I haven't forgotten to answer the question above. People places and things in my life are moving on at around 200 mph --- and I'm still cuising along in the slow lane. Meaning: I'm okay, but, my daily responsibilities have been many over the last few days, and the answer to your question takes more than a bit of effort to write it down, and have it make sense, rather than "speak" about it. So, I'll have to come back to it later.
After reading your last message -- maybe I could be more help to you in that area by sharing some real live experience, rather than spending the time on the question that gets into theory of "how it works".
If I'm reading your message as you intended it: I understand and relate to you big time. Been there, done that, bought the T-shirt, and went to coffee afterwards!
Relationships were a big problem -- and, they still would be and can be, when I listen to my heart rather than my head. And, my head can contribute to the problem with the heart.
My heart is too sensitive. That's my emotional side. I'm overly-sensitive. When it comes to any kind of feeling -- it's like the volume can get turned up so high that it can make me do stuff that's not very intelligent. I've got to "continue to watch" that and I use inventories, (the 4th Step principles) and talking with others (the 5th Step principles), to keep it in check, (the 10th Step principles).
My head can add to the problem -- because it will say things to me like: "Well! It sure looks like God's will to me! Yada yada yada yada yada."
So, my heart can be craving for a particular kind of feeling, that in the past has already shown me -- that it can be dangerous for me -- and, my head will kick in with a perception of "well, this time it will be different. This really is different this time and God does want you to be happy.... joyous... free... and... and... and... and..."
So then, my head opens the door for my heart to take a little nip -- maybe just a half-jigger of something that "feels like love to me!"
And, after the half-jigger "something that feels like love" -- the phenomenon of craving kicks in, and suddenly, my heart is craving for a half-pint of love!!!
Notice, that it started out with a thought.
1. The desire for relationships and companionships.
Behind it all, I was feeling lonely. I desired companionship.
2, And, those are normal and maybe God-given experiences based upon our "herding" instincts to help us safely survive and prosper in life. So, that leaves the door open for my head to kick in "Well God made us like this...."
3. The feeling felt good -- when my eyes accidently glanced up to see her -- and something deep inside me said... "This could be God's will for me!"
4. So the next time she headed for the coffee pot -- I made a dash to the pot to top off my cup -- and said "Hi! My name is Dallas! Did you notice these cookies! Have you tried one? They're great. Do you like cookies?"
5. When she said she loved cookies and coffee... I just knew that God must have something to do with this... because God knows how much I love cookies and coffee... and, geezzzz, this girl is pretty! And, I know that God has been preparing that "special someone for me" since long before He created dirt!!!!
Get the picture?
6. So I decide to be careful -- because of my past experiences, and I don't jump right in and say "Hey! Since you like to eat... I know a great restaurant... want to go to the Red Lobster for dinner tomorrow night before the meeting?"
No... I don't do that! I use my head... and wait until I've talked to her at the coffee pot for at least six more times -- and discover that "this girl really does like cookies! She's not trying to trick me, my heart isn't trying to trick me... this is the REAL DEAL!!! She has been honest with me (that's a first!) she really does like cookies and coffee! And, she's so cute... and when she smiles at me, I feel like I'm lighting up like a Christmas tree!!! I hear music -- love songs and ballads start playing in my head....
And, then........ I ask her out to the Red Lobster!
7. When we get to dinner -- she's just perfect!
This really is God's will for me! ....... So, I take it to the "advanced planning stages" of my head -- and my head says something like "Yes, the two of you really do make a charming couple! This is wonderful! Did you notice the kind of glazy look in her eyes? I'm sure she couldn't possibly be on anything -- it must be the love that she's beginning to feel when she looks at me, too!
8. Head contributes to the problem.
So, I decide to take it easy and "think about it" ... I remember that glassy look in her eyes at dinner, and since I know "she couldn't be on anything"... it must be love!"
So, now my head is fueling my heart, and my heart is fueling my head... and, as we walk to the car to say good night, she reaches for my hand! Uh-oh! I'm in trouble now!!!!!
Now... my heart and head and my physical sensations are working towards building this "Volcano of Love" ... and the smoke is so beautiful that I can't see that I'll soon be covered in ashes!
Besides, who cares? Yes... I may burn a little... but, I'm willing to do anything to live God's will in my life -- and I'm sure that she is it!!! So, even if I get all burned up -- I did it for Him! And, for her! Because she really does need me. What would happen to that poor pretty vulnerable little girl... if I wasn't here to protect her!
Am I off track here? Or, am I in the right park?