- Biochemistry of Love, Relationships and Recovery

Biochemistry of Love, Relationships and Recovery




A discussion of topics related to relationships in recovery and treatment

My name is Anne, I'm an alcoholic

Postby musicmode » Mon Mar 31, 2008 12:21 pm

tj!! You 'n me is cut from the same cloth girl :P :wink: . I've realized lately, though...for me, my perspective has turned around, and without a defining moment...I "pick" people who are not good communicators, with me getting hurt, etc.,--has turned around to me asking: How do I set that up/what's my part in this equation? Sometimes it's as "simple" and the same as walking forward, but looking behind me...end up walking into that power-pole--and hit the power pole-because it's in the way?? That power-pole didn't just spring up out of the ground. I've gone and said something to someone, being all friendly and innocent, and they say something in return that...well... :? :?: ...They misinterpret what I've said, take it all the wrong way, they get sore and retaliate. How's this turned around? I need to learn to be more sensitive to others' feelings instead of expecting them to be sensitive to mine. To take something mundane and irrelevant, I said to my supervisor that, another unit that I'd driven, I'd done a park brake test, and also the brakes, and reported to her the results I experienced. Simple enough, right? You'd think. She looks at me right in the eye and, with this tone of exacberation, says: "I find it difficult to believe, as (name of driver who usually drives this particular unit) is a slow driver." My "response" was: :shock: :? :?: . She puzzled me too much to become defensive, but my feelings were hurt, plus, I was confused, and that small feeling that I don't know what I'm talking about rose fast. What I had said, and her response, did not match...so, where did she think I was coming from--instead of throwing a temper tantrum and stomping away. After meditating on it for...a day, literally...took me a full day to clue in to what she thought I meant. Then, :idea: . She thought I was knocking this other driver, which was the farthest thing from what my intention was. I also was considerate that my supervisor was running on 3-4 hours sleep per night, and her head wasn't too clear. ###...a month later, that particular bus had to go in for...what? Brake work :twisted: ####. The girl's driving has nothing to do with brakes, but her brakes might be a problem in regards to her driving :twisted: .

I've grown an ounce...in that I've learned to back away, and instead of dwelling on it and letting it fester, I pray about it...hash it out with God as I understand Him and a logical conclusion materializes. We all come from different backgrounds, we've all had different influences, from which we learn how to communicate with others. If you aren't understanding me, yes, we both speak english, but maybe I can find different words/find a different way of putting it. Words, tones, influences, all are drawn on and play a part in my communication with others. Sometimes my form of communication with another might be kind of like talking louder to someone who has a Spanish tongue...and that's my part. Yes, they can hear me, but that doesn't mean the other person and I are on the same page of understanding...even when it might appear that we are. Communication takes work on both sides, and these days, with our fast paced lifestyles, sometimes taking the time to listen is just more than some folks are willing to do. Is it frustrating? Yes. But, that's why we have AA. In here, there is an understanding that goes beyond words. That's why we go to meetings, work and communicate with others in the program on a daily basis, as well as work our steps...we learn that we are not alone, that there are people who do listen, and who do understand what it is we're trying to say, even when we don't.

Keep coming back...
Anne
musicmode
 
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Postby Dallas » Mon Mar 31, 2008 12:52 pm

Hey Anne,

Thanks for that very insightful sharing!

Dallas
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Postby garden variety » Wed Apr 02, 2008 1:57 am

I am sorry, Kelly. Sometimes email or posting doesn't always work at communicating - I can see that my words have been too harsh with you. That tells me I've been falling short in being sensitive to your feelings. For that I'm very sorry and ask your forgiveness. I don't think the words I posted were the best choices to say what's on my mind - somehow kind attention and appreciation slipped through the cracks. Those things are in my mind and heart - but they are missing in my recent posts. I'm sorry about that, too.
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Postby Huskergirl » Sat Aug 21, 2010 2:37 pm

Hello there. I am new to this forum and happend to find it several days ago while desperate and in crisis, and searching the internet for some kind of online answers and HOPE. I have been reading and reading. Read the Big Book on line. I can identify with so much here. Have known I had a drinking problem for at least 10 years. Hid it successfully from everyone, except my children. They have both abandoned me now. I have much Step 4 work to do, and have yet to go to a meeting. Drove by one near my home last night, but could not get up the courage yet to just go. I need the meetings and I need a sponsor.

I may go into my story in some other forum, but to stay on topic here, I am currently struggling with how to move forward in my wonderful 8 year relationship with the man of my dreams, who lives a balanced and successful life, does not drink. This thread, of the many I have read over the last several days, has spoken to my heart the best. This man, my fiance, does not know of my drinking problem, but he may have a suspicion now, because after a bout with my son a week ago, I tried to commit suicide and I told my fiance of that, but only that. He knows of my estranged relationships with my kids. Daughter 30 and son 20.

He is confused and has broken off communication with me and my heart is breaking. I know that I have to come clean with him and am searching my soul and asking HP for the right words, and the right time.

Anyway, I just wanted you to know how much this has meant to me.

I am sorry to see that Kelly has not posted here and it has been 2 years. Perhaps she has posted elsewhere and did come back. I hope so.

Bless you all for your stories. It has truly been inspirational and kept me sane and sober this week, and I intend to keep coming back.

thank you.
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Postby Dallas » Sat Aug 21, 2010 8:24 pm

Welcome to the site! Thanks for introducing yourself and I look forward to reading more from you!

Dallas
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Much appreciated, deeper love, and commitment

Postby Huskergirl » Mon Aug 23, 2010 8:49 pm

On Saturday night I went to my fiance's house, just to retrieve my bike so that I would have it at my house for use and some much need excersise and diversion whenever I needed it. Or so that is what I told myself I was going over there for. I think going over there at that time was a decision that came from the divine spirit of my soul, because words were spoken and emotions came to the forefront and my fiance divulged to me a secret he had been keeping from me.....that he was an alcoholic. Imagine my relief and my immediate and compelling sense of deep love and compassion for him as those words that he spoke allowed me to tell him the secret that I had been keeping from him for so agonizingly and insanely long (8 years!), that I too was an alcoholic.

Long story short.....he has some 14 years of sobriety on me, and over the course of that night and through to almost midnight of the next, he shared his story with me. The whole story. He took me to my first meeting tonight and intends to go with me to other meetings around the city until I find the meetings that best suit me and feel comfortable to go on my own. I have poured out my heart to him and trust him with my life and my soul. I have two full days sober now and ahead of me a genuine promise of a lifetime of the love, warmth, and sober companionship with this wonderful man.

There are no secrets between us now. Our intimacy and honesty with one another is 100% complete. I am the luckiest woman on the planet. Surely God brought this wonderful man into my life years ago for a purpose. We were meant to be together.

I still have much work to do, but with the grace of God, and this wonderful soul of a man that He sent my way, I feel very confident of my recovery.

This site, with all of the tools available, and the forum with the posting of all of the caring and troubled souls has been a gift that can hardly be denied. The value of this gift cannot be adequately expressed with words.

Thank you for being here, and I will keep you posted of my progress.

May God Bless you with continued success in the fine 12th step work that you do here.

thank you!!!! :D :D
Huskergirl
 
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Postby Dallas » Mon Apr 25, 2011 2:09 pm

Thanks for sharing Huskergirl! I appreciate you, appreciate reading your sharing, and I wish the best of the best for you!

Dallas
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