- Cheerfulness and Laughter make for usefulness

Cheerfulness and Laughter make for usefulness




Share your sobriety jokes and humor here

Postby Banjoman » Sat Sep 09, 2006 9:49 pm

Dallas wrote::lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:
Thanks for sharing that!!! I enjoyed the laughs!!!


Here are some more that a 35year sober man just sent me..


A very elderly gentleman, (mid nineties) very well dressed, hair well groomed, great looking suit, flower in his lapel smelling slightly of a good after shave, presenting a well looked-after image, walks into an

upscale cocktail lounge. Seated at the bar is an elderly looking lady, (mid eighties).



The gentleman walks over, sits alongside of her, orders a drink, takes a sip, turns to her and says, "So tell me, do I come here often?"



xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx







An elderly couple had dinner at another couple's house, and after eating, the wives left the table and went into the kitchen. The two gentlemen were talking, and one said, "Last night we went out to a new restaurant and it was really great. I would recommend it very highly.



The other man said, "What is the name of the restaurant?"



The first man thought and thought and finally said, "What is the name of that flower you give to someone you love? You know... the one that's red and has thorns."



"Do you mean a rose?"



"Yes, that's the one," replied the man. He then turned towards the kitchen and yelled, "Rose, what's the name of that restaurant we went to last night?



&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&



Hospital regulations require a wheelchair for patients being discharged.



However, while working as a student nurse, I found one elderly gentleman--already dressed and sitting on the bed with a suitcase at his feet--who insisted he didn't need my help to leave the hospital.



After a chat about rules being rules, he reluctantly let me wheel him to the elevator. On the way down I asked him if his wife was meeting him.



"I don't know," he said. "She's still upstairs in the bathroom changing out of her hospital gown."





<><><><><><><>



Couple in their nineties are both having problems remembering things. During a checkup, the doctor tells them that they're physically okay, but they might want to start writing things down to help them remember. Later that night, while watching TV, the old man gets up from his chair. "Want anything while I'm in the kitchen?" he asks.

"Will you get me a bowl of ice cream?"

"Sure."

"Don't you think you should write it down so you can remember it?" she asks.

"No, I can remember it."

"Well, I'd like some strawberries on top, too. Maybe you should write it down, so's not to forget it?"

He says, "I can remember that. You want a bowl of ice cream with strawberries."

"I'd also like whipped cream. I'm certain you'll forget that, write it down?" she asks.

Irritated, he says, "I don't need to write it down, I can remember it! Ice cream with strawberries and whipped cream - I got it, for goodness sake!" Then he toddles into the kitchen.

After about 20 minutes, he returns from the kitchen and hands his wife a plate of bacon and eggs.

She stares at the plate for a moment.

?I told you to write it down! Where's my toast?"



<><><><><><><>







Three old guys are out walking.

First one says, "Windy, isn't it?"

Second one says, "No, it's Thursday!"

Third one says, "So am I. Let's go get a beer."



<><><><><><><>



A man was telling his neighbor, "I just bought a new hearing aid. It cost me four thousand dollars, but it's state of the art. It's perfect."

"Really," answered the neighbor. "What kind is it?"

"Twelve thirty."





Please join me in a walk through Wildflowers
Banjoman
 
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Postby Banjoman » Sat Sep 09, 2006 10:16 pm

Scott: Alcoholic wrote:Oh! Well, just to 'clear the air'...I meant the clapping part. :lol:
To Scott. I was reading your profile and you say you want to work the steps and find a sponsor to work them with (or words to that effect).. Waste no time in choosing a sponsor. If need be, you can change sponsors en route to your freedom via the journey of the steps :D . . Look for a meeting room with a few 'old timers' on board. They usually have a good few years into sobriety. Listen to them share. Ask questions, talk to them after and before the meeting. I am sure that one of them will take you through the steps.
Heres a thought. How to become an 'Oldtimer'..yourself.. 'Dont drink and dont die'.. lol
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Postby Scott: Alcoholic » Sun Sep 10, 2006 3:16 am

Hey Banjoman...that is actually an invitation to anyone looking to get working the steps ( there is a question mark at the end of that first sentence)...LOL! :)
I'm all for getting someone started - face to face or on the phone...makes no matter to me. I have found that either will work if the person on the other end is truly desperate for change.

Just making myself available here at Step12 - just like I would at any meeting I attend regularly. Of course, the criteria is really simple: only the willing need PM me. LOL! :lol:

Great jokes...I love the 'do I come here often' quickie - reminds me of me some days. :)

S
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Postby Banjoman » Sun Sep 10, 2006 8:53 am

Scott: Alcoholic wrote:Hey Banjoman...that is actually an invitation to anyone looking to get working the steps ( there is a question mark at the end of that first sentence)...LOL! :)
I'm all for getting someone started - face to face or on the phone...makes no matter to me. I have found that either will work if the person on the other end is truly desperate for change.

Just making myself available here at Step12 - just like I would at any meeting I attend regularly. Of course, the criteria is really simple: only the willing need PM me. LOL! :lol:

Great jokes...I love the 'do I come here often' quickie - reminds me of me some days. :)

S
My mistake Scott... I have a great sponsor who is guiding me through the steps as I type. Good for you making yourself available to another aloholic. Some day I hope to be in your position. Take care and God Bless man... Mike
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Postby Zanthos » Thu Mar 15, 2007 5:26 am

Just read through this thread....

That was fun!
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Postby musicmode » Sun Mar 25, 2007 5:33 am

:wink:
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Postby Dimples » Mon Jun 11, 2007 12:02 am

A man appeared before St. Peter at the Pearly Gates.
"Have you ever done anything of particular merit?" St. Peter asked.
"Well, I can think of one thing," the man offered. "Once, on a trip to the Black Hills out in South Dakota , I came upon a gang of bikers, who were threatening a young woman. I directed them to leave her alone, but they wouldn't listen. So, I approached the largest and most heavily tattooed biker and smacked him in his face, kicked his bike over, ripped out his nose ring, and threw it on the ground.
I yelled, "Now, back off!! Or I'll kick the sh*t out of all of you!"
St. Peter was impressed, "When did this happen?"

"Just a couple minutes ago..."
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Postby Dallas » Mon Jun 11, 2007 12:15 am

:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

That's a great one Dimples!!!

I can't wait to borrow it!!!!

Dallas
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Postby Dimples » Mon Jun 11, 2007 12:33 am

A man riding his Harley was riding along a California beach when
suddenly
the sky clouded above his head and, in a booming voice, the Lord said,
"Because you have TRIED to be faithful to me in all ways, I will grant
you one wish.

"The biker pulled over and said, "Build a bridge to Hawaii so I can
ride over anytime I want."

The Lord said, "Your request is materialistic, think of the enormous
challenges for that kind of undertaking; the supports required reaching
the bottom of the Pacific and the concrete and steel it would take! It
will nearly exhaust several natural resources. I can do it, but it is hard
for me to justify your desire for worldly things. Take a little more time and
think of something that could possibly help mankind."

The biker thought about it for a long time. Finally, he said, "Lord, I wish
that I and all men could understand women; I want to know how she
feels inside, what she's thinking when she gives me the silent treatment,
why she cries, what she means when she says nothing's wrong, and how I can
make a woman truly happy."

The Lord replied, "You want two lanes or four on that bridge?
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Postby Dimples » Mon Jun 11, 2007 12:34 am

Glad you liked it Dallas.
P
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12 Step Alcohol and Drug Addiction Recovery | - Cheerfulness and Laughter make for usefulness