Hello,now that I've done some more reading,I see that I should tell you a little more about me.
47 yrs old, drank for 35yrs.had a 6 yr stint without alcohol or drugs from 92-96.
PEOPLE thought I had a problem with alcohol.Checked in for 3 days.Researched the disease,learned the physiological problem,wow! solved!
Just don't drink,life will be grand.I graduated.
Thought the program was great for people who needed it,not me of course.Step one,all that applied to me was powerless,no problem,just don't drink.
Went to some meetings,discussed the program with a good friend in the same boat. WE concluded that you people bummed us out with all of your depressing stories,not for us,happy it was there for YOU sick people.
Character defects? Me? No way!,I loved me.Surrender,why?
Told in counseling that I didn't do enough for me,always doing for others.Easy fix,good news.
Released to the world with a mission.Do more for me.sounds like fun. First order of business,new wheels.Flew to Chicago,bought a ferrari with my projected Vodka savings,COOL,I like this sobriety stuff.Had approval from my 5 yr old son so I knew I was doing the right thing,heck he even chose a nicer model for me.
Now time to get serious,more is better so I got another one.it was a race car so I did the only logical thing.went to training and became a race driver.Adrenaline! NICE! This is for me.Expensive? Yep.What to do,must fund the new addiction.Easy,start more companies,make more money.
Won't bore you with more details of exploits,same MO just lots more much bigger and better.Remember,I need more.Always felt anything worth doing is worth over doing in the eyes of those normal people,wimps you know.
Well,sh.t hit the fan after 6 yrs.No fellowship,no real support,lots of impulsive decisions,big trouble. Wow! lots of new Vodkas on the market in the last six years.Better get started,good place to hide.
Worked on living my own depressing stories for 6 more years.Easy to get back in 'the circle of hell' Detox grew from 0 to 10 days,medical necessity.Supposed to die,empty promise from the docs.just kept living( actually dieing) and drinking.Did the rehab tour,hospitalized 14 times in 18 months.barely had time to drink in between,but I did with a vengence.Couple DUI's never before, who'd a thunk it?Still had my bike,no problem.Son took my bike wheel so I couldn't ride to the liquor store,no problem,I walked,excersize is good you know.
Last drunk,by myself at home,sat, day and night,all the same to me.woke up sun. in bed.Very sore,oh sh.t more broken bones I bet.Who knows how or what. Got a ride to hospital ER.Yep,broke an ankle and a rib.They new me by name by now,very nice,wanted me to stay for detox.Thanked them and said " just give me some lib for home,I must get sober in the real world,easy for me as inpatient,with meds of course,have to do it on the outside" April 24,2005
I came to the realization that I am not going to just get drunk and die,too easy.God is just going to break me up piece by piece until I surrender.
Things are now going great.lots of new real friends,they care and I care about them.lots of defects to pray on everyday to keep in check.Never alone,God is always with me.Sh.t still happens,my reaction and perception is all that counts.Most problems are between my ears.Let go Let God is Great! don't have to fix everything,don't have to make things happen anymore,just do my best and LET them happen.
I could write for days,remember,moderation is new for me.
Glad to be here with so many good people.
Our Father who ...............Amen