- Resentments 4th "Column"

Resentments 4th "Column"




12 Steps: Discussions related to the 12 Steps and using them as a treatment to recover from alcohol and drug addiction.

Postby anniemac » Tue Nov 28, 2006 6:12 pm

Hello Finally ~

As Dallas has already said, I'm not aware of where praying for others is part of the 4th Step.

However, as a general concept of praying for others, perhaps this will help: I was not taught to pray for the health, happiness and prosperity of others that I hold resentments toward. It was suggested that I pray that God surround them with a healing white energy. Now, that's nowhere in the BB either (that I know of), but the premise is that I am praying that they be healed of whatever sickness has caused them to behave in the manner that was offensive to me.

Dallas, you're not alone, I second-guess posts, shares at meetings, phone conversations, etc., wondering if I could have said things differently. I think your post was just fine, for whatever that's worth.
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Postby Finally » Wed Nov 29, 2006 3:52 pm

First off that you to everyone that replied to my post on the 4th column. It was actually helpful for me and I did not take offence to anything you said Dallas! ;o)

Now I'm really disturbed.. So I'm doing my fears portion and again I sat with my sponsor. I did the first 3 columns and again on the 4th he had me talk to him. He said, "what would this fear look like with God now in your life".. I was honestly confused because being an agnostic I only had a rudimentary version of a higher power that works for me. For example.. For the fear of failure for example, a humble man does not fear failure because God intends for everything to happen as they do. Even if I things don't turn out exactly how I wanted them to trust and be ok with the fact that that was what God had intended. Yikes.. Starting to sound a lot like blind faith in religion. Another example fear of speaking in front of groups.. This is a very self centered fear he says. A humble man would be the first to laugh at him self and not care that people are laughing at him because this is how God wants it to be. Now I can understand where he was coming from but I missed the part in the big book that mentions this for the 4th column in fear.. So now I'm essentially doubting my higher power because my sponsor is saying that God is an actor in my play.

Well anyways, I guess if I have to go back and rethink this over then so be it because I don't want to go back out... but I'm infinitely frustrated at this point. Just thought I would share that.
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Postby Dallas » Wed Nov 29, 2006 5:35 pm

Good morning Finally,

Thanks for letting me know that I didn't offend you. It means a lot to me, because my head tries to do a lot of talking to me, and it gets me feeling frustrated when it lingers in my mind too long. :wink:

First off... try to let go of the frustration that you're going through in the moment. Frustration can be another way of describing "restless, irritable or discontented" and when we're new in sobriety... stuff like that can send us off into emotional intoxication... which can seriously inhibit our pursuit of sobriety, happiness, peace of mind, and serenity.

I don't like to meddle into "sponsor stuff" between a guy and his sponsor... but I do feel that it's okay for me to say, that if I were you... and in your situation... I would pause what I'm doing with the 4th Step, and begin to look around in my Home Group for some old timers that I admire in the way that their lives appear to be a good example of A.A. recovery, and... they talk a lot about the 12 Steps and the Big Book. And, I would go have coffee with them and explain my problem and my confusion to them. Then, see what kind of suggestions they offer you. They may or may not be hesitant to say anything. But, I'm sure you're going to find someone who will understand... and they will be willing to help you. (The reason most of us have a desire to help others... is because we know that the only way we can get the help that we need... is to reach out and try to help another).

When I was new in A.A., I had to do exactly that myself. And, it took going to other A.A. meetings outside my home group, to find the group of guys that I felt could help me. Once I found those guys, they were able to get my head out of the spin. When I would get frustrated or experience other conflicts and problems, I could turn to them, and they always seemed to be "watching my back" and looking out for me. Most of the good guys that I found, were not the guys who would walk up to me and just start trying to give me advice and suggestions. The good guys seemed to be quiet... and they would only offer direction or suggestions if I went to them and asked them for help. If I didn't ask them... they wouldn't say much of anything other than "how's it going?".

This Internet stuff is great... I love it... and it's valuable... but, it doesn't replace the face to face value that we can get from sitting down with another alcoholic over a cup of coffee... looking each other in the eyes, and trying to help each other that way. I'll be willing to bet that there is some real good old-timer A.A. members up in your area, who have a solid foundation in A.A., members who have a lot of experience with Alcoholics Anonymous and the 12 Steps, and they will be most ready to help you.

Take some time off from what you're doing that's frustrating you... and start looking around for that group of guys or the old-timer(s) that can help you. Yes, we do "launch into a course of vigorous action" to get that 4th Step started... but we also need to remember things like: First Things First. Easy does it... but, do it. Relax and take it easy. Getting nerved up about anything... can make us thirsty. :wink:

One of the things that I identified in my own past, in regards to my own drinking patterns... was that me trying to swallow other peoples concept of God and their religion ideas ... kept me drinking long after I had become alcoholic.

On page 63, of my book... it refers to me having a new Employer (in regards to God, as I understand Him). In most every job I've ever had... the Employer furnished my tools... explained how to use the tools... and then, it was up to me, to do the work using the tools. It would have been nice to find a new Employer who would just say "the hell with the tools kid... and to hell with the work... here's your check, now go spend it and be happy while I do all your work for you!!"

A little further down on page 63, it mentions about that new Employer providing every thing I need to get the job done. For me... everything I need to get the job done... means... the 12 Steps, the Big Book (which is the instruction guide on using the tools)... my sponsor, and fellow members of Alcoholics Anonymous. That's why the book, for me, is so vital... it precisely shows me how to use the tools that God has provided.

Imagine getting a new job and a new Employer... and the Employer gives you a chain-saw to use to get your job done... a chain-saw is a great and powerful thing... and can do some wonderful and productive work in a very short time.... but, it can also be dangerously fatal... to someone who operates it without instruction. They could lose a hand, an arm, a leg, an eye, or worse! If we lose a leg... we're not going to grow a new one! And, for some of us... who are real alcoholic... if we start drinking again... it can be much worse than losing an arm or a leg or an eye!



Dallas
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Postby anniemac » Fri Dec 01, 2006 12:42 am

Hey Finally ~

I was reading over the 4th Step in the BB, and I think I've found a passage that can be interpreted as a directive to pray for those who offended us:

"We asked God to help us show them the same tolerance, pity and patience that we would cheerfully grant a sick friend. When a person offended we said to ourselves, This is a sick man. How can I be helpful to him? God save me from being angry. Thy will be done."

Therefore, I stand corrected in saying that I didn't believe that the 4th Step suggested that we pray for others.

Wow, it's amazing how I can learn something new every day! Thanks for providing that opportunity for me, today.
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Postby Dallas » Fri Dec 01, 2006 4:34 am

I read the quote from page 67 --

We asked God to help us ... show them ... the same tolerance, pity, and patience that we would cheerfully grant a sick friend. When a person offended we said to ourselves, “This is a sick man. How can I be helpful to him? God save me from being angry. Thy will be done.â€
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Postby anniemac » Fri Dec 01, 2006 3:36 pm

Wow, Dallas - you're awesome. Thank you for writing all of that out.

I was rushing around trying to multitask and didn't spend appropriate time on scanning the BB or shooting off my mouth and my post.... :oops: I'm grateful that you're level-headed and wise and that helps me get back to center instead of off on half-baked goose chases that I'm prone to. :shock:

Finally - please ignore my post!! LOL
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Postby Jools » Wed Oct 01, 2008 10:07 am



Hey y'all,

Dallas this post was SO enlightening to me. I have ALWAYS heard pray for the other person, pray for the other person...blah blah blah and that just rubbed me the wrong way. LOL

Even tho your reply was written back in '05 it helped me tremendously today. Its not about them, per se, it's about me treating others kindly even if I do not agree with who they are or how they live. I know I can not do this of my own accord, I need God to help me.

Vedy, vedy enlightening! 8)

Thanx,
Julie
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Postby Dallas » Wed Oct 01, 2008 8:35 pm

Thanks Julie! :wink:
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12 Step Alcohol and Drug Addiction Recovery | - Resentments 4th "Column"