Your post reminded me of a meeting today at noon. It was step one and there was this guy who was freaking out because he wanted to drink so bad, he knew his he was powerless over alcohol-that his life had become unmanageable, but he kept saying the urge to drink was still strong, that when he got upset, mad, scared, lonely, etc..... he wanted to drink. That all got me to thinking about me the other night sitting outside smoking a cig ( I stopped smoking a month ago but the damn things keep finding a way back in my hand
) anyway I was thinking about how cool it was that some of the 10th step promises ( pg 84 &85 in BB) had started coming true for me. It says I will seldom be interested in liquor. How cool is that? and that is so true for me today...it also goes on to say it will be that way if I stay in fit spiritual condition. What still does happen on occasion is I get a real big urge to escape at times, and now that I don't want to drink or use to do it, I find myself trying to find other ways. I know my first reaction is men, but I think I'm too afraid that my sponsor would kick my ass if I went out with someone with two months sober
, so that's a BIG no. I also think about sleep, that is a good way to escape. I have others but I will try to keep this short. Bottom line is I am still an alcoholic, even if I'm not drinking. I drank and escaped for 22 years, now I am learning how to escape in positive ways, like a meeting, maybe hard for you to do up there in hell frozen over, may not be many meetings, maybe you could grab some sober alcoholic and start your own.
I read the BB first 164 pages and the stories, if the first 164 bore the hell out of me at times.
Getting on here.
Helping another alcoholic-or just another.
Hanging out with my son.
Hitting my knees....if you put your mind into it, I bet you can make the list longer. So maybe, just maybe, its not the relationship you want, could it be the escape of you
that your looking for? I know, HARSH reality isn't it? It was for me. Maybe your not as sick as I am, maybe you are ready for a relationship, and it has nothing to do with escape. I am telling you what I went through. So that's my ES&H for the day. It works for me, today (and yesterday). I hope with all my heart you find what works for you.