My name is Anne
, I'm an alcoholic,
My girl, my girl...you're on the right track. What we've done to our body...
..give it time to heal, it'll take some time. For myself, one of the things I was after was that 'instant gratification' when I drank. We live in an 'instant' world...fast food/instant lunch; want supper to thaw, stick it in the microwave--instant. When we get a headache, the solution is reach for an aspirin or tylenol or whatever, to get rid of it, instantly--or-we go to a Dr., when we're sick...make me better 'now'. How unnerved one gets when that traffic light is red longer than I think it should be.
The first slogan I gripped onto in this program was Easy Does It. If you're an Aerosmith fan-or even if you're not, listen to the words in the song 'Amazing', says in there we have to learn to crawl before we can learn walk. It all takes time. This isn't a race. It's as though our bodies start throwing its own little temper-tantrum, it wants its fix...the messages the brain is getting is the same as when a 2 year old jumps up & down wanting his/her own way.
When I first come in to AA...it'd been 4 days after my last drink, I was poured a half cup of coffee in this little styrofoam cup. The guy who poured it knew what he was doing...I shook & rumbled like I was sitting on 10000 pounds of dynamite, it took me both hands to lift that cup to my mouth. It wasn't until 2 months in one of the guys said to me, "well at least ya look like you're gonna live, now." My color, he said, when I come in was this yellowish, greenish, grayish yik
--his body shuddered at the thought.
The guy who 12-stepped me--10 years prior to my finally getting here (I was 33 when I come in)--after he'd try to force a door to shut repetitively (he was about 2 years sober at this time), or if he lost his train of thought in conversation, he'd say: don't mind me, I'm an alcoholic.
After 6 years in this program, I'm coming up 1 year clean & sober--for real, this time. My speech sometimes comes out slurred, words get mixed up, whatever...don't mind me, I'm an alcoholic. This guy who 12-stepped me, I had the opportunity to meet & speak w/ one of his brothers last week, as we were talking, I could see in his eyes-his mind was working as he was talking, finally he shook his head and asked me where we were. Yes, he was sober...my immediate thought was relief...somebody else out there who's just like me. His reason for losing track of where he was is because he's a musician & had been out for a couple of weeks, hitting a different town every couple of nights. I used to do this, & I was playing in this one particular town, & part way thru the night, I looked out into the audience--& no way could I think of/remember where I was. I knew where I was--but it had momentarily escaped my mind. I said to this guy: oh, I've been there...touching my finger to my head..then told him where we were. This is why we go to meetings, make good use of "telephone therapy"--sit down at the computer & just pour it all out, because we
understand, because we all have this same disease...alcoholism.
You're body is not only withdrawing from the booze, it's also withdrawing from the sugar content. What was recommended to me, & it worked...was..absolutely, make sure you eat healthy, fruit, nuts, raw veggies...but also add to that chocolate, snickers bar, or mars bars...just be careful that the chocolate you have isn't the liquered sort--this is something to keep in mind especially w/ the holidays coming up. Got that itch for something 'sparkling' or carbonated...ginger ale...can even mix it w/ your crystal light. Try & do the cran-raspberry or whatever cranberry juice mix you like, it's good for getting your kidneys back on-line. You may not go thru the hallucinations, or the shakes...but don't be alarmed either if these sort-a creep up on ya, cuz you don't get the DT's when you're drinking, you get 'em when you're drying out. I was 6 months sober when I felt like I wanted to jump outta my skin, those creepy-crawly feelings. I thought: I quit drinking so as to feel like this
? And after this long? I was told that I was on-track...my body was still cleaning out. I was told that for some people, it takes about a year for your body to straighten out. I thought the answer was to keep busy/stay busy...when in fact-I was told "take it easy"...if there's a day where about all I could do was to switch the clothes from the washer to the dryer, then that's all I do...I had a daughter in grade 1, & another who was 3...so--of course, logically, there are things in the day that have to be done, but keep what needs to be done--keep that list as simple as possible. Treat yourself--to a haircut, curl up w/ that book you've always wanted to read...we've put ourselves thru the ringer, now we gotta give ourselves time & the chance to mend. I knew of a guy who decided that he needed to wash his walls...then he decided that it'd been long enough, they needed to be painted--went all gung-ho one day. The next day--his house was all an upheavle & he had no energy to do anything, his house was worse than what it was before he started--he got all bent outta shape...& went to the liquor store...why? Cuz that gave him the "energy" to paint his walls, cuz now that he'd started, he had to finish. Be very cautious of those bursts of energy.
Anyway, that's more than enough outta me.
Easy Does It, sweetie, and don't be so hard on yourself.
You are on the right track.