- Irratible and Discontent

Irratible and Discontent




Topics related to AA Meetings - and alcohol addiction recovery

Irratible and Discontent

Postby Angel » Fri Oct 07, 2005 6:12 pm

Hi everyone..My name is Angel and I am an Alcoholic/Addict..My topic today is irritable and discontent. The reason I chose that topic, is because that's what I'm feeling these day. My son lives with us he's 28 and suffers from Mental Illness..He's been diagnosed with O.C.D., Bipolar disorder, and Paranoid Schizophrenia, So, needless to say it's kind of hard having him around..He really is a good kid and he can't help his behavior..yet at times it can be annoying. Lately it seems he's been getting on my nerves more frequently and I try so hard not to blow up..but since I've been in this irritable state, I have been a lot more short with him..The other day I yelled at him and felt terrible about it later. Now today, I asked him to help me with something..(My son has trouble doing even the smallests of task) I became so frusated because he wasn't doing it right..I said to him In a raised voice.."Justin get a brain" He became angry with me and he told me that I hurt his feeling..feeling like a shmuk again..I did apolizied..and I think he forgave me..but those kind of things really don't help him..It just makes him worst. So, my problem is..Why?? Why do I feel this irritabilty and discontentment?? Not enough prayer..Probaly. Not enough meetings..Definitely. So, I know the problem, but now I need to work on the solution..I will welcome any feed back!! Thanks...Angel..lots of Huggies 8)
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Postby ATL-Male » Fri Oct 07, 2005 11:02 pm

Wow. Sounds like a really tough situation. Most of the time when I talk with folk about problems they are going through that make them short tempered or irritable. I will tell them about prayer and/or helping others to get them out of their heads and focusing on something else.

In this situation, while prayer certainly wouldn't hurt and always seems to help in the long run, it sounds like you need something a little more immediate. Sounds to me like you need a helping hand yourself. Or at least a change of scenery [read:vacation].

First and foremost, do not drink [I think I read in another thread where you said you have been relapsing more often lately]. Drinking will only make things worse even though you probably won't remember what you did in the morning.

Do you have a significant other in your life? Or perhaps there are family members that can help out and give you some time to pamper yourself a bit? Sometimes a little time to recharge our batteries is all we need.

In recovery we need to be selfish and put our sobriety first. That means even making our loved ones a secondary priority. Otherwise, what use will we be to anyone if we relapse yet again?

I think the key for you will be to get some significant time away from thinking about your situation and how it might be adverse to you and your emotional well-being.

If its feasible, just get out and go catch a movie. Don't think about it, just do it. Let the movie take you out of your thoughts for a while. Then maybe catch a meeting before you come home and talk to a few other people trying to recover. Maybe you'll find someone in a similar situation or worse that will allow you to gain some perspective.
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Postby Rusty Zipper » Fri Oct 07, 2005 11:55 pm

hi there Angel! sorry you no feel'y. that A-M fella has a good point. have to think of yourself first. you can go on a vacation, get some outside help, you can have hubby pitch in. you can go to a movie.you can drink, or drug over it. you can even sit on the couch watching Oprah, and eat some Bon-Bon's lol! sorry, just had too. so what will ever change? nothing. yet once more. powerless!... Angel, i've know you for awhile. you know i think the world of you. only you best intrests are at heart. yet again, its about change. alky's do not like change fot the most part. you, and i both know that. the spiritual change that is required to not drink forever that the BB talks about. only comes by spiritual growth. shure your feeling the things your feeling. slowly, and i do mean very slowly. sit down with your boy, you will find things that he does that are dear to you. observe them, remember them. give to him, yes even more. but in the spiritual way. when he does things to piss you off, raise angst, aggitate you. "STOP" take a look at the whole picture. pretend you our outside of yourself. watch where your feelings go. observe. and yes even pray. just by doing, yup! action! as you keep doing this no matter how hadr it might seem at first. you might even cry from all the confusion. as time goes on. al these negatives, will start to turn into possitives. trust me. no! dont trust me. trust The Power That Be.. remember if we realy seek it. it will come. all my love, and good wishes to you Angel. i'll try to always be here for you. as you are for me. it's called, freely giving! ... your PC
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Hi

Postby 918gma » Sat Oct 08, 2005 12:27 am

I have a handicapped Daughter that is 25 years old. She has water on the brain. She is physically mentally and emotionally delayed. Yes I understand irritable and discontent and guilt. Guilt and fear are the main problems, at least with me. My level of frustration is in direct accordance with her mood. That was the first cycle I had to break. There were behavioral issues and still are. I can tell you that since I got sober and started working my steps, and really looking at the problems I was dealing with, Kay got better.

What I had to do, and it was one of the most difficult things I've done since I got sober was to turn her over entirerly to my higher power. I know I am still her care giver, but God is running the show these days not me. The way it's working that that my higher power is giving me the answers that I need. Slowly at first because I kept getting in he way but it gets better and better all the time.

I've completly changes the way I talk to her. I've changed my thinking. I've done a lot of work on acceptance. Thats a biggie. I have also gone the extra mile and learned more about her handicapped which helped with both understanding and acceptance.

It's difficult, but there is hope. I would be gratful to share more with you if you think this has helped you any. You can reach me through the forum. I go by 198gma or (crazy Grandma)

Remember first and formost, you are not alone. :roll: :roll: :roll: :D :D :D
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Postby Dallas » Sat Oct 08, 2005 1:30 am

Hey Angel,

Carefully read what Rusty posted. He's 100% right on.

Dr.'s Opinion Page 26-27 (Big Book)

"Men and women drink essentially because they like the effect produced by alcohol. The sensation is so elusive that, while they admit it is injurious, they cannot after a time differentiate the true from the false. To them, their alcoholic life seems the only normal one. .... They are restless, irritable and discontented,.... unless they can again experience the sense of ease and comfort which comes at once by taking a few drinks—drinks which they see others taking with impunity. After they have succumbed to the desire again, as so many do, and the phenomenon of craving develops, they pass through the well-known stages of a spree, emerging remorseful, with a firm resolution not to drink again. This is repeated over and over, and unless this person can experience an entire psychic change there is very little hope of his recovery."

How do we get the "entire psychic change"? The "Spiritual Experience"? We get it through the 12 Steps. (Appendix IV Spiritual Experience, in the back of the Big Book).

This is why AA meetings, movies, hugs, vacations, moving, a new spouse, a new job, more money, less money, better food, less food, or whatever our "easier softer way" is for the day... it isn't enough.

It doesn't mean those things are not good... or necessary... go to all the AA meetings that you can go to... the 12 Steps are what spells "RELIEF"... the 12 Steps are mandatory... for continued sobriety. That's the solution. Relapse is automatic ... without the solution.

Take care,

Dallas
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Postby Rusty Zipper » Sat Oct 08, 2005 1:48 am

plop-plop-fiz-fiz!............oh what a relief, The Power Iz! ...... my 3- cents
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Thanks Everyone

Postby Angel » Sat Oct 08, 2005 2:09 am

I want to thank everyone for their replies..This really is a great site.. :) Lots of recovery, which is what I need right now. LOTS!!! :shock: My answer to ALT male question is that I do have a husband and he is very supportive..as a matter of fact we just went away for a few days recently..I'm not working right now, so I'm home a lot with my son..and my house is quite small..and my son can be very needy..I do try to get out and away as much as possible. As a matter of fact, I'm planning a trip to Conn. (where I'm originally from) to see my daughter & my brother and my new niece and nephew..I'm looking very forward to it. I'll be going alone..No Hubby, No Son, No Dog, No housework, just plain ol' fun with the girls. I know it probably sounds like I hate my Husband, son and dog..and that's very far from the truth, but as you said sometimes I just need to get away. By the way I do read and play on the computer a lot I write poetry and do graphic design, and make floral arrangements, ie: baskets,wreaths etc. so, I do have many outlets. I'm not thinking about drinking (which is new for me) actually I was just venting..The rest of the day went fine.. 8) And of course my good friend Rusty..thank you again for your kind words..Your right. I do love my son very much, but sometimes it can be overwhelming. And you know about my physical problems as well as some physcological problems and the fact I don't work..all factors against me, but I do try to have gratitude for the fact that My H.P. has given me a second chance at life without that I wouldn't be doing any of this..Thanks Again buddy for setting me straight. Dallas thank you for the quotes from the B.B. What more can I say RIGHT ON!! :wink: Pls. don't tell Rusty he's 100% right .. his heads big enough already..(sorry buddy couldn't resist) lol :lol: Thanks God Bless You All!! Angel :P
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Postby JR » Tue Nov 01, 2005 1:05 pm

I've been feeling irritable for about 24 hours. I read through these posts and realized that I don't have any problems. I have no crisis and no worries of any kind. And yet I still have these annoying days. Also, a little whine here, it isn't fair to have a day like this and be pms'ing on top of it. I do need to watch Oprah and eat bon bons, except I have a resentment against Oprah.

I've worked 24 hours in the last 40 hours, which I do once a week, but sometimes it just gets to me and I am worn out. HALT - don't get to hungry, angry, lonely or tired. So, I'll be heading home in about 30 minutes and plan on getting some rest.

One of the guys that I work with has a handicapped wife. She had a stroke and has to have full time care. He is always cheerful. He grows orchids and brings a pot in full bloom to our office every so often. This morning I walked past a new display he brought in this morning. Spectacular. It put me in a better mood right away to realize that this man has a difficult life and yet he brings something beautiful to share.

Gma, Angel - you guys have a lot of stuff going on. I don't know how you do it unless you're sticking close to the program and relying on HP. You are both in my prayers.

Thanks for 12th stepping me this morning, all of you, even though these posts are old they sure helped me to get out of myself.

Love you guys,

JR
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Jr

Postby 918gma » Tue Nov 01, 2005 2:22 pm

My higher power will never give me any thing that I can't handle without his help. I say this not just for you, but because I forget it all the time. I happen to be dealing with it right now. I have made all this progress with Kay on behavior issues, and all of a sudden bam, I'm right back where I started. I turn it over to my Hp power get on line and find you asking me how I do it.
Well I'll tell you how I do it. I don't I have to keep it in his hands and do it his way, or it doesn't work. The second I loose faith or get irritable, or into self will, every thing falls apart, not just for one person, but for two.
The man at your work with the wife and the beautiful flowers has it down to an art form. There is always things that have to be done. We can do them with a good attitude, or a bad one. We can add things to our day that make life easier, or fight through it tooth and claw. Seeing the smile on your face when you see his flowers is like a two hour power nap for him. It's an energy source, and he uses it wisely. Is it easy, do I do it all the time. Hell no. It takes practice. It takes wonderful people in your life that ask you just the right question at just the right time. It takes us working together to build a better society of alcoholics in recovery. Thank you for put me back in check.
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