- What is Love?

What is Love?




Topics and discussions related to being single and or dating while in recovery

Postby Berdie » Fri Jul 11, 2008 11:38 pm

Wow...that is a good question that has been asked from the beginning of time. I'm not sure I could do it justice...but can sure tell you how to mess it up.

If we go by the Biblical definition of it, it would be: "Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, and always perseveres." - 1 Cor. 13:4-7 (NIV)

No matter how hard I try, I sure couldn't hit it 100%...I am not patient at times at all and there are days I am easily angered, especially when I'm into a project like painting and I have just splattered paint on my favorite relaxing shoes and the phone rings....which happened today. I had to stop, regroup and then see who was calling on the telephone.

Many years ago I used to think my definition of love was how I wanted someone to treat me and then go through a whole list of things they would or wouldn't do. I had some waking up to do.

Someone else said it here in an earlier post, I had to learn how to love myself first...other wise I was counting on another individual to "make me happy." Happiness is an inside job. When I came to the program and my whole life change, I started learning to love myself, take care of myself, nurture myself and protect myself - even against some of my own faulty thinking, my ideals of what I wanted or "expected" changed.

I started seeing that love is expressed in many different ways...but that's not what the question was here... it was what IS love.

To me love is caring about others. I would say that it is caring about someone else more than I care for myself - but that is the level of love I feel for someone, and may not be a healthy kind of love if I care more for someone who is abusive more than I care about myself.

There are a list of things I can say that are things I could do if I love (care about) someone, such as - respect, am compassionate with, am patient with, spend time with, treat kindly, practice forgiveness, or it could be that I practice tough love, back away from, stop enabling, give space, retreat, and allow them to hit thier bottom.

Okay, I'm rambling...I too am curious what the Old Timer said to you Dallas....any chance of receiving a message with her comment to you?
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Postby tj » Sat Jul 12, 2008 9:57 am

Wow!! This topic really has me thinking and it is just what I needed today. Thanks for all of the sharing. I related to Anne's post the most. She said, "I cannot feel the love that others give me; I can only feel the love I give others." I have been told and believe that alcoholism is a disease of perception. Because my perception is flawed, I do not always perceive another's actions as loving, even though that is what they intend. Therefore, I, like Anne, do not always feel the love that others intend to give to me. To me, love is not just a feeling. Love is action. If God has placed me in a relationship with a person, I try to find out what is meaningful to them, and give it to them, even on days that my feelings toward them are not so loving. In some cases, that may mean putting a snack that they like in their lunch, writing them a note saying how much I love and value them, ironing a shirt, preparing a meal, tending to a physical or emotional wound, praying with/for someone, calling them on the phone, not enabling an unhealthy behavior--the list could go on and on. I also believe that God expresses his love for us through action. I believe that he shows us everyday how much he loves us by just having the sun come up on his beautiful creation. I also find that a funny thing happens when I express my love in different ways for others. I actually begin to perceive the love in others' actions and the relationship deepens. Now, this doesn't happen everyday, but if I am committed to the relationship and "keep coming back", it will happen more often than not. That is true for my relationship with humans and especially with the God of my understanding. I am also finding as I clean up my side of the street in sobriety, I can look back and see others love for me that I had not realized before. What a healing gift that has been. Thanks for this topic. It has helped me. Have a great Saturday.

Manette
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Postby sunlight » Mon Feb 09, 2009 11:21 pm

Hi Dallas!

I was picking daisies through this thread, when I realized that you never did tell us what that special lady said love is.

Would you share with us what she told you?

Valentine's day is coming and I bet a lot of us could use some polishing up in this area! Present company included! :lol:
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Postby Dallas » Tue Feb 10, 2009 2:13 am

Sure. Not right now, but soon. Hopefully, before Valentine's day


Dallas
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Postby raj b » Mon Aug 10, 2009 5:56 am

love , this one word refers, means, denotes, different things at different times to different people & mostly with different moods.
love is empathy in action, all good actions performed ,devoid of selfish motives & without the thought of " I " am doing it.... is ....love.
till such time we cannot respect ourselves, till such time we cannot forgive ourselves,till such time we cannot cleanse ourselves of the dross of polluted motives, we can never give or receive love, steps 1 to 12 takes us through an inward journey, as this never ending journey continues, we respect ourselves.... we respect others, we forgive ourselves....we forgive others.....we love ourselves &we love all things & people around us.
love is an experience it can never be imparted , it has to be experienced.
raj B
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Postby raj b » Mon Aug 10, 2009 5:59 am

raj b wrote:love , this one word refers, means, denotes, different things at different times to different people & mostly with different moods.
love is empathy in action, all good actions performed ,devoid of selfish motives & without the thought of " I " am doing it.... is ....love.
till such time we cannot respect ourselves, till such time we cannot forgive ourselves,till such time we cannot cleanse ourselves of the dross of polluted motives, we can never give or receive love, steps 1 to 12 takes us through an inward journey, as this never ending journey continues, we respect ourselves.... we respect others, we forgive ourselves....we forgive others.....we love ourselves &we love all things & people around us.
love is an experience it can never be imparted , it has to be experienced.
raj B
"what goes in the name of love is mere attachment"....
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Postby Dallas » Mon Aug 10, 2009 6:31 am

Hello Raj!!! Welcome!!! Thank you for sharing. I enjoyed what you wrote! Thank you for participating. I look forward to your continued participation. This is the first time that I can remember, that we had a family member move in with us that was from India -- and, they actually participated after moving in!

Make yourself comfortable and I hope you enjoy it here with us.

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Postby raj b » Mon Aug 10, 2009 8:36 am

thanks dallas, for making me feel at home.....will be in touch...
god bless
raj B
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Postby Dallas » Mon Aug 10, 2009 10:05 am

Please do, Raj! It's great to hear from you! And, it's also great to have a friend in India! Maybe, someday, I'll get a chance to visit! I've only seen pictures, movies and television -- and it seems so fascinating to me. I love history and places that have significant historical events attached to them. I also enjoy learning about different cultures, ways of life, different views of spirituality, and the different types of food, too! :wink:

What to me is so awesome, in AA, anywhere in the world, is: not only do we share in alcoholism, and recovery from it, we share the same solution, the 12 Steps! And, even though our drinking and living may have been different, our recovery path is the same. And, our bond, the Fellowship of AA and the Fellowship of the Spirit, we share. To me: this describes love and a genuine way that we can love one another and to be of service to each other. Kindred spirits. Brothers and sisters in our adopted family as well as our spiritual family.

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Postby ccs » Mon Aug 10, 2009 11:10 pm

hi Raj welcome to the site I am looking forward to reading more of your experience strength and hope & love its great to have you join our family

Luv your Sister in Sobriety :)

LUV-2-ALL Cessie
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