What do you look for in a sponsor

[crickit]

I know we all start by finding someone who has what we want but what else should you look for in finding a sponsor.

When I first came to the program I had a lot of trust issues so finding someone I was comfortable opening up to was very important. I've heard it say so many times that you should follow your sponsors advise unquestionably. What I have found is that although many follow the BB as they have interpreted it or have been taught by their sponsor, many have different views as to what works for them. I've also run into people that say they are working the program and seem to know all the right things to say at meetings and around other AA members then we you see them outside of AA they are no more working the program than when they were active alcoholics. It has taken me 7 months to get to know different people in the groups.

When I first came into AA I was told to get a sponsor so I did. We have become very good freinds and I have a lot of love and respect for her but knowing her on a more personal level now I find that she does not actually work the program. She does things now that she knows will cause a need to make amends later. (details don't really matter)

Anyway, what I'd like to know is what kind of questions would you ask of a potential sponsor to ensure you are getting the kind of sponsor you need. And I do mean NEED not WANT.

Any idea's ???

Crickit

[918gma]

Great question. I too have questioned my sponsors motives on many occastions. But the bottom line is when you need her to can she still pull your head out of your ass.

We have to remember that we never recover from this illness, ever!!!!! Therefor the people we deal with are also still sick. That's why we say principles not personalities.

As I got healthier and I use that term loosly, I too saw people differently than the awe I had when I first came in. I got a little big for my britches there for a time.

The bottom line is, if we have done our home work properly, we didn't find our own sponsor, our HP did. Because that person can relate to your issues better than some one who hasn't had as many of the same life experiences you have.

I know she is now a dear friend, that is one of the pitfalls of sponsorship. But look at the situation closly. If she is still meeting your needs then you haven't outgrown her. If she isn't then check in with your HP and find out where to go from there. Love ya Kathy.

[crickit]

we didn't find our own sponsor, our HP did.

Good point. She is the first woman that actually talked to me when I first came into AA and personally invited me to my next meeting and introduced me to others. For months I called her 'my light at the end of the tunnel' because if it wasn't for her I don't think I would have went back. As it turns out, we are so much alike it's almost like we are a shadow of each other. Our drunkalogs are very different but our personalities are a perfect match.

I guess I'm just anxious to learn as much about the program as I possibly can so that I will be able to pass it on. What is working for me isn't neccessarily going to work with others so I want to be very grounded in the program as it was written.

Thanks Kathy,

BB
Crickit
xxoo

[918gma]

All this and a box of doughnuts too. It all takes time. I'm the worst about that. I want it yesterday.

Your time will come. I just got my first real sponcie, and I'm almost 18 months sober.

There's other ways to contribute as well. And some day befor you know it there going to be a real live cricket jr float into your life and turn it upside down.