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family




Help for alcohol abuse addiction alcoholics who want to stay sober

family

Postby bjb » Sat Nov 18, 2006 6:33 pm

Hi, I am newly sober but failled the other day and have been beating myself up. The only family support is my husband. I have no one to take me to meetings or other places but by the grace of god he is still with me. I know it takes time for family to trust again but what about when there is now one toe give you support and when they do talk to you they bring up the past such as" You know we wouldn't have to give you a ride if you weren't drinking" or if I would have died they said they would have had a closed casket because they would have been hurt. That one really hurt. So instead if being strong and just realizing that's the way they are I drank! I know I caused these feelings out of them but their attitude is it's just a matter of will power and it's not a disease. I'm not giving in this time if it means I have to stay away from them. They will have nothing to do with al-anon because they don't have a problem. I didn't drink to hurt them and I know they are effected but darn it I'm struggling with this every day and it wouldmean so much if they would show support. I have a wonderful sponser but ther is something about family that I need. Such a lonely life. Thanks for letting me share. bjb
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Postby taraK » Sat Nov 18, 2006 6:44 pm

bjb-
I feel your pain. It's not easy. It is so hard when you are trying, but your family doesn't support you because they are afraid your sobriety may not last. Have faith it will. Be good to yourself, and accept your family may need time to trust again. That is where i am right now. And it is frustrating! But this time i am proving to myself i can do this, and I am not doing it for them, I am doing it for me.

I hate to ask others for favors, because I feel it is an imposition. However, a moment of discomfort is worth it when I need to get to a meeting, so I desperately make calls until someone can help.

After you find a home group, see if someone is willing to pick you up on their way.

Pray, pray, pray. You can hang on. Do it for you!

You are worthy!

-Tara
taraK
 

Postby Dallas » Sun Nov 19, 2006 3:46 am

Hey bjb & taraK!

Welcome to the site! Thanks for your shares.

bjb, you might not have family support... but there are probably 2,000,000 in the Fellowship of A.A. --- and I'll bet you'd find a bunch of those who will be supportive. You'll even find a few of us here at Step12.com -- and all you have to do is reach out -- and we'll reach back.

True... they may not seem like family, yet... when you're new. But, they kind of have a way of... ehhh? "getting close to you".

It may not be the same thing for you... each of our experiences is different. I'm kind of glad my family wasn't around when I was trying to learn to live sober. I was able to adopt friends in the A.A. Fellowship as my family, they became like my A.A. mothers, fathers, brothers and sisters. And, they've always been here for me.

For me, on the holidays, especially Thanksgiving and Christmas... I would rather be around a bunch of A.A.'s at a Holiday A.A. function.... than trying to mingle with family that I never felt too comfortable being around anyway. My A.A. family knows how I feel and what's going on in my head... they can relate, and they can help. My blood family? That's another story that's totally different.

At least my A.A. family won't be offering me a glass of wine to go with the Turkey dinner... and they won't be offering rum and brandy for the Christmas and New Year's nog --- and they won't be making snide remarks like "What's wrong? Can't you have just one? Do you think you really have a drinking problem? Ahhh... you're not alcoholic! You're family!" (Geeezzzz.... the nightmares those scenarios could bring up when I was new!)

Either way... like I said... it may not be the same way for you... since we're all kind of different about many things.

I have found that it helps me a lot to hang close to my A.A. family during the holidays! It was important for me when I was new... and it's still important to me now, after I've been around here for a while.

Best wishes to you! And, Keep coming back!

Dallas
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Postby Sharkbait » Mon Nov 20, 2006 3:44 pm

Hugs bjb and taraK. Family can be frustrating.

It's already hard for me to acknowledge my problem... and my hubby keeps 'reminding me' that I'm not so far gone, that I can still pull myself together and drink like a 'normal' person... and he gets frustrated at me because it's my fault that we can't keep drinks in the house to offer to guests. And I mean seriously we can't keep drinks because I'd drink everything up... :cry:
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Postby Gretchen » Thu Nov 23, 2006 7:41 am

Hi, all. Sharkbait, my hubby also had the idea that I could stop if I wanted to. The problem was that when he put it that way, I didn't really see any reason to stop today. I could stop tomorrow if it were that easy!

I finally decided I'd have to quit drinking for a while. I told my doctor that I wanted to quit and she helped me dry out. She also suggested I go to AA. I went a few times, but "those people" weren't like me, so I didn't really give it a good try. After a few months, I figured I could have "a beer or two" when I wanted one. (Who was I trying to fool? Like I could actually stop at two!) Before I knew it, the disease had me stronger than ever. I'd never passed out before, I just got sleepy and stumbled to bed. Well, hubby found me on the floor passed out a time or two, and it scared the crap out him. We both knew I was definitely powerless over alcohol, and we already knew my life was unmanageable!

I got a DUI and he started dividing up the property. He didn't want or deserve to have a drunk for a wife. For him to even consider me being in his life anymore, I agreed to treatment. I went to an outpatient treatment program 3 times a week for 17 months. He came once a week to family night, and we learned together how to start over.

My life is so different now! He doesn't care that we don't have alcohol in the house. He's happy to have his wife back. And I'm so glad to have found sobriety.

Thanks for letting me share my story!
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Postby Sharkbait » Thu Nov 23, 2006 9:18 pm

What does "DUI" mean?

Me too normally I drink late evening, then I go to sleep. I never passed out either.

Then tomorrow'd be another new day during which I might not even drink... :?
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Postby Gretchen » Sat Nov 25, 2006 7:50 am

Legal for Driving Under the Influence. Best thing that ever happened to me in retrospect.
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Postby taraK » Sun Dec 03, 2006 6:27 am

Sharkbite and Gretchen,
It is so amazing how I can relate to both of your replies. When i was drinking I always figured no one understood me and I wasn't "as bad as other drunks".

My DUI was the beginning of my realization that my drinking was unmanagable. But at the time I was just pissed off that I got caught. Ashamed, and extremely upset about fines and probation. But as you mentioned, In hindsight, it was the blessing I desperately needed.

Keep focusing on the good in life, and enjoy the journey!
taraK
 

Family Stuff

Postby Spiritman » Mon Dec 25, 2006 6:05 am

Howdy!

"I know I caused these feelings out of them but their attitude is it's just a matter of will power and it's not a disease. "

I like your post.
I used to think I caused the feelings my loved ones were experiencing about my drinking and ramifications thereof. I wish I could cause family, friends and strangers to feel and act certain ways.... Mmmmm, what may I create in the world if I had such power?
I am not responsible for the way others feel.
I am only responsible for how I feel, what I feel, and then how I express myself in a biological, psychological, social and spiritual way as a result of how I feel.
Words... maybe too many.
In my attempt to recover from my alcoholism I failed several times because I was concerned how others felt about me more than I was about my recovery from alcoholism. Once I accepted the fact that I was only responsible for how and the way I felt, and not the way others felt (or thought) I was feeling better.

Peace,
The Spiritman
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