Step12.com

[Dallas]

Step One – the most often misquoted Step of the 12 Steps!

Funny how things are.

We sit around in meetings emphasizing the importance of a complete and perfect First Step – and it’s Step One – that is one of the most misquoted Steps of the 12 Steps.

The word “and” is NOT in Step One.

I hear it over and over and over again “We admitted that we were powerless over alcohol AND our lives had become unmanageable.”

That’s NOT Step 1.

Step 1 is “We admitted we were powerless over alcohol – that our lives had become unmanageable.”

Contrary to what is popularly quoted – and, I believe it’s fuel that feeds the resistance and confusion about Step One – Step 1 is NOT a “two part” Step.

Step One is an admission of alcoholism. (See page 30 of the Big Book).

It is an acknowledgement that we have become convinced in our inner-most selves that we are alcoholics.

I made the error, also – for many years, thinking that “Step One is a two part Step.” It isn’t.

When I read the descriptions of “what an alcoholic is” in the Big Book – I have yet to find any reference that “and an unmanageable life” has anything to do – with whether or not a person is alcoholic or non-alcoholic. It just isn’t there.

For me – when I was new in A.A., part of the reason I was confused and could not become convinced that I was alcoholic – was because I was not convinced that “my life was unmanageable” – like I was hearing about it in A.A. meetings.

Therefore, I concluded that “if my life is not unmanageable – then, I must not be an alcoholic.”

So... what did I do? I continued drinking and letting my life get progressively more screwed up, and allowing my alcoholism to progress without treating it – until I could say “my life is unmanageable.”

Had I known the proper description of an alcoholic – and realized that the “and my life had become unmanageable” was not part of the description of an alcoholic – I might have had a better chance of grasping the concept of alcoholism.

Why is this important?

I believe that the reasons that it is important are:

1. It’s wrong. And, it’s confusing.
2. Using the word “and” is adding a “condition” to alcoholism, that just isn’t there.
3. If we are ever to succeed in helping the still suffering alcoholics to “raise their bottom” the easiest way to do that – would be to admit to our error and correct it.
4. We can better understand the meaning of Step One – by looking at it as it was written.

Notice in #4 above – where I used the dash.

To substitute the dash in #4 above, the thought and the sentence – wouldn’t make sense. Or you could do it with the sentence preceding this one! Substitute the word “and” for the “dash” and it makes no sense.

Take a look at Step One. Do you see the word “and”? It isn’t there.

What we have is a “hyphen” -- a “dash”.

In our English language, when a hyphen is not used to break up a word, it is used to connect a thought or phrase.

Often, we refer to it as a “dash”.

A dash is the mark or sign (—) used to note an abrupt break or pause in a sentence or hesitation in an utterance, to begin and end a parenthetic word, phrase, or clause, to indicate the omission of letters or words, to divide a line, to substitute for certain uses of the colon, and to separate any of various elements of a sentence or series of sentences, as a question from its answer.


From American Heritage New Dictionary of Cultural Literacy, Third Edition - dash

A punctuation mark (—) used to indicate a sudden break in thought, to set off parenthetical material, or to take the place of such expressions as that is and namely: “He's running for reelection — if he lives until then”; “Very few people in this class — three, to be exact — have completed their projects”; “She joined the chorus for only one reason — she loves to sing.” In the last example, where the parenthetical material comes at the end of the sentence rather than in the middle, a colon could be used instead of the dash.

Step One: “We admitted we were powerless over alcohol – that our lives had become unmanageable.”

If I were to paraphrase Step One, as it is written, using the dash as a concluding thought, rather than an “and” -- I could say “I admitted that I am powerless over staying sober -- because I can not manage to leave alcohol entirely alone.” Or – “We admitted that we were powerless over alcohol – we could not manage to leave alcohol entirely alone.” The insanity of the first drink. The obsession that prevents us from leaving alcohol alone – while we are entirely sober!

This, then means – that “my life had become unmanageable” – regardless if I was drinking or sober – because I cannot manage to leave alcohol entirely alone. We know from the Doctor’s Opinion, and from our own experience – that it is not safe for us alcoholics to use alcohol in any form at all.

If it is unsafe for us to use alcohol in any form at all, and we cannot manage to leave alcohol entirely alone – we are powerless over drinking alcohol. Simple. Complete. No argument.

Those thoughts are more in line with our Big Book’s description of the alcoholic in Chapter Three More about alcoholism and in Chapter Four, We Agnostics.

For references see pages 30, 24, and 44 of the Big Book.

Dallas

[DebbieV]

I can not beleive I always put an 'and' in step one, either out loud or in my head. Let me say it this way ' I use to put an "and" in step one, and I will make sure not to ever again, either in my head or out loud. May have to jump my sponsors butt for not pointing that out to me.

Thank you Dallas, I have said it, heard it, and will say it again. We alcoholic make things way too complicated.

I would call that anothe 'well I'll be damned' moment.

[garden variety]

Well you know another thing in the exact words of that step that gets missed is "that our lives had become unmanageable".

I don't know if I can say this right, but I'll try. It seems that because of the way its worded with "had" being a past tense and "become" being present tense - that if I take the step the right way, things change even at the first step. My life "had become" unmanageable up until I took the first step, then it changed directions. But because I "conceded to my innermost self" if I take this step perfectly, then the unmanageability starts to go away because I start changing. Now I begin to care if my electric bill is late for example.

But I can't stop there because the 12 steps teach me how to manage my sobriety. There's that story in the book, I think its the last one that reminded me of you Dallas. My life will stay unmanageable until I "launch into action" with the steps. That's the difference between a "heavy drinker" and alcoholics like us. A "heavy drinker" stops drinking, his problems go away. An alcoholic stops drinking, his problems begin. I found out the definition of the term "stark raving sober" when I slowed down on actions and the steps.

I need this "design for living that really works" because I don't have one of my own. I know this program has a chance to work because it wasn't my idea - if it was my idea we'd all be in deep doo-doo. But the thing is, until I begin using a "working design" for living which is the 12 steps, whatever "design" I'm living by will not work. Which means my life will get more unmanageable. Then that's when I can say for sure "AND" my life becomes unmanageable even when I'm sober.

The other thing the books says "We had to find a power by which we could live, and it had to be a Power greater than ourselves." The only way I can find that power is through the first eleven steps which results in the spiritual awakening in step 12. That means that I now understand how to live my life keeping it in the framework of "spiritual principles" or "moral psychology". That's what was missing when I drank, and it stays missing when I stop drinking until I work the 12 steps to the best of my ability with no half measures. That's all a part of admitting "that our lives had become unmanageable."

I have to admit that living without God was just as big of a problem as being addicted to alcohol. That's why they drilled it into my head at first that "willingness" is the key to the first step. Unless I'm willing, then I can't be powerless. As long as I'm unwilling to accept that I can't quit drinking on my own, or as long as I'm unwilling to accept that I need a Higher Power, then I am still holding onto the power to run my own life into the ground. If I still have the power, then I'm not powerless. If I'm not powerless, then I can never do a perfect first step. And I strongly believe that if anyone goes back out and drinks, the problem is there in the first step and unwillingness to "concede".

[DebbieV]

[musicmode]

STEP 1 - We admitted we were powerless over alcohol --- that our lives had become unmanageable.

My name is Anne, I'm an alcoholic.

I have heard the AND, and quite likely have said it too...you hear something often enough, one begins to repeat it without really being aware. This, has confused me. I have been told, and I have heard...that Step 1 is a 2-part step...which...confused me I even heard one time, where there were a small group of people (2 or 3?) were discussing another alcoholic, who was absent from this particular discussion. What they were saying was: we know that he's come to grips in accepting that he's an alcoholic, but he's never quite grasped the concept of unmanageability--he's got the "1st part" of step 1, but not the "2nd part". This struck an off chord with me because...well...I don't know, it confused me. I'd heard it before around the tables, and by well meaning sponsors, and there was "something" I wasn't getting. I'd read it, then I'd listen...and somehow, the translation (with me) was getting lost in the transmission, though I didn't know how, or know enough to even ask.

For me, I wonder if it's as simple as our my introduction: My name is Anne, I'm an alcoholic.

Admit...to myself...sounding it down...and maybe (at first) not liking very much that this was ringing truth within me--whether I liked it or not. Am I willing to admit that I am powerless over alcohol---that my life had become unmanageable. When I "looked back" at the wake of destruction; when I looked in the mirror at all of those lovely shades of jaundice and gang-green; when there was no other way to slice the facts into excuses, cuz I'd run out of them, and I'd run out of energy to hold up all of those excuses...it became as obvious to me as the sunrise itself--I understood...I am powerless over alcohol, if I know nothing else about myself--that much I know...and that was enough at first. I was willing to admit it, and it was a relief to do so. ---that my life had become unmanageable? There was/is no contest there, either. It was the unmanageability that I could no longer deal with, I'd painted myself into a corner...and deep down--I knew. I knew what the problem really was. It was alcohol, and I couldn't leave it alone.

What I've had to learn to accept, was...that no matter what happens in a day, good or bad...the ONLY thing I really, really want--is a drink. I don't take action on that thought, and now it's been long enough where I don't want to lose everything that I have gained as a result of sobriety. I don't desire to drink, what's been removed is the ability to pick it up--and...the ONLY thing keeping me from doing that is God as I understand Him. No human power could relieve me, no human power can relieve me. I've tried for years to "just never touch it again." All the wishing it away, and my own will power could not keep me from drinking. My sobriety (to me/for me), is precious and sacred, I cherish it, and I am willing to go to any lengths to keep it. Do I get it right and perfect? Nooo . But, I want to be sober wa-aay more than I want that drink. But, to be perfectly and completely honest with myself...the thing I want the most, everyday--no matter what, is a drink. Because of that, the willingness I have--to hand my will and life over, and stay in close conscious contact with God as I understand Him, is paramount, because He is the only thing keeping me from actually grasping that drink--literally. I can say that, I have reached for it, and my hand is literally moved away...I could not have a drink even if I wanted to. That kind of strength does not come from me, or from within...it comes from--FIRST--admitting that I am powerless over alcohol--- (remembering)--that my life had become unmanageable...and remembering...my last drunk. .

Keep it simple,
Anne

[HollyR]

step 1- we admitted we are powerless over alcohol and that our lives have become unmanageable.-

powerless- by definition "without power"

i have absolutly zero power over alcohol.

the unmanagibility. everything in my world seems to relvolve around "the getting and using and finding ways and means to get more..we lived to use and used to live"
taht is a quote from another 12 step program.

but.. i love the way it works with me and my alcoholism. my life literally relvoved around alochol. and what my boss and mentor would say

"NORMAL PEOPLE DONT DO THAT"

so here is my senerio*question on spelling*

i would go out and have a glass of wine with a nonalcoholic friend.
about 5-10 min. later my glass was gone and was ordering another.
she on the other hand had only finished a couple sips. the fact that i even noticed the fact that i had drinken more than her and was worried about her reaction to me ordering another.."NORMAL PEOPLE DONT CARE"

humm i dunno that is just me n something i went threw..i dont really know if anyone else went through anything similar.

[anniemac]

I've never noticed if people say "and" instead of the pause (dash) -- I'll keep my ears opened for that.

What I do notice, is during the Preamble, that folks say "..that they may solve their common problems..." (plural), The only common problem (singular) that we have is alcoholism.

In my opinion, the pluralization of "problem" lends to the "group therapy" mindset within AA meetings - that we're there as a self-help support group to discuss our problems. When the preamble is read as written it's clear that we are there to discuss our alcoholism.

[leejosepho]

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Greetings to all ... and where better to make one’s first post than at Step One, eh?! And, please know I am not being contentious or argumentative here - I simply share what I have learned through the study of our book and my practice of the common-to-all experience so freely given in it. My sobriety date is 10/22/82, and I have been a student of our book for a year more than that.
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Step One is certainly *not* a two-part Step, yet there nevertheless *are* two interrelated, complete-sentence thoughts within it:

"We were powerless over alcohol - our lives had become unmanageable."

To begin here, we can read this from the Foreword to "Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions", a book that "proposes to broaden and deepen the understanding of the Twelve Steps as first written in the earlier work" (also in Foreword):

Our Basic Text "finally reached the public in April, 1939," and in it "the spiritual ideas of [our] society were *codified* for the first time in the Twelve Steps, and the application of these steps to the alcoholic's dilemma was made clear."

"Spiritual ideas ... codified ... in the Twelve Steps."

===
Codified: Reduced to a code. (Merriam-Webster)
===

So, what do we have in front of us when we open our Basic Text?

1) Spiritual ideas codified in the Twelve Steps (page 59) in a way never before seen by many of the first 100;
2) Application of those codifications elsewhere made clear (in the remaining text).

Summarizing everything so far:

The Twelve Steps, including Step One as we can quote it, need to be decoded if we are to "clearly see the application of the spiritual ideas of our society to the alcoholic's dilemma", and we can do that by seeing details in the remaining content of our book. After all, we do not take any other Step "off-the-wall", do we?!

Here again is the Step One codification we can all so readily quote:

"We admitted we were powerless over alcohol - that our lives had become unmanageable."

===
Decode: to convert into intelligible form; to recognize and interpret;
decipher; to discover the underlying meaning. (Merriam-Webster)
===

And now, let us begin to "decode" Step One by looking elsewhere in our book:

"(a) We were alcoholic and could not manage our own lives." (page 60)

And now looking for more detail:

"We learned that we had to fully concede to our innermost selves that we were alcoholics. This is the first step in recovery. The delusion that we are like other people, or presently may be, has to be smashed." (page 30)

"We could wish ... we could wish ... we could will ... but the needed power wasn't there. Our human resources ... failed utterly.
"Lack of power, that was our dilemma. We had to find a power by which we could live ..." (page 45)

And let us now re-combine all of the above into a paraphrased version of the codified format of Step One as we all well know it:

"We learned we had to fully concede to our innermost selves that we were alcoholics - that we had to find a power by which we could live."

(begin edit)

There is still more to be considered here, Dallas, but for now here is how I would make my own paraphrase of Step One:

"I admitted powerlessness over staying sober - I cannot manage my own life sufficiently to empower me to leave alcohol entirely alone."

Or more inclusively: "We admitted we were powerless over alcohol - we could not manage our lives in ways that would empower us to leave alcohol entirely alone."

And to help defend the thought of Step One not having two parts:

"... our problems were of our own making. Bottles were only a symbol." (page 103)

[ROBERT]

when I was ready to quit, REALLY ready,(I conceded) hyphen, no hyphen, yada-yada I wasn't looking for ways to complicate things ANY MORE--thank you very much

[Dallas]

I recognize some of those words in the quote attributed to me... it's got my name on it... but, I don't recognize the words with the little brackets around them... and using the words empowered...

Did I write that somewhere???

If not... it's best not to use the "Quotes" feature... and "add to it."

The quotes feature is to precisely quote what another person wrote... without adding to it inside the quote... Or else, it's coded quote hijacking!

We've had that happen here on the forum where one member will attribute a quote to something someone wrote... and then they add their words inside it... so the quote should not be:

Dallas wrote...

but... "the new poster is writting"......

Welcome to the forum... but, not quote me and then mess with the quote by adding to it or taking away from it... and then, put my name on it!

Dallas

[leejosepho]

[leejosepho]

[leejosepho]

Without insisting anyone must agree, here is what I today believe Step One is all about:

"We admitted we were alcoholic (page 30) - that we were powerless (page 45) to do anything about that because we could not manage our own lives (page 60) into freedom from alcohol (page 85)."

With the latter sentence above simply expanding upon the other, such an overall statement only describes a single state of being: Powerlessness.

We cannot control our drinking once we begin;
(allergy drives us on)
We cannot remain abstinent after we stop;
(obsession, insanity and/or strange mental blank spots drive us back)
On our own, we are powerless to do anything about any of the above.

So, and finally in a moment of honesty:

"1. We admitted we were powerless over alcohol - that our lives had become unmanageable."

[Dallas]

Thanks leejosepho... I appreciate the edit.

"Gee, look Ma! I've met another one like me!!!"

Where I screwed up on my understanding about Step 1... on my first trial run to land on AA Planet Sobriety... was... "I thought that powerless over alcohol only applied after I had the next drink...

It was logical to me that, yes... I could get drunk and lose control "after I started drinking"... but it wasn't logical that "something inside could force me to pick up the next first drink... after I was sober, and had been sober for a while!"

That's why I thought I didn't need to be concerned with the Steps and all that stuff... "just don't drink the first drink."

And, at 5 1/2 months sober, with no thought of "having the next first drink"... and having real heavy duty thinking of "don't drink!" ... without being aware of it... I started drinking again. And, I drank for almost two weeks... walking around drinking down in Mexico... telling everyone that I was a sober member of AA... and that I didn't drink!

I wasn't in denial... I was in a state of being that Dr. Silkworth, wrote about for the Dr.'s Opinion... "I couldn't differentiate between the true and the false"...... before OR after the next first drink!

Of course, I didn't understand any of this until after I had been sober a while on my next go round with AA. And, I didn't learn about it in meetings... because they weren't talking about it in the meetings that I was attending. (It's always a good idea to try out different meetings... you may find out that the meetings you've been attending... are carrying a different message! ).

If the problem centers in the mind... it centers in the mind regardless if I'm drinking or if I'm sober. When I'm sober... the problem is like a tiger inside my head... that's taking a nap.... and when the tiger moves around in my head... it wakes up the tiger in my gut... and when one or both of them are moving around... I'm on dangerous ground!

So, that's what I figured out about Step 1, that I wasn't hearing or understanding... "I'm powerless over alcohol WHEN IM SOBER!"

It makes no difference to be powerless over alcohol after I've started drinking... I'll drink and drink and drink and drink. So, why admit to something I already knew? That would be no big deal, to admit to something that I already knew.

The thing that makes the concept of powerless so powerfull... is the understanding I had, when it clicked in my head... and I could clearly see that, the real problem for me is.... I'm powerless WHILE SOBER!

Dallas

[gunner48]

Hi Ya'll
Step one.
Powerless over alcohol-that our lives had become unmanageable. I can only use my own experience to understand this.
I use to get off work and call home to let my wife know I was going to stop in for a QUICK drink before going home. With every thing in me that was my intention. No thought of having 2. Problem was that Once I had the first drink I had no control of what was to happen next. I did not want to have more but being of a alcoholic mind I had lost the ability at times to just go home. That was my unmanageabilty concerning the next drink. All the will power and good intentions I could muster couldn't override the mental twist of having just one more. I knew it was wrong, I didn't want to stay and drink but I did. On page 39 it talks of the actual or potential alcoholic will be absolutely unable to stop drinking on the basis of self knowledge.
I have always done well with money, job, home and auto. Never been without so there were things I managed OK. Problems things aren't what we are talking about in step one. I am only talking about my inability to stop drinking based on what I know would be best for me. I'm alcoholic and still today if I take that first drink I can not tell you what I will do next. Therefore My life is still unmanageable with regards to the first drink.
PEACE AND LOVE