Tonight, after my regular meeting, where I talked on the 3rd Step, I had a strong urge to go check on my little sister. I had been calling her all day with no answer. We've been hanging out a lot together lately. She's been having some real tough spots in her life, with her health, depression, a failing business that she's been trying to get started, and having set backs because of her health, and then a fresh heart-break to top it off. And, I've been trying to be the good big brother, that A.A. has helped me to become.
To make a long story short -- I called my nephew, her son, and he called the police, and we kicked the door open to do a welfare check on her.
Her son was the first to see her and check her vital signs. She was laying face down as if she had fallen out of her computer chair, and I heard him scream out "She's gone."
My little sister, Carolyn, has always been the closest family member to me. We grew up in a lot of crazy stuff. She had a hard life and had more than an average share of heart-breaks and sadness.
It was Carolyn, that I could always depend on, when my life went south, when I had problems, divorces, business failures, passing out on her floor or sofa, trying to sober up, back in the worst days of my drinking.
Lately, she's been continually telling me, "I never knew that you were as bad off as you were when you were still drinking." And, she has told me of how proud that she has been of me for what I've become. And, how grateful she was to A.A., for all that it has done for me, to help me be the person that I am today.
I miss you Carolyn, and you know how much I love you! Thank you for all that you have done and been for me. I'll take care of your dog. And, I'll look out for your son and grandson, and the grandchild that is on the way. Thank you for sharing your life with me. You will always be with me in my heart and thoughts.
Thank you A.A. for all that you have done for me. Without you, I wouldn't be here to thank you. And, thank you A.A., because I know that you will be with me, in the days to come.
Thank you God, for my sister, Carolyn, and for the life we were able to share and the love that we've known with each other.
Thank you, God, for A.A. Without you and your gift of A.A. to me, I wouldn't have had the opportunity to be sober, or to even be alive today, so that I could help my sister in her last days, trying to pass on to her, the tools and principles for a wonderful life, that you allowed to be passed on to me, through A.A.
During the next few days, because of all that I've gained in A.A., I will be able to help family members to go through their sadness and pain. I will be able to be useful to others. I can do it sober and equipped, because of A.A.
We never know when our last breath will be taken, nor when our last moment will expire. Life is short. If you love someone -- be sure to tell them now because you may not have the opportunity to tell them later. If you care for someone, care for them now, and show them now. You may not have that opportunity to do it later. If you are an alcoholic -- and you are sober -- now is all that we know that we have. If you are an alcoholic and you are suffering, whether drinking or sober -- we have tools in A.A., that can get you through it.
At the end of my sharing at the meeting tonight, I closed with these comments from page 133, of the Big Book:
"We are sure God wants us to be happy, joyous, and free. We cannot subscribe to the belief that this life is a vale of tears, though it once was
just that for many of us. But it is clear that we made our own misery. God didnâ€™t do it. Avoid then, the deliberate manufacture of misery, but if trouble comes, cheerfully capitalize it as an opportunity to demonstrate His omnipotence."
My thoughts and love and caring -- I give back to you all.
Thank you, A.A., the Fellowship and the Principles, and God, for all that you have given to me, so that I have something goog that I can give unto others.