How Do You Deal With Heart-breaks and Disappointments?

Expect the unexpected... or discovered the unsuspected?
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How Do You Deal With Heart-breaks and Disappointments?

Postby Dallas » Sat Sep 15, 2007 1:36 pm

How Do You Deal With Heart-breaks and Disappointments?

When the alcoholic finally gets sober – he discovers this thing in life – that he has spent his entire lifetime trying to forget that he has – and that is his feelings – his emotions.

Sober – he can’t duck it or dodge it. He can weave and bob – trying not to get hit. But, sooner or later, he’ll take a big one on the chin. (An Emotional Hit). And, when he does – he might shake his head and say – Ah. That wasn’t too bad – I’ll get through it. No big deal. Life is full of surprises. This too shall pass. And, it does.

If he, or she, stays sober long enough – they’ll get hit again and again and again. And, they may say something like “Well. At least I’m sober. And, most of the times – I’m reasonably happy. And, once in a while – it seems like I may be experiencing some of those promises that they read about in some of the A.A. meetings. They pick themselves up. Shake themselves off. And, continue to trudge the Road of Happy Destiny.

When we came to A.A., we heard that things will get better. That regardless of the obstacles that would come our way – we would never have to drink again. Some of us doubted them and some of us believed them. And, some who doubted eventually came to suspect it, and then to finally believe it. And, we continued to trudge the Road of Happy Destiny.

Then, one day – as we’re trudging the Road of Happy Destiny – the sky is clear, not a cloud in the sky. The sun is shining brightly in our lives. Everything is all right. And, suddenly – out of the blue – we get hit by a big one. This time – it’s not on the chin. It’s deep within our solar-plexus. It nails us right in the heart – big time. The hurt and pain feel devastating. Getting knocked off their Spiritual mountain top, they sometimes cry out something like “My God. My God. Have you forsaken me?â€

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Postby DebbieV » Sat Sep 15, 2007 4:52 pm

The truth, I have no idea at this point in my sobriety how to get past the Big One, so if you dont mind, I'm going to borrow yours. :D
1. This too shall pass – and it will pass more favorably if I don’t drink and I don’t harm others and I don’t harm myself.

2. That if I will trust God, clean my own house – admit my faults to my fellows, clean up my own wreckage – make amends, when they are due – and, try to help others – I will never have to drink again, and God will match His serenity with any calamity that comes my way.

3. It may take time for it to pass. It might not be an overnight relief – it may take time. But, if I continue taking the next right action – God’s will for me will be done – and I will eventually return to happy, joyous and free.

I feel like I have done #2, as best as I can......but, I think it will be a life-long lesson.

Heartbreaks are hard sober, feelings are hard sober, sober in-itself is hard at times........... But, thank God, for all that I have been blessed with: My life, Sobriety, AA, The Big Book, The Fellowship.......A big, Thank God, for a God of my understanding.

A true child of God told me to read Page 83-88 everyday and read the line twice: " The spiritual life is not a theory. We have to live it."
Now.....I SEE WHY.


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Postby Don G. » Sun Sep 16, 2007 9:38 pm

I'm trying to move it. If it don't work moder-tater I'll slice and dice you.
Last edited by Don G. on Sun Sep 16, 2007 10:05 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Don G.
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Joined: Wed Oct 04, 2006 7:38 pm

Postby Don G. » Sun Sep 16, 2007 9:47 pm

Damn it. I put this reply in the wrong place. How'd that happen? How do I move it?

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Postby Moderator » Sun Sep 16, 2007 9:58 pm

Copy and paste it where you want it and then delete the original message.

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Don G.
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Postby Don G. » Sun Sep 16, 2007 10:14 pm

You're only half right Moder-tater. There is no way to delete it. I cut and pasted it. You got lucky. I'm having a good day. Now some body tell me how you put those pictures of the goofy faces on your page? I tried to drag them over but they don't move.

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Postby buddy » Tue Dec 22, 2009 12:03 am

I don't really know how, but I do know that right now, I am 36 days clean and sober again. This year I've lost an 88 yr. old father, an 18 yr. old cat, almost 23 months sober, a fiancee' and a beautiful boxer that loved me as if I had never made a mistake in my whole life, 40+ yrs. Dallas helped quite a bit with some private messaging. I do believe God has spared my life for a reason what it is, I'm not quite sure, I hope I can try to be of maximum service to Him and my fellows, through alot of help, and love from my sponsor, the fellowship, God, the program and my sister. I really don't have much of anything in the material sense to live for, in fact at one time I had plans of making "the supreme sacrifice" whenever my father died, but God and A.A. has changed enough of my thinking where that isn't much of an option any longer, take care all of you and Happy Holidays.

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Postby Dallas » Tue Dec 22, 2009 2:43 am

Nice to hear from you buddy.

Just like each one of us -- you have a very unique job in front of you. All of the experiences of your entire life were required to prepare you for what it is, that only you can do. I can't do it. Someone else can't do it. Only you will be able to do the job. At some point in time, and maybe, numerous points in time, your sobriety and your unique experience will put you in a place to reach out and help someone, that only you can reach. Because of your experiences, you will be uniquely prepared to help them.

On page 98, Big Book, it reads:

"Burn the idea into the consciousness of every man that
he can get well regardless of anyone. The only condition
is that he trust in God and clean house."

And, on page 77 ,
"Our real purpose is to fit ourselves to be of maximum
service to God and the people about us."

And, on page 83-84 ,

"If we are painstaking about this phase of our development,
we will be amazed before we are half way
through. We are going to know a new freedom and a
new happiness. We will not regret the past nor wish
to shut the door on it.
We will comprehend the word serenity and we will know peace. No matter how far
down the scale we have gone, we will see how our experience
can benefit others
. That feeling of uselessness and selfpity
will disappear. We will lose interest in selfish things
and gain interest in our fellows. Self-seeking will slip away.
Our whole attitude and outlook upon life will change. Fear
of people and of economic insecurity will leave us. We will
intuitively know how to handle situations which used to
baffle us. We will suddenly realize that God is doing for us
what we could not do for ourselves."

And, on page 132,

"We have recovered, and have been given the power to help others."

And, on page 152-153,

"Near you, alcoholics are dying helplessly
like people in a sinking ship. If you live in a large
place, there are hundreds. High and low, rich and poor,
these are future fellows of Alcoholics Anonymous.
Among them you will make lifelong friends. You will
be bound to them with new and wonderful ties, for
you will escape disaster together and you will commence shoulder to shoulder your common journey.
Then you will know what it means to give of yourself
that others may survive and rediscover life. You will
learn the full meaning of “Love thy neighbor as thyself.â€

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Postby Sermon » Tue Jul 27, 2010 3:36 pm

Wow, exactly what I needed to hear. I've been going through a breakup for the last 2 months. And yes, it hurts. The first time the "BIG ONE" hit me I was 1 1/2 years sober and I let it eat at me enough that I didn't work the program and it ended up me going back out and getting some more and in 3 months I was living back at my parents house with everything God had given me takin away.

This time I did go against what the old timers told me and I got into a relationship when I only had 2 months sober. She had 3 years but it's not her fault. I knew better. We dated for 6 months no problems. Got along great, I really don't even think we had a fight once. It almost seemed to good. Well 6 months into it she breaks up with me telling me God told her to do it. I was ok with it but I was devistated as well. This time I called my sponsor and I did an inventory and prayed for her. It still hurts sometimes but after 2 months I'm finding that I need to move on. She called me for the last 2 months but I haven't talked to her in week today. I'm actually ok with it right now. I've decided to get into the Big Book and get involved. I can't control the situation nor can I bring her back to me. I tried that of course when I was devistated and it only drove her away further. Everything happens for a reason and on God's time not mine. I'm really anticipating what's next on his agenda though. Got my seatbelt on and I'm riding shotgun with him driving. Let's see where I'm going this time. Hopefully this helps someone else.

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Postby Dallas » Tue Jul 27, 2010 10:14 pm

This too shall pass. When we wipe, flush, and wash -- and keep from reaching down in that hole trying to grab on to it again -- it always passes -- and stays passed. :wink:

I hope my analogy is not crude. I don't mean it that way. The only way some things seemed to pass for me was after I flushed them. And, after the flush -- I got busy cleaning up. And, it worked.

I'm sure glad that she didn't shoot you w/ a shotgun and then tell you "Sorry! God told me to do it!" :lol: :lol:

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