Out of place

Discussions related to 12 Step Sponsors, 12 Step Sponsoring, Working with others using the 12 Steps, for AA's, NA's, Al-Anons, Nar-Anons, OA, and others using the 12 Steps.
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Joined: Sat Sep 23, 2006 4:44 am

Out of place

Postby JenR » Sat Sep 23, 2006 4:53 am

I've been sober for a little over 18 months, and I haven't been very active in the program. (I feel awkward because I have been going to meetings in my area for almost a year now, and I didn't get involved right off the bat.. so I don't know how to really edge my way in..) I know to get phone numbers and everything, but I haven't called anyone in so long that I feel like I'm.. apart, you know?

I have a sponsor and rushed into that.. I feel connected to her, but mostly when we talk it always ends up being about her. I don't have a strong connection and I want someone to help push me. It's been suggested to me that I get another sponsor, one in particular.. But I also feel guilty about leaving this sponsor. (Totally my issue)

I've been dating another alcoholic/addict in recovery since May and we have a very good relationship, sometimes I feel like he's the one that's been there for me the most and the realest sponsor that I've had.

Mainly, I just wanted to get all that out there and see it in black and white. I know what is the solution to my uncomfortablity, and I just need to do it. I guess I just wanted to hear a little feedback on my POV, because I know it gets skewed very easily by my own mind.

On another note, is anyone located in the Bryan, Texas area, or just Texas?

Site Admin
Posts: 4830
Joined: Thu Jul 28, 2005 9:05 pm

Thanks for sharing your message

Postby Dallas » Sat Sep 23, 2006 7:59 am

Hey Jen,

Thanks for sharing your message. Yep. In some ways, it reminds me of when I was on the path similar to the way that you explained it. It always helped me, too, to get things down in black and white so that I could read what I was thinking and what was going on with me. I still do it. Some things work so well that it's good to hang on to them.

I'm sure that the right answers will come for you when you're ready for them. Perhaps you're already ready.... and you've already got them! The next step is taking action on them. For me, when I was in that situation... it took me a while to take the actions that I already knew that I needed to be taking. Sometimes, I'm still a little slow with it. Fortunately, I've got a great sponsor that keeps me from waiting too long about things!

I wish you well. And, I'm glad you're here with us. Looking forward to reading more of your shares!


Tina L.
Posts: 73
Joined: Sat Aug 20, 2005 5:05 am

Postby Tina L. » Sun Nov 19, 2006 10:29 am

JenR, you described a vulnerable and potentially dangerous situation for an alcoholic that wants to stay sober. I didn't see a follow up message from you. I hope all is well and that all worked out well for you. I have not been sober for a real long time but I have seen what can happen when an alcoholic starts dating their sponsor.

What I mean by dating their sponsor is that they get into a relationship or begin dating someone and they stop connecting with their real sponsor and they start getting sponsored by the person they are dating. The next phase of those kinds of relationships seems to be, that the two people decide they no longer need A.A. because they have each other. Then they start sponsoring each other. They sometimes start to rationalize that they no longer need meetings, because they rationalize that they are always in a meeting while they are together because they are two sober people together trying to help each other. They begin to rationalize and then they begin to drink. After they begin to drink they begin to blame each other and that leads to more drinking.

I am not saying that this will happen to you. I'm just saying that I have watched it happen to others.

Tina L.

Marie S.
Posts: 7
Joined: Wed Mar 29, 2006 5:43 am

Postby Marie S. » Sun Nov 19, 2006 11:49 am


Sweetie, it's amazing to watch your progress and growth in recovery. What a wonderful message you shared.

Marie S.

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