by Dallas » Fri Dec 29, 2006 12:39 am
Hey Finally,
Nice to hear from you again.
Gees. Tough predicament to be in! I understand because I've been in a few of them myself!
Rather than try to suggest what you might want to do, I should probably stick to sharing about my own experience. Then, if you get something out of it... that's great, and if you don't get something out of it... it probably wasn't meant for you to get anything out of it!
It has always been easy for me to do what I want to do. And, it has always been easier for me to do what I wanted to do... rather than what my sponsor suggest that I do... if what my sponsor suggested was different than what I wanted to do.
I realize that my concept of "Sponsorship" is different than some other A.A.'s concept of "Sponsorship." It could be... because... before following my sponsors suggestions... I used to sponsor myself... and follow my own suggestions. And, while I was doing that -- I was getting nowhere other than drunk.
When I'm faced with a tough decision I pick up the phone and call my sponsor about it. I've made it a habit and a discipline that whatever my sponsor has to say about it... is what I'm going to go with.... regardless if I like it or not. I don't argue with him. I asked him to be my sponsor because I needed better directions than the directions that I was giving myself.
Here is what I've discovered for me. I've been sober, and for the most part, happy, joyous and free... living a productive life that is moving forward... for a little over 20 years now. I don't believe that I could have accomplished that without the help of having a sponsor. Over the years, I've learned a simple common denominator... in the long run... whatever my sponsor's suggestion was... turned out to be the right answer. And, it hasn't once failed. That's a much better record than the one that I was making when I was sponsoring myself.
Another help for me... in having a relationship with my sponsor in this way, is that I don't have to sit around and wonder if I'm making the right decision or doing the right thing. I may be one of the "Board of Directors" in my life... but, my sponsor acts as CEO, on my tough decisions.
Some people think that having a sponsor in this way is a sign of weakness. I used to think that way myself. I also thought that the Third Step was a sign of weakness. I don't think that way now. I thought that asking God for direction was a sign of weakness. I don't think that way now.
If I ask God for direction.... how can I know that "it really is God's direction" and not just directions that I'm giving to myself? For me... it means... "stepping outside myself" for the answer.
I don't know if any of what I shared will help you or not. All that I know is that it helps me, and for me... it works great (which is why I keep doing it).
One of the great facts of Life appears to be: "I can always change my mind and I can always change what I'm doing... as long as I don't wait until I've lost the power or the opportunity to choose."
Best wishes to you in your situation.
Dallas
