- Being willing

Being willing




Expect the unexpected... or discovered the unsuspected?

Postby Molly M. » Sat Mar 24, 2007 1:52 pm

Wow, Indian Child Welfare would definitely pose an emotional challenge. You must be a strong woman Vicki. Isn't it amazing how often alcoholics find work in areas that are really challenging? In my old homegroup we had among our members an HIV counselor, a psychiatric nurse, a couple of addiction counselors who worked in tough rehab settings, some teachers, a police officer and a few social workers.

I remember at a meeting someone once saying all you have to do is Just Don't Drink. Nobody is going to make you do the steps, but if you don't drink and you do life on life's terms you will eventually choose to work the steps because an alcoholic has no choice either they grow forward or they drink. I find that as more and more gifts of sobriety come my way, more and more challenges come with them as well. I often get discouraged because I feel like I'm facing the same issues over and over until it's pointed out to me how different my life is and how much more complicated it has become. The challenges are often the same--stay as honest as I am able, clean up my messes, and don't drink, but the situations are far beyond what I could have managed when I first got sober. My first year of sobriety it was a challenge to make my bed, pay my bills, do my laundry and cook for myself. Now it's a challenge to be a wife, stepmom, pet owner, teacher, friend and still make my bed, pay my bills, do my laundry and cook.

I guess part of me is always looking for the moment when I'll finally "be cured" :roll: You know I'll have it all together and life will finally be easy. That's that drunken party girl wondering why nobody wants to pay her rent for her :oops: But then I'd miss out on what's turning out to be a pretty wonderful ride in sobriety and I'd never get to grow up :)
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Postby Rusty Zipper » Sun Apr 08, 2007 12:46 am

molly, happy to hear with that faith, belief and trust things are working out...

when the trust falters, as it can at at times does...

for me, having even a glimmer of willingness to regain what i know i stil have burried beep in my abys of alcolohism... has been what helped to guide me through the things that are uncharted territory for me...


molly
It's even more amazing to me that the sense of sharing in recovery can still transcend this distance.
yep molly, maybe cyber recovery might have a chapter in the next big book... lol

Hiya Mr BB, and all the step 12 gang...

wishe'n you all a happy easter...

xxoo, bless... zip
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Postby Dallas » Mon Apr 09, 2007 12:21 am

Hey Zip, nice to see that you're still cybering around!!! :lol: Happy Easter to you, also!!! This is the one day of the year... that "When stuff happens" -- "It happens in color!!!" (The bunnys do it in color! And, this too... shall pass... until next year!) :lol: :lol:
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Postby Molly M. » Tue Apr 10, 2007 2:49 am

Hi Guys;

And Happy Easter to you too Zipper.

Somewhere, a couple of weeks ago, Dallas wrote something along the lines that there might be a difference between making a choice based on how I think an adult should act and making a choice based on what's right for me. I wish I could find the quote, but I think that's the gist of it. Anyway, I had decided to stick with my job for next year and I was feeling really good about the "maturity" of my decision. I was even thinking that the rolling sinking sensation in my stomach was just proof that I was now "mature" enough to not take what I was considering the easier softer way. :roll:

Anyway, since then things have been getting progressively worse at my job. Until finally, I was told that the new position that was supposed to be filled next year was being cut and therefore my student load was going to be severely increased. In fact one class was going to have between 35 and 40 of the toughest students in it. That night I started getting severe stomach pains and an eye twitch. Needless to say, I was a bit of a mess when I went to my meeting that night. Thank G_D for old timers. Two of my old guys took one look at me and pulled me aside to get the scoop. These guys have about 50 yrs between them and alot of perspective. What they told me was that its not uncommon for things to get tough around 9-10 yrs because life gets complicated enough that we really need guidance from our higher power, but we're not real good at listening/hearing yet. :oops: That would be me. I realized talking to them, that despite doing my nightly inventory prayer and meditation, I just am not listening well or trusting what I feel, so I'm doing what I think I should do not what my insides are telling me to do. I'm not sure if this makes sense, but boy did it help talking to those guys about this. One of them said that when I made the right choice I wouldn't feel stressed inside, if I had fear it wouldn't be about the decision, it would be about what was coming around the corner--and that fear would lessen with time.

Anyway, Friday morning I went in to the principals office and gave my notice--I don't think I've ever felt better. I am so relieved, I'm worried about what comes next, but I willing to go on faith.

Dallas your words were definitely right on. It's amazing how much I hold to my preconceived ideas of how I should act.

I am so grateful for this fellowship. It constantly amazes me how much I need the BB and the fellowship to help me learn how to navigate life. Each year teaches me how little I know and how much there is to learn about living life.
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Postby Dallas » Wed Apr 11, 2007 5:45 am

Hello Molly!!!!

Nice to hear from you. I missed you the last few days. :cry: Don't stay away so long! :wink:

Dallas
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Postby anniemac » Wed Apr 11, 2007 5:43 pm

Hey Molly ~

I am so glad to hear that, although it took some ups and downs and a bit of time, that you have arrived at an answer that feels right.

There's a speaker tape by Dr. Paul O. that talks about God's will, and how he used to be confused about what God's will for him was...then he was told that God's will is in the outcome; that regardless of what he tries to do or attempts to do, the way it all plays out is God's will.

That's exactly what struck me when you said that after you agreed to sign on for another year, you were told that the other job was cut and that your load was going to increase. That you did what you thought was right, and then God stepped in and said "nope, sorry, wrong answer, let me give you another hint". LOL Don't mean to make light of such a serious decision, but that is what struck me.

And also, I was reminded of something my sponsor used to tell me a lot -- that for the most part, there are not "right" decisions and "wrong" decisions; just different paths to follow.

Wishing you peace and success as you continue forward in your journey!
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Postby garden variety » Fri May 11, 2007 4:27 pm

Molly M. wrote:You know I'll have it all together and life will finally be easy. That's that drunken party girl wondering why nobody wants to pay her rent for her :oops: But then I'd miss out on what's turning out to be a pretty wonderful ride in sobriety and I'd never get to grow up :)


I love this. It reminded me of a lead I heard where the guy said it wouldn't matter if everything got together for him the way he wanted. Then he said if he got it together, he'd forget where he put it anyway. Well I can relate to that.

Hi Molly,

And thank you for showing me that I have to always trust the Higher Power for the outcome of any day. For me it goes back to step 3 every day. I have a decision to make and that is to surrender my will to the great Caretaker in the sky. Then it doesnt matter what the outcome is - I know that when my will is in His care - whatever the outcome is its 100% better than if its up to me alone in my head. I guess the way I see it is that God has never failed when I honestly ask for help. But me - my track record speaks for itself. Show me to the nearest brick wall so I can ram my head into it a few times and get good and bloody to be sure I cant think for crap without God and the fellowship.

Those changes your having will look scary but with one foot in front of the other you will go through them and the outcome will be the best if you stay in the third step. And you made a good point, when I follow Gods will the path is the easiest and I feel relief almost instantly. Thats because I think its Gods will for me not to ever have to struggle or fight. Like the book says we quit fighting about anything. Or like they say around here "The river flows just fine without you pushing it." (darn Dallas you got me started on these sayings I hear at meetings now I cant stop)

I think the good thing is that God will work a miracle through you if you surrender and let him do the hard stuff. Then your outcome "bears witness to those you would help" of your Gods power and not your own ego power. Then everyone that knows your a alcoholic will be made stronger because they see God working through you and they say "look at that drunk Molly - I know she never could have done that if she was drinking". Thats how all of us know and see how each others "adventures before and after" show that we are alcoholics that cant manage our lives but God could and would if He were sought.
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Postby Molly M. » Sat May 12, 2007 1:11 pm

Hi GV;

I can honestly say that as the school year draws to its end--every day brings affirmation that my decision was the right one :D

Molly
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12 Step Alcohol and Drug Addiction Recovery | - Being willing