- Dealing with Your Marriage Relationship in Recovery...

Dealing with Your Marriage Relationship in Recovery...




A discussion of topics related to relationships in recovery and treatment

Dealing with Your Marriage Relationship in Recovery...

Postby littlemiss » Sat Mar 08, 2008 9:40 pm

Hi All...:0

I was just wondering what some of your experiences were...

What happens when 1 person begins recovery & is working the 12 Steps & their partner isn't (espec. if they are an addict/alcoholic even if a dry drunk)?
I know it's about US...and not THEM in recovery. I'm just wondering how these relationship issues have worked themselves out for some of you...?

Thanks, Y'all!
littlemiss
 
Posts: 101
Joined: Mon Sep 24, 2007 9:34 am
Location: S. Calif.

My name is Anne, I'm an alcoholic

Postby musicmode » Sun Mar 09, 2008 1:16 am

All you can change is you. I've very recently discovered that changing my own perspective can be an eye-opener. We look for our own part and work at keeping our side of the street clean. (I know, what if it's him that keeps messing that street up after you've just swept it? Hand him the broom). It's all about recognizing the patterns, and how we always respond. Sometimes, and this has only been my experience...when I change something in the pattern...even if it's something as simple as a different word, the pattern then becomes broken, and we're free of another variable that keeps us wrapped up in a cycle that might be a negative one. For me, I become more aware of that "deja vu" feeling, and sometimes still have to let a pattern play out so that I can learn from it. Knowing a pattern, this will come around again ### the scenario might ####, and next time it does, I sit up and smile, ready. I don't know what I'm going to do different until I do it, but I know when I've done it, cuz the look on the other person's face is completely baffled, speechless in fact, because you've changed the script. "We will intuitively know what our next step should be". We're alcoholics...we keep doing things over...and over...and over again. That's what we do ###, I should say, that's what I ####. I had a friend one time who insisted that this plywood door shut. He shoulder checked it, and again, and again...with more heave-ho each time. Finally, the door stayed shut, 'til he took a step and a half away from it, then it sprung right open ###, I might ####. My friend accepted that it wasn't going to stay shut and waved the whole thing off. We only become willing to change what we can of ourselves, we become accepting of ourselves, comfortable in our own skin, and enough courage to not be so "people pleasing", and still retain peace and clarity that can only come from a clean conscience. We don't have to give in or give ourselves up to insane thoughts, no matter who it might be that's having them. Stay sober and you will see life and people for what it is, and you will be able to accept all of this, on life's terms.

Hope that was helpful? You're working your way up to 6 months. Remember what I told you in the beginning...for me, at 6 months, I felt as though I wanted to rip off my own skin. It might be you'll be going thru some physical type effects of sobering up...remember that that's just and only what it is...your body is still cleaning out. Stay alert and stay on your game in regards to this program, 6 months can be a precarious time.

Keep in touch, and keep things simple. Remember, be good to yourself :wink:

Anne
musicmode
 
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Location: alberta

Postby Dallas » Sun Mar 09, 2008 8:27 pm

Besides the invaluable help that you'll be able to get from your sponsor, I'll bet she knows of some very good resources (members) in the Al-Anon Fellowship... that can prove to be invaluable resources, as well.

We do have two chapters in the Big Book, that I have found very useful, both for myself and with my own recovery... and in helping me in my relationships with others...

Many alcoholics fail to read them... probably because they think they don't apply to them, or their case is different! :lol:

It's the chapters, "To Wives" and "The family afterward". They are packed full of information and wisdom regarding living with and helping other alcoholics and non-alcoholics. :wink:

I've also found some of the information in those two chapters very helpful in regards to sponsoring and 12 Stepping.

Listening to some Al-Anon speaker CD's or tapes, talking with Al-Anons, and visiting some open Al-Anon meetings were very insightful for me.

Dallas
Dallas
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