- Step 5 from the receiving end...

Step 5 from the receiving end...




12 Steps: Discussions related to the 12 Steps and using them as a treatment to recover from alcohol and drug addiction.

Postby anniemac » Mon May 21, 2007 8:09 pm

Well, the 5th Step was postponed ~ my sponsee and I were going to meet at the beach to do it, but it was rainy and chilly.

I had a dream this morning before I woke up, that she and I were at a college or something; a place with a lot of buildings and a lot of people, and dorm rooms. We were walking around from place to place, trying to find a private spot to do her 5th Step. Finally she suggested we drive off-campus, that she thought she had a spot where we could sit quietly. So I followed her directions, which included and resulted in me driving my car off the roof of a building!! Somehow we were not injured at all, but my thought before I woke up was, "I'm thinking that I'm not going to leave it up to her as to where we do her 5th Step next weekend." !! :shock:
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Postby Dallas » Mon May 21, 2007 8:33 pm

Funny that you should mention that. :wink: I've listened to lots of 5th Steps -- while taking them for a long drive. With gas prices the way they are now -- we're using park benches instead of the long drives! :lol: By the way -- I just got home from the park, after listening to another 5th. Now, I'm off to bed for a nap!!! :lol:

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Postby Powerless Dee » Tue Jul 03, 2007 10:41 pm

I am doing my 5th step tonight with my sponsor (unless we get rained out) we are flooding here. I'm really nervous. I don't feel that I did a really thorough 4th for some reason. I feel if I had more time I could come up with more *stuff*, but she didn't give me a whole lot of time to do this...she said that me, in particular, with my issues needed to move into action fast. I believe she's right, I'm just really nervous about it. I feel like I will *fail* at this and not do a good job. I know it isn't a test, but that's kind of what it feels like to me. I don't know that I'm ready to rip myself open, but I know that I have to.
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Postby Dallas » Tue Jul 03, 2007 10:45 pm

Hey Powerless Dee!!!!

I'll bet just about everyone of us felt the same as you do now!

Don't worry. Everything will be fine! And, it will go perfectly!

Best regards to you!

Powerless Dallas
:lol: :lol: :lol:
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Postby carol1017 » Tue Jul 03, 2007 11:35 pm

Hi Dee!

I agree with Dallas on this -- I know I certainly didn't feel that my 4th step was thorough enough, and was worried about "failing".

I'll pass on to you something my sponsor shared with me -- she said that the only step that must be done perfectly is the first step. There's always time to go back to your 4th, if necessary, but you may not even find it necessary. There is no "failing" if you are honest, open and willing.

When I did my 5th step with my sponsor, I didn't have that immediate feeling of release and freedom that everyone talked about. After a couple of weeks, my sponsor suggested that I go back and look at my 4 step again -- that maybe there were still some issues that I hadn't dealt with.

I didn't have to do that, because on the way home from talking to her about this, I suddenly realized what was wrong. What was wrong was that there was NOTHING WRONG!!!! I had held onto, nurtured and fed some of those resentments for so many years, I was suddenly like a parent thrust into the "empty nest" syndrome -- I didn't have anyone or anything to be angry about.

At that point, I began to feel the release and freedom talked about in the Big Book, and I'm sure the same can happen for you.
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Postby Powerless Dee » Wed Jul 04, 2007 9:17 pm

Last night we got together for about three hours and began the fifth. Very, very different from when I did it last time. Then, all I did was read the "poor me" stuff about how I had been wronged, and of course the shameful things that I had put my parents through. We cried together and that was it. This time, I read off my resentments list and we went back and pinpointed what it affected in me, self-esteem, security, etc., then went further to state where I had gone wrong in the transaction, such as, being the victim, not defending myself, self-seeking, etc., and finally, what I could have done differently, i.e. not playing the victim, ignoring whoever, walking away, defending myself, etc.

What a big difference from the first time! I must say, we are not by any means finished with my fifth, but this sure took alot of the "resentment wind" out of my sails!!!! Hope it sticks...although I realize that anger and resentments will raise their heads, at least I have some ammunition and tools to work with.
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Postby Dallas » Wed Jul 04, 2007 9:29 pm

Powerless Dee,

Congratulations on the progress!
Thanks for checking in and reporting back on your experience.
We think about you!!!! We wonder how you're doing. :wink:

Powerless Dallas
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Postby carol1017 » Wed Jul 04, 2007 9:31 pm

That's wonderful, Dee!!

Sounds like you're doing a great job and you've got a great sponsor -- keep up the good work!
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Postby Powerless Dee » Wed Jul 04, 2007 9:59 pm

You know, one of the hardest things, she said, was going to be dealing with the horrible resentments I have against my deceased husband. She has been saying that I need to pray for him, for his peace, etc. and everytime she says that I just CRINGE and shudder. She always laughed and said "I know how you feel, but you will learn how to do this and I will show you how." She did show me the prayer in the big book Chpt 5, it is praying for the other person because they are sick and cannot/could not help the ways in which they acted and to forgive them. Well last night, when I was leaving her house, as I was getting into my car, she called me and asked if there was anything on my ashamed list about my husband that I needed to say. It was very hard, but I told her a couple of things that I had done, horrible things, to him. She said, so, he wasn't the only 'sick puppy', you were, too. You need also to pray for yourself and ask forgiveness.

That was a true God shot, because as I was getting in my car I was thinking, what about the things I am ashamed of that I did to Keith? How do I handle that? How do I live with that?

Amazing how it works sometime. I am still very green at this and wonder at every turn how to do what, and this is no different, but with help and support, I honestly believe that it will get easier as more is revealed.

I just have to say again how very thankful I am for this board!

Dee
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Postby Dallas » Wed Jul 04, 2007 11:11 pm

And... we're thankful that you're here with us Dee!!! :wink:

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12 Step Alcohol and Drug Addiction Recovery | - Step 5 from the receiving end...