 steps in my daily life, have the willingness to do whatever it takes to stay sober and clean, I surrender my will and my life to my Higher Power each and every day (I pray daily and try to meditate too), I'm of service to other alcoholics and addicts and I take commitments (I currently have three) at the meetings I attend. Nothing today, and I say today - because I only have today, is more important than my sobriety, not my kids, not my job, not my place where I live, nothing, because without my sobriety I have nothing. I have a Sponsee and work with other alcoholics every opportunity it is presented to me. I totally embrace the 12 Step Program's way to achieve sobriety and recovery...I never want to forget where I came from...I am a liar, cheat and thief and addict/alcoholic through and through...

What's It's Like Now: I am a 46 year professional woman, I live by the beach in California, am gainfully still employed in a very successful Corporation, my 15 year daughter lives with me full time again, I have my Higher Power walking with me day in and day out, I am never alone - and know I never have to do this thing alone...I am dating a wonderful sober and clean guy...I will be celebrating three years of sobriety on 22 November 2006 (achieving that one day at a time) - unbelievable, what a miracle - if I can do it - after twenty-eight years of continuous drinking and using - you can too! Keep the faith - remember "First things First; One Day at a Time; This too Shall Pass; Nothing Changes if Nothing Changes...all those corny cliches, hey but they work for me and countless others...I wish each and everyone of you the peace and serenity I have found. Thank you for allowing me to perform a 12 step call on each of you who read this...ending this post with heartfelt gratitude.

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Welcome VWGirl

Postby Dallas » Mon Jul 10, 2006 5:58 am

Welcome VWGirl!!! Glad to have you here with us! That was an awesome share!!! Thank you! And.... keep coming back! Better yet... just don't leave!

Best to you!


Posts: 4
Joined: Sun Jul 09, 2006 2:55 am
Location: Southern California

Postby VWGirl » Tue Jul 11, 2006 5:09 am

Hi Dallas, Thanks for post and greeting! Yep, I better stick around...there is nothing good waiting out there for me!

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Joined: Sat Jul 08, 2006 9:10 pm
Location: Houston

other side

Postby kjeank » Tue Jul 11, 2006 12:16 pm

Hi VWgirl.
Thanks for posting your story. It is very important for me right now (100+days) to see how people can come out on the other side. Like you my sobriety is #1, but some days...... Numb Land calls!
Anyway, congrats on your success. Every single person that is making it is an important person to me.
BTW: I went thru 3 VW's when I was growing up in California!

Rusty Zipper
Posts: 371
Joined: Fri Jul 29, 2005 11:19 pm
Location: My Room in CT.

Postby Rusty Zipper » Tue Jul 11, 2006 1:16 pm

I am a liar, cheat and thief and addict/alcoholic through and through...
VW, nice to meet you, your realy carrying the message... man, related to your story... glad were not the same people anymore... cripes!, i would have hated me... lol :shock:

thanks for sharing your story.

all good wishes, and give only love........................ xxoo, PC

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Joined: Sun Jul 09, 2006 2:55 am
Location: Southern California

Postby VWGirl » Wed Jul 12, 2006 4:26 am

Jean and RZ, thanks for posting to me...just got home from a meeting not too long ago and will to go to bed soon...just checkin' in.

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