Hey Crickit, good to hear from you.
Regardless of what your husband does or doesn't do, you've got to stay sober and do what you have to do.
It sounds like you're taking his inventory instead of your own. And, it sounds like you're looking for his "causes and conditions" instead of searching for your own.
If you want to stay sober, happy, joyous and free... there is a condition to it. It's called "working your own 12 Steps" and not trying to take them for someone else.
First things first: Your sponsor is out of town. Put your mind and actions on hold, if you have to, until your sponsor is back in town, and then, talk to her about it. Then, if she gives you suggestions and directions, follow them instead of trying to negotiate with her.
You mentioned before, that you had two sponsors. Are they both out of town?
Second: When is the last time that you've been to a meeting? You didn't mention that in your post. Did you share about it in the meeting? If you did, what was the feedback that you got?
Keep coming back. Keep it simple. You can't take care of someone else if you're not taking care of yourself. In AA, when we work "our own recovery program" we get better. And, for some reason... unknown to us, other's seem to bet better on their own.... without our help. Maybe, they have their own Higher Power, and we're not it?
Take care. Read the book. Call your sponsor. Go to a meeting. Simple.