STEP 1 - We admitted we were powerless over alcohol --- that our lives had become unmanageable.
My name is Anne, I'm an alcoholic.
I have heard the AND, and quite likely have said it too...you hear something often enough, one begins to repeat it without really being aware. This, has confused me. I have been told, and I have heard...that Step 1 is a 2-part step...which...confused me
I even heard one time, where there were a small group of people (2 or 3?) were discussing another alcoholic, who was absent from this particular discussion. What they were saying was: we know that he's come to grips in accepting that he's an alcoholic, but he's never quite grasped the concept of unmanageability--he's got the "1st part" of step 1, but not the "2nd part". This struck an off chord with me because...well...I don't know, it confused me. I'd heard it before around the tables, and by well meaning sponsors, and there was "something" I wasn't getting
. I'd read it, then I'd listen...and somehow, the translation (with me) was getting lost in the transmission, though I didn't know how, or know enough to even ask.
For me, I wonder if it's as simple as our my introduction: My name is Anne, I'm an alcoholic.
Admit...to myself...sounding it down...and maybe (at first) not liking very much that this was ringing truth within me--whether I liked it or not. Am I willing to admit that I am powerless over alcohol---that my life had become unmanageable. When I "looked back" at the wake of destruction; when I looked in the mirror at all of those lovely
shades of jaundice and gang-green; when there was no other way to slice the facts into excuses, cuz I'd run out of them, and I'd run out of energy to hold up all of those excuses...it became as obvious to me as the sunrise itself--I understood...I am powerless over alcohol, if I know nothing else about myself--that much I know...and that was enough at first. I was willing to admit it, and it was a relief to do so. ---that my life had become unmanageable? There was/is no contest there, either. It was the unmanageability that I could no longer deal with, I'd painted myself into a corner...and deep down--I knew. I knew what the problem really
was. It was alcohol, and I couldn't leave it alone.
What I've had to learn to accept, was...that no matter what happens in a day, good or bad...the ONLY thing I really, really want--is a drink. I don't take action on that thought, and now it's been long enough where I don't want to lose everything that I have gained as a result of sobriety. I don't desire
to drink, what's been removed is the ability to pick it up--and...the ONLY thing keeping me
from doing that is God as I understand Him
. No human power could relieve me, no human power can relieve me. I've tried for years to "just never touch it again." All the wishing it away, and my own will power could not keep me from drinking. My sobriety (to me
), is precious and sacred, I cherish it, and I am willing to go to any lengths to keep it. Do I get it right and perfect? Nooo
. But, I want to be sober wa-aay more than I want that drink. But, to be perfectly and completely honest with myself
...the thing I want the most, everyday--no matter what, is a drink. Because of that, the willingness I have--to hand my will and life over, and stay in close conscious contact with God as I understand Him
, is paramount, because He is the only thing keeping me from actually grasping that drink--literally. I can say that, I have reached for it, and my hand is literally moved away...I could not have a drink even if I wanted to. That kind of strength does not come from me, or from within...it comes from--FIRST--admitting that I am powerless over alcohol--- (remembering)--that my life had become unmanageable...and remembering...my last drunk.
Keep it simple,