Dallas wrote:THE MATURITY PRAYER
God, Grant me the maturity
to accept what I'm feeling
and the courage to correct
the actions that I took
that made me feel this way.
Here is the deal.
I'm sober. I have a sponsor. I'm active in A.A. I'm going through the steps with my sponsor. I don't feel like I'm changing or growing fast enough.
I wasn't sure if I should post my message in this forum or the relationship forum because it deals with being single and relationships.
I'm constantly getting my feelings hurt whenever I even think about dating or relationships.
I know that it's my thoughts that are hurting my feelings. It's not something that someone else is doing to me and I'm not a victim.
My sponsor has suggested that I get more mature before I start dating sober. She is right.
I gave this guy my phone number and thought that he was going to call me. I wasn't going to date yet. Just talk for now. He didn't call. Now I'm feeling rejection. My head is telling me all kinds of stuff and I keep listening to it. I keep thinking about this guy all the time and every time my phone rang I thought it would be him calling me. Now I feel lonely, rejected, not good enough, and I'm pissed at him for not calling me so I have a resentment. I feel like buddy you don't know what you just missed out on. I keep hoping he will call. This is like stupid and childish. If I had dated the guy and he didn't call me then I would be on a real emotional bender!
I see why my sponsor says that I'm not mature enough to date yet.
My question is this Does anyone else go through this? I'm struggling with it. I don't feel like it is ever going to change for me. I also see how before sobriety this was a pattern for me. I would feel insecure and worthless and inadequate and when someone I was interested in didn't show mutual interest I got pissed off at them and even felt like getting revenge for it because it hurt so bad. Then I would end up in a club drinking and dancing the night away to prove that I was attractive and didn't need the jerks anyway.
It sucks because I don't think I'm ever going to get over this. I feel like the longer I have been sober the more sensitive that I am getting. I know that I can't be happy with this crap going on in my head.
How do I get it to stop? What do I do? Will I ever get over it? I can't sleep tonight because my head is crawling around like bugs inside my brain eating away with crazy thoughts.
I hope that this too shall pass but I have my doubts about it passing. I won't drink tonight and I will call my sponsor later today but right now I just feel all afraid. When I was doing my fourth step I think I remember my sponsor asking me about this but I told her no that I never felt this way. Moment of clarity? ####!