Something else that I've found works for me is: I've had sponsors where I've been comfortable sharing stuff with, but when I hit on something that the other person doesn't understand, and simply because perhaps the "issue" or what ever is so outside of their world, or...for whatever reason, you don't feel like you want to tell your sponsor ______ ### fill in the ####...the point is that we need to get all of that garbage out with someone~~get it out of us so as to let it go...but maybe there's another individual who you could tell, then let that be so. It's about learning how to be honest with yourself ### you become willing to be honest with yourself that is
Took me 7 years, that's ####. Take the friend who left her purse wide open in front of me...there was a light hearted/not so intimidating moment where I admitted to another person that I'm a thief. I would never, nor would I have ever stolen that purse or anything in it...but I've stolen in other ways ### con and the brainstorm, right?--I've stolen audiences...really...I did. Just like the "pied piper"...or was that the pie-eyed piper?? The first time I set out to do this, I went down to the competition night club--with the motive and intention of 'charming' them all back to where the band I was in was...it worked so well...I did it again in another town...then, another...ya think I owe a few other bands amends??####. I've learned...for me anyway...I can find all sorts of excuses to keep that junk inside and not open up to people...one excuse has been "oh, my sponsor's on holidays, now is when I want to talk about this, and she's not here,"
. Where ever possible and how ever possible...we gotta keep workin' it.
It's about trust, right? Not something I've been too keen on...trusting others??? I've been burnt, too...in the sense that I've gone out on a limb and admitted to myself, another person and God as I understand Him ### ####...and let some kind of cat out of the bag that I swore I'd never tell a soul cuz it was toooo rotten and embarrassing, only to get to the next meeting, and have a third party ask me about something that that third party should not have even known about ### about learning tolerance and patience let me tell ####. I've learned that if what I tell you for example, you know that this can be of help to someone else, by all means, pass it forward, so today...it's not such a big deal if this happens. Besides, I think I've gotten rid of all the real nasties in the closet. Back then, though...it was a real issue...that was MY part: trust. How was I to know that my then sponsor was also the blabber mouth and newspaper of the group??? ###, that's sarcasm, not resentment. Used to be...but now I understand...that's just how some people are--they were born that way...right?..tee-hee)
As for men sponsoring men and women sponsoring women. In groups I've been in, it's suggested that this be the way it goes. However, sometimes it's the case where there aren't too many women, and those who are there, may have only been in the program a few months more than you have...you need a sponsor who's steady on their feet and solid in the program. They talk the talk at the meetings~anybody can do that...but do they walk it? Do they practice ### the best of their #### the principles out there
. Another thing I've learned to be careful about, and it is out of concern for both me and the potential sponsor~~how many people are they sponsoring already? How busy are they already? If she's got a job, a husband, 2 kids who are teenagers, and one of them is in constant trouble with the law, and she's sponsoring 3 other people, you gotta ask yourself...where does she find the time to do her own step work for herself? I was told both, that I gotta
have a sponsor right away...and I was told that there's no rush...don't keep putting it off indefinitely...but this is a life long program. Easy does it. Someone who both talks and listens from the heart, and shoots from the hip. Remember, it's gotta have weight and it's gotta have depth. In otherwords, the type of sponsor that works for me, I want to soak up every word that person says, and I want that person to keep talking because even their voice draws you into their serenity...and you want what they got. They don't have to be a drill sergeant and jam it down your throat...but you want someone who's going to tell it like it is, too. My part is...I gotta have the desire for it, and I gotta be willing to listen and learn. They can have 10 years sobriety and still be an emotional basket case, or, they can have 4 years sobriety, and...you know...you just know
..that they got something that you want. There's something about that person that gives you the drive to stay sober~~because you want
to be sober "like that"...that's the kind of sobriety you envision for you. Keep in mind, you are not going to like everything they say---that's a GOOD thing for us-that's how this program works-we get told what we need to hear, not what we want to hear...I seem to "take it" better when it's delivered from compassion and wisdom rather than a finger pointing attack...but, that's very likely my own perspective and not the intention of the messenger. They are only sharing their experience, strength and hope. Take what you need and leave the rest.
For what it's worth, anyway
Keep it simple,