Am I gonna get lucky or unlucky?

[JJ_Sober]

Hi there all, Wishing you another 24 hours, I am new to AA this year, after 30 years of binge drinking to calm emotional issues- family, life in general stuff. No other psych problems and no other drugs since the late 80's, but lots of booze. I have met a gentleman at my home group who has 5 years sobriety. We are both middle ageish (45-55). He has not had any steady relationships in those 5 years since his marriage failed and has a good friendship with his Ex (she left for and is solid with someone else) and his children (early 20's) are thriving. I left a marriage that was loveless for many years prior, 3 years ago. I have no contact with my Ex-abusive, alcoholic, doomed to die. I am quite smitten by this gentleman. We discuss our history of drinking but we don't dwell on it. Technically we are not working together through the steps or advising each other on recovery issues. We attend meetings alone and together. We are in the closet so to speak now to our Fellowship. It is very early in the relationship. I am scared of getting hurt or hurting him emothionally through this. We communicate very well which is promising and the physical aspects are moving a long quickly...bedtime any minute now. I am looking for your advice and comments. I only got a lady sponsor this week and that is giving me some sense of security as I move forward. Honestly, I would feel the same fears if this gentleman was not AA, or a drinker. Thank you for your responses.

[Dallas]

Hey JJ Sober!!! Welcome to Step12.com !!! Sure glad you're here... and I hope you find something useful to you on the site!!! Thank you for sharing!!!

Best regards,

Dallas

[campsurf]

JJ_Sober;

There were two things that came to mind as I read your post...."what does your sponsor say?"... and since you are "I am new to AA this year"... the slogan Easy Does IT.. came to mind.

There isn't a single person that can really tell you what to do, we can only share from our own experiences... next to resentments...relationships are the down fall of many a "sincere" recovering alcoholic... the guys I work with are advised to work through the first 9 steps before sucking someone elses life down with their crap... as a member for many yrs. we are all in the program because of relationship probelms caused by our selfishness caused by alcoholic thinking. Time is not recovery... I have seen many people that just don't drink... but the anger.. trust issues... self esteem stuff.. remain.

I for one needed to develope a relationship with myself and figure out where a higher power fit into the big picture... once I did this I was strong enough and of the right "motive" behind all relationships in my life. I can't use people, places and things to "fix" me anymore.. there is nothing worst than dealing with the wreckage of your own sobriety...early in recovery. Remember you don't have the luxury of drugs and booze to run to...

SEX???

bedtime any minute now.

Remember this is like giving meat to a Tiger....try to take it back.

an acronym for RELATIONSHIP

R... Real

E... Exciting

L... Love

A... Affair

T... Turns

I... Into

O... Outrageous

N... Nightmare

S... Sobriety

H... Hangs

I... In

P... Peril

I am not cynical, just real careful when developing relationships with the opposite sex within the program.. I have seen homegroup members date and break-up... and neither came to their home group anymore.. the other thing is that if you scratch hard enough you will find a co-dependent under every alcoholic.. Al-Anon meetings can give a good perspective of developing healthy boundaries... I learned this the hard way.. most of us AAs do.....

Jim

[Dallas]

WOW!!!!

Thanks for that awesome share Jim!!!

Dallas

[JJ_Sober]

It has been a solid 6 month relationship and a little longer sober. We do not attend the same meetings very often and have different home groups. My temporary sponser - her words, is OK with it as long as I remember that sobriety comes before everything else in my life and that I daily ask for help and give thanks. I have no problem with asking for help because life can be a struggle but I enjoy giving thanks after 24 hours as the struggle is much easier SOBER. Take care all and thanks for taking the time to post here.