First, I'd like to welcome you to the site and thank you for expressing the courage to open up and share what's going on with you.
I don't believe that it would be right for me to judge you or your situation. All I can do is to share with you my experience of what I was like or what I did, what happened, and what I'm like today.
I have a pretty tough sponsor. There have been times when I felt like he didn't believe me, when I was telling the truth -- and other times when he let me know that I wasn't telling the truth. There have been times when I thought and felt as though he was trying to humiliate me. I have a great sponsor -- and, I'm just being honest. A couple of the many things he's taught me, is: facts do not always match my perception of reality. And, there have been times -- when he knew I was being dishonest -- when I didn't even know that I was being honest.
I do know that I'm trusting him with my life -- and, if I didn't think he had my best interest in mind -- I wouldn't trust him that way.
I also know that I MUST be totally open and honest with him. I feel that my life and my sobriety depends upon it. I have to tell him my deepest and darkest secrets. Now, you or anyone else may not have to do that with your sponsors. I can only speak for myself and my experience and what I've done and what I believe to be right for me.
When I have been honest with him with all the humility that I can muster -- and go to him with a problem that I would really prefer not to do -- he has always been there for me, and most often, with thoughtful and loving kindness. And, he encourages me. I can see that he is never as tough on me as I am tough on myself.
In regards to the lady -- if I couldn't trust myself to take right actions with her -- I know I had better get as far away from her as I can get, as fast as I can get away!
Some slopes are too slippery to risk. The guilt, remorse and amends can be too much of a price for me to risk having to do.
Now that I've wrote all that -------- I want to say thank you, for serving me and our country and our citizens. I admire you for that -- and I am as grateful for you, as I can possibly be. I would imagine that you get yourself into some risky and lonely and tough and dangerous situations -- in your efforts to serve a Higher Purpose. If you are as super-sensitive as I am -- probably, your greatest fear -- is emotional pain.
For me, I could fall in love on a wink and a blink -- if I wasn't real careful about it. And, nothing is so painful as a broken heart... or the guilt and remorse that I can fabricate in my head -- over someone elses emotional difficulties. It seems like there are times when I'll blame myself for everything -- and, it could be just weather related!
I was always told -- that the reason the old-timers stay away from the newcomers is -- the newcomer can take it and bounce back -- but, the old-timer is likely to wind up dead........
And, I've watched that example happen more than a few times. I was also told that the 13th Step had it's origin, as "the 13th nail in the coffin"... of the old-timer doing something that he ought not have been doing -- and, it killed him.
And, of course... in your situation... sex might be the last thing in your conscious mind to do... For me, I have to watch out for the unconscious things in my mind -- especially, if there is any likely-hood that emotions can be involved. Also, my experience has been -- that there are more than a few A.A.'s that have twisted perceptions, and they like to make up rumors and gossip and sometimes out-right lies..... to get a little attention and to bring someone else down. I know it's not supposed to work that way -- but, it's the way that it often is. I try to watch what kind of situations that I get myself into. I know of one sick-o that's a member of our Fellowship... that brags about all the one's that she's driven back to drinking. She feels proud of her record! She has spent a lot of time trying to drive me to the brink of a drink... and I know of some that she was successful with. With strangers like that -- I don't need enemies.
Like I say..... I can't tell you what you should do..... I can only say that I would be mighty careful to try my darndest to not get myself in that kind of situation.
Best wishes to you,