- Step 4 - listing Resentments

Step 4 - listing Resentments

12 Steps: Discussions related to the 12 Steps and using them as a treatment to recover from alcohol and drug addiction.

Postby littlemiss » Mon Mar 03, 2008 3:19 pm

I'm beginning my 4th Step...will be meeting my sponsor tonight as a start. She very much says to do a 4th step as the big book lays out...she says we tend to overcomplicate things w/ other charts/new columns, etc. Someone in a meeting gave me a Hazeldon Step 4 booklet that actually SEEMS helpful...not sure if this is a good idea or NOT...it has shame/remorse/guilt columns...?????
Is that adding to...& unnecesssary?
So. Anyway, I'm trying to think about some of my resentments...and I also wasn't sure if they are supposed to be things that I once was upset about or things currently. For example, if I had a resent./misunderstanding that I already settled 7 years ago, do I put that down now anyway? I'm still a bit unclear here...

Thanks, Ann Marie
Posts: 101
Joined: Mon Sep 24, 2007 9:34 am
Location: S. Calif.

Postby GeoffS » Tue Mar 04, 2008 12:01 am

Hi Annie

Over complicating anything to do with recovery i never a great idea. if you're the type of alcoholic described in the big book, like me, you'll need things kept simple...

Stick to what is written in the big book, just the black and white bits, not the interpreted bits that you'll hear from many other well meaning members.

Remember the directions in the big book are written as they are for a reason...they work just as they are.

well done getting this far, it gets even better.
Posts: 365
Joined: Tue Nov 13, 2007 7:55 pm
Location: Australia

Postby littlemiss » Tue Mar 04, 2008 9:24 pm

Too funny!
Some How...last night I ended up w/ my sponsor giving me Dallas B's 4th Step forms she had downloaded for me the day before--Blah-ha-ha-ha! Serendipity Anyone?

She didn't even know I'd even been on this site...Don'
t ask me how she heard about the forms... :wink:

Posts: 101
Joined: Mon Sep 24, 2007 9:34 am
Location: S. Calif.

Postby littlemiss » Tue Mar 04, 2008 9:30 pm

And I just REALLY realized last night that SOLICITORS are one of my HUGE RESENTMENTS... :oops: :P My sponsor & I were talking about the THINGS one can resent... :roll:

So, I have some reading to do...and I'm looking forward to doing my 4th Step...

p.s. - We ended up NOT doing that Step Study meeting w/ a group for a couple of reasons...mostly, because the timing/schedule/pressure just wasn't right--espec. since my sponsor has unexpectedly had to go out of town a lot on that day....But we're ON TRACK & my sponsor is amazing! I'm so grateful for God putting us together! 8)
Posts: 101
Joined: Mon Sep 24, 2007 9:34 am
Location: S. Calif.

Re: Blocked

Postby GeoffS » Wed Mar 05, 2008 8:13 pm

Hi Dee, sounds like a 4th Step is really going to help you.

A few things:

1. forget the old 4th step, its gone, if some of the things from that are still relevant today, then put them in.
2. chronological order is not important, completing the columns as columns is, don't be tempted to work sideways, always downwards!
3. Its about stock in trade what resentments/fears/sex harms still bug you TODAY. If little Johnny wouldn't kiss you in 9th grade, who cares!
4. Keep it simple, don't write your lifes story and a 10 page essay for each item in inventory. Stick to the points mentioned in the Big Book.
5. Do not be frightened, a while of discomfort to do this is worth a lifetimes freedom
6. Be thorough, how free do you want to be?
7. You mention resentments on your dead husband, they are relevant, and should be included. You don't however confront anyone here! You look for your part in it, your sponsor will help.

Sounds like you have a lot to work with on his son/wife.

quick example on them, you resent them for not helping. Isn't the fact that they didn't do that their business. Maybe they couldn't deal emotionally, maybe acting mean was their way to deal with it. How do you know? maybe seeing your husband dieing was making them spiritually sick. Could expecting them to behave how you think they should be a little dishonest or inconsiderate of their feelings? Were you protecting your self esteem by painting them as the bad guys to hide your fears? Who says how things shoulg be done, you or GOD? Their role in the resentment is of no importance to your inventory. The son begging for a relationship, his issue, don't take his inventory, that is playing god.

Enough from me, I know nothing, but there are more ways than one to play a part in a resentment!

There's no magic get started thing, you just have to ask yourself how bad you want whats on the other side of doing the step, and if you are willing to go to any lengths for sobriety.

Just remember it feels great to get through steps 4 and 5 if you do them carefully and thoroughly, I've never met anyone who regretted doing them well!!

I wish you lots of success and welness, hope you get through it, and thanks for helping me by letting me share.
Posts: 365
Joined: Tue Nov 13, 2007 7:55 pm
Location: Australia


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12 Step Alcohol and Drug Addiction Recovery | - Step 4 - listing Resentments