Hang in there for a little bit. We'll come up with something to help.
Back when AA first started, there were no Sponsors or meetings west of Akron, Ohio. The Big Book wasn't online. There was no Internet. And, even telephone service was limited. Yet, despite all those difficulties, thousands of books were sent out in the mail to suffering alcoholics, who read the book, took their Steps (alone) by following the instructions in the book, and then wen't out looking for other alcoholics to help. Sometimes, it took them a year or two before there was two AA members so that they could have a meeting. When they needed help, they wrote a letter to New York, and in about six to eight weeks later, they would get a letter back from New York.
If they could do that then -- and they did do it -- and AA grew to cover every country on the globe -- I think we've got a head-start at being able to help you! We do have the Internet. We can send you sound files, tapes and CD's, from other AA members talking about and explaining the 12 Steps, and you can learn and be supported by listening to those. Plus we can help you here online, and if you ever need or want to talk to any of us, I'm sure that we would all be willing to exchange telephone numbers with you. At least, if you have a question, or need some suggestions... you won't have to wait six to eight weeks for a reply or an answer! We can get it to you at the click of a button.
I don't want to sound as though I don't think sponsors are important. For me, it has been important. However, one of the first things that my very first sponsor passed on to me -- was he wanted to be sure that I understood that I did not need him to stay sober. And, that he could not keep me sober -- and, he told me that if he felt like I was relying on him too much, and not trying to find a Power that was bigger and greater than he was -- he would drop me in a heart beat.
He also told me that neither he, nor all the other human power in AA combined... could keep me sober. And, he told me that there is One, that has All Power -- and that One is God, and that I had better do whatever I had to do to seek Him and to find Him.
A sponsor doesn't have the power to keep us sober. And, if we place our sponsor above God, my first sponsor told me, that if he allowed me to do that, we would probably both end up drunk again.
I believed him, then. And, I still believe what he told me. Sometimes, it's tough for some of us alcoholics to seek God's help. But, when the pain and the frustration and the depression get's great enough... we most often become willing.
I think my first sponsor might have said something like this to you, "Seek God's help first, and we'll be here to help you all that we can, too."
Hang in there Deb. I've seen miracles around here that are bigger than you finding a sponsor happen! And, if that can happen... and it does happen... then all things are possible!
I feel that I am sure, and I believe that I am sure, that every single person on this forum is willing to do anything they can and go to any length to help you.
Just keep coming back, and sharing, and talking (writing) about what's bothering you. We will be with you, too... as we all trudge the Road of Happy Destiny. If you have a Big Book, I suggest you offer a little prayer up to God, and then read page 164, of the Big Book. (Pray first).