- Question - deferring to a sponsee

Question - deferring to a sponsee




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Question - deferring to a sponsee

Postby anniemac » Tue Jul 10, 2007 3:28 pm

Hi everyone, I have a question --

A sponsee and I signed up to speak at an Open meeting. The format is that the two of us split the hour in our qualification; no sharing from the group. Typically a 3rd person comes with us to introduce us. My sponsor was going to be the 3rd person, but she is now unable to attend. I asked another sponsee of mine to join us and introduce us.

Now I'm thinking, as her sponsor, should I give my speaking spot to her, and then I'd introduce? It's important to me to go out speaking, it helps my sobriety, so I'd rather not give up my slot. However, is that ego? Is it proper to allow the newer person the opportunity to be the speaker? Should I be "all growed up" and put my needs aside to give her the opportunity? Or is that thinking just my codependency stuff rearing up?

Thanks,
Anne
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Postby Dallas » Tue Jul 10, 2007 5:00 pm

anniemac wrote:Or is that thinking just my codependency stuff rearing up?


Maybe -- it would be best for you to ask codependency questions on a codependency website. We talk about alcoholism and A.A. here.

Dallas
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Postby anniemac » Tue Jul 10, 2007 5:05 pm

So sorry, Dallas - if I knew for sure that it was a codependecy question then I would have done just that. However, I thought it was a sponsorship question. That's why I posted it here.
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Postby Dallas » Tue Jul 10, 2007 7:21 pm

My duplicate post -- I've always preferred more than one!!! :lol: :lol:

[quote="Page 28, There is a Solution - Alcoholics Anonymous
"]Here was the terrible dilemma in which our friend found
himself when he had the extraordinary experience, which
as we have already told you, made him a free man.

We, in our turn, sought the same escape with all the
desperation of drowning men. What seemed at first a
flimsy reed, has proved to be the loving and powerful
hand of God. A new life has been given us or, if you
prefer, “a design for livingâ€
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Postby rockingchair » Tue Jul 10, 2007 7:24 pm

Flip a coin -- draw straws -- remember Rule 62 and how important is it?
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Postby garden variety » Tue Jul 10, 2007 7:30 pm

Hey Annie,

Here's my rule: Keep it simple.

If your sponsor was the 3rd person and did the introductions of you and your sponsee, then it doesn't matter who you ask.
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Postby carol1017 » Tue Jul 10, 2007 11:00 pm

In my very limited experience, speakers are usually invited to speak at an open meeting, not "sign up", but every group has different methods.

An observation: it sounds like ego is working in both directions here -- going in one direction to build you up to yourself by being a speaker, and in the other by making the noble gesture of giving up your spot to someone else, building you up to others.

Only you can determine what your motivation is in signing up to speak -- is it to share your experience, strength and hope or is it to tell your story?

An oldtimer once told me that everyone has 3 stories -- your story, the story you tell, and the story God tells. The last one is the one that best communicates your experience, strength and hope.
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Postby Dallas » Tue Jul 10, 2007 11:53 pm

Carol1017 wrote:An oldtimer once told me that everyone has 3 stories -- your story, the story you tell, and the story God tells. The last one is the one that best communicates your experience, strength and hope.


Thank you Carol. It seems like that's the first time I've heard that (unless I heard it, but wasn't ready to hear it). I like it. After my meeting tonight, when I get home -- I'm going to meditate on that thought.

It makes me wonder how often my head might be getting in the way of what God wants to say -- or, the story that God wants to tell.

What would be awesome to me -- would be to experience the integrity of having my story, my story that I tell, and the story God tells, along with my head and my body, in the same place at the same time -- and to line up in synchronicity.

Dallas
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Postby anniemac » Wed Jul 11, 2007 12:48 am

Carol ~ Around here we have what are called Speaker Exchange Meetings. Representatives from groups that choose to participate attend, and swap dates to have some of their group members attend the other group to speak, as their incoming speakers. The group that is going out on that commitment has what is called an Outgoing Speaker Calendar that members sign up on, to take those available commitments.

Why do I take these commitments? For two reasons. To stay sober, and to carry the message. As Bill Wilson learned early on when all of his attempts to get others sober failed, reaching out kept him sober. So, yes, my intent is to keep myself sober. And to carry the message of AA by sharing my experience, strength and hope of what it was like, what happened, and what it's like now.

I feel that it is important for me to speak occassionally as it helps with my own sobriety. So that's why I'd like to speak on this commitment. Yet, I was wondering if there's unofficial protocol or something where a sponsor should always take a back seat to a sponsee. That's why I asked my question. I don't view this as ego-based, but as a desire to learn how to be a better sponsor.

By the way, I spoke with a few AA's around here about it, and their feedback was that if I signed up for the commitment, then I should speak, and not defer to the sponsee....she is responsible for her own sobriety and if she didn't choose to sign up for a commitment, it's not my job to give her mine.

Dallas ~ I'm not grasping what your "duplicate post" has to do with my question.

Rockingchair ~ you're right, it's not majorly important. Just a simple question in attempting to learn the ropes of sponsorship.

Paul ~ I'm not sure I understand your response ~ if my sponsor was the 3rd person and did the introductions, I wouldn't have needed to ask anyone else. But she is unavailable, so she is not the 3rd person and therefore is not giving intros.

At any rate, I'm comfortable with the feedback I've gotten locally, and since I initially signed up for the commitment, I will speak.
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Postby garden variety » Wed Jul 11, 2007 2:46 am

Yes that s why I mentioned it Annie. Keep it simple.

Your sponsor was only there to give introductions. So if you ask anyone else to take her place, it won't matter who does they're just being called on to do introductions.

What I'm saying is don't reinvent the wheel - You and your sponsee do the speaking part as you orignally planned - then just get any old 3rd person to do the introductions.

I think that's pretty simple? Sorry if its hard to understand.
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