"Many do not comprehend that the alcoholic is a very sick person."
My name is Anne, I'm an alcoholic,
It took some time for me to wrap my brain around the idea that I was a very sick person. Sure, I was sick...& my brain..well it was soaked 'nuff so that ya couldn't wrap it 'round anythin', never mind an idea. How sick I was, though...physically incapacitated, at any point and time during the last few months, I'm confident that a breathalizer test would've showed that I should-a been legally dead (.250 for a female, .350 for a male is the amounts the laws here say, that by rights, at these numbers, a person should be dead)...still, here I was, goin' thru the daily motions of runnin' kids to school, banking business, grocery errands, etc., & puttin' on a front of "everything's fine
". It's interesting to me how the "legal numbers" actually equate how I felt inside...dyin'/dead inside...how I felt like this anonymous void with a liquid pit in my gut. Something was really wrong with me, and I knew it...but I didn't know what it was, or so I said then...deep down, I knew the answer to what was making me so sick, I just had to stop denying myself of the stark truth. It took no time a'tall for me to say: My name is Anne, I'm an alcoholic...but the further away I got from my last drink, the more the idea sunk in that I was, indeed...a very sick person. An alcoholic? Alcoholism...a disease? I have a disease? That one was really tough to swallow...not just a piece of crow...but the entire bird, man..that's what I felt like I was tryin' to swallow. I felt like this being that was covered in tar & sludge, and I couldn't shake it off. I was sick in all senses of the word, physically, mentally, emotionally & spiritually. This Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous has been provided for me--for us, as a solution...so that I am able to...at first it was comprehend, & then cope, and now--how to live in the solution...of how to deal with this disease that I have. How about that---a tiny group of people back in the 1930's saw it fit to draw up some paperwork, put it in a text book, so that I...many years later, would be able to have what worked for them.