Great to meet all of you that I haven't talked to before, Linda, Jim, Drew and all the rest and great to hear from those I have been talking to!
My name is Cathy, and I'm an alcoholic.
Since this is the 'introductions forum' I guess I have to share a little about me, so here it goes....A year ago I was forced into this program by a short-sighted judge who simply didn't understand that AA couldn't help someone like me.
I've been in the program a year now, but I haven't been sober that long. I just got to 10 months last week.
You hear some people say that they knew that they were not alcoholic. And you hear some say they weren't sure. I already knew I was alcoholic and had known for years and years. Shoot, I'd been drinking and/or drugging for 22+ years. I had stopped the drugging years back(well, mostly), but the drinking had escalated to a point that, for the last few years, I didn't get things like hangovers....simply because I was never was sober. I had long since given up on recovery, God, other people, or help in general. I did have a "plan" and "a design for living" though...... And that "plan" or "design for living" was working on being a "functioning" alcoholic!
Let's see....that's "what it was like". Now "what happened".....
This year has sucked. A lot. But not all of the time.
I have lost as many jobs sober in the past year as I ever did drunk! I've been beaten up, lost bank accounts, had to borrow money(very hard for me to do), am still deeply in debt, have been estranged from people I considered friends, have been gossiped about, have had to avoid visiting my own family, ask virtual strangers for help, learn to "feel" again, etc. All of that and a bunch more....and I had to quit drinking, too!! And find a Higher Power(wayyyyy harder for me to do than borrow money)!!
Man, it's been a rough ten months.
I guess that takes me to "what it's like now"
I'm still sober. I have friends that I don't need to be estranged from. Heck, I can tolerate the old ones now, too. I'm still deeply in debt, but since I now have one of the best paying jobs I've had in years, every once in a while, I am able to help someone else out. I have crazy things like health insurance, car insurance, a driver's license. I'm not in jail or detox!!! I've learned to ask for help and as a result am sometimes able to give it back. And I've realized that it's kind of okay to "feel" again. And that just because I didn't remember a lot of "feeling" for the past couple of decades didn't mean I wasn't feeling....it just meant I was doing all I knew to do to quit caring about it. And as for the the gossip part, I'm trying to work on getting better at sharing than recieving!!!
(just kidding!!!)Oh yeah....and I don't puke when I say(or type!) the word 'God' these days. I do crazy things like pray and meditate. And crazier still, I mean it when I do it!!!! I do silly stuff like follow direction and listen to my sponsor. A year ago, you'd have not convinced me such things were even possible, let alone possibly work.
Anyhoo....that's my story in a nutshell. (yeah, yeah.....a really big nutshell
).Did I say "a little about me" at the beginning of this thing???
Anyhoo.....Thanks for letting me share.Take Care All,
Cathy
Thank you for telling your story..RUFF STUFF..but your still Clean and Sober..that's a miracle..I just had 5 months (and I've been around the rooms for a long time..I did have 5 yrs. at one time) but that doesn't mater because all I have is today..and for that I'm grateful. When I was out there drinking (before I found the rooms)..I didn't have a clue I was an alcoholic. I thought that what I was doing was normal (because I had done it since I was 14..) It seemed natural and normal..Until things got really out of hand. That's when I found out that "Denial" wasn't a river in Egypt 