THE PSYCHIATRIC HOTLINE:
Hello, welcome to the psychiatric hotline.
If you are obsessive-compulsive,
please press 1 repeatedly.
If you are co-dependent,
please ask someone else to press 2.
If you have multiple personalities,
please press 3, 4, 5 and 6.
If you are paranoid-delusional,
we know who you are and what you want.
Just stay on the line so we can trace your call.
If you are schizophrenic,
listen carefully and a little voice
will tell you which number to press.
If you are manic-depressive,
it doesn't matter which number you press.
No one will answer.