- 12 Step Dating website

12 Step Dating website




Topics and discussions related to being single and or dating while in recovery

12 Step Dating website

Postby Dallas » Sun Mar 16, 2008 9:37 pm

I've often wondered if there would be much of a demand for an 12 Step Dating website, where singles in 12 Step programs could meet up with other 12 Step singles.

What do you think?

Would there be much of a demand for it?

Thanks for your replies.

Dallas
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Postby Kelly » Sun Mar 16, 2008 11:17 pm

Hmmmmmm...Well, since I'm a newbie, my opinion doesn't really count on this topic right now, but I'm always willing to put my 2-cents in. :lol:

Speaking from the standpoint of a single woman, I think a 12-step dating service is a good idea. I know that down the road when I will be more interested in getting back into the dating world, I will definitely only want to get involved with a non-drinker. When you think about at all the ways that singles typically meet; work, through friends and family, other online dating sites, and the infamous bar scene...well, you never really know what the drinking habits of a potential suitor might be (except for the bar scene and I know for certain that I'm not going down that road!).

For me to stay sober, I know that I wouldn't ever want to have a a dating or romantic relationship with a drinker again...even if they weren't an alcoholic. I think knowing on the front-end that someone is living sober and has/is working the steps would take that concern away from me and allow me to be more open and hopeful with the potential of the relationship. It would also be comforting for me to know that if I were to become involved with a fellow recovering alcoholic that he would understands the struggles and the work involved in living sober and it seems like having a partner in the program would make it so much better than working the program on your own! :)

Well, that's my viewpoint and I'm stickin' to it! :wink:

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Postby Susan » Mon Mar 17, 2008 2:26 am

Not for me, I have all I can do to manage dating in person. :D It is sort of like fantasy dating for me and that is a no-no for me.LOL
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Postby Berdie » Thu Jul 10, 2008 1:33 pm

There are a couple of Recovery Singles sites out there, but I haven't joined.

One thing I know for sure is that I don't know anything. LOL!

I guess I'm trying to say is that I have heard some people say that they have used dating sites and things turned out great. I have others say it didn't turn out so well.

I've met a few relationships f2f and it didn't turn out so good either, so I sure can't advise anyone on that score. I can tell people what NOT to do...
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Postby garden variety » Fri Jul 11, 2008 8:09 am

Hi all,

I was giving this some thought after carefully reading the responses. After I got up off the floor from laughing so hard - really. I mean does this idea of a 12-step dating site sound like a "sane" idea?

Lord have mercy, I'm deathly afraid of what kinds of crazy issues will come out of it. I mean this could be downright dangerous. :shock:

Think about it. How many lead stories have you heard where an ex-husband moves in with the ex-wife and her new boyfriend because the probation department needed the ex-husband to have some kind of "responsible" person without a criminal record vouch for him. Lordy all the stories of ex-wives and husbands and new husbands and wives, and boyfriends and girlfriends getting together and comparing notes - then they get together and play cards on Friday nights. :roll:

Really - I'm not lying - I've heard these stories and more.

What I'm saying is that it seems like our lives as alcoholics are definietly good examples of "personal adventures before and after". Heck I even shared my own personal adventure which is one of those crazy relationship things.

But you know my friends, I am willing to go to any length to get what you have, but there might be some things you have that I might not be all that happy to get. Wait a minute, now that really sounds bad... :oops:

I think this one will have to go to "committee". Maybe some night when I suddenly wake up at 3:00 AM, my committee will have an emergency session where we can bring this matter up. I'm sure there is someone already taking notes!
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Postby Berdie » Fri Jul 11, 2008 9:43 am

garden variety wrote:Think about it. How many lead stories have you heard where an ex-husband moves in with the ex-wife and her new boyfriend because the probation department needed the ex-husband to have some kind of "responsible" person without a criminal record vouch for him. Lordy all the stories of ex-wives and husbands and new husbands and wives, and boyfriends and girlfriends getting together and comparing notes - then they get together and play cards on Friday nights. :roll:


Now that's a new one on me! I've not heard that yet.

"And these are the days of our lives...." LOL!
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Postby Dallas » Fri Jul 11, 2008 5:39 pm

I haven't heard those stories either.... yet. :lol:

I wasn't referring to a 12 Step Swingers site. :shock:

Hey, they have personal ads in classifieds, AOL, Yahoo, Match, Craigs List, eHarmony, just to name a few of the thousands of sites that are set up to help a single person connect with a single person that has "like interests."

How many of those sites have a selection of: "Are you a member of a 12 Step Program? Are you sober? Do you not drink and not use drugs?"

I haven't had much personal experience with this -- but, I know that while I was living in the Southern California area, I often went to 12 Step Dances, because I knew I would meet other 12 Steppers there, and that the emphasis would be on sobriety... no drinking, no drugs, etceteras.

At the 12 Step Dances, I did meet other 12 Steppers and sometimes we would date -- and it turned out really great, because of our similar interests in life. I would much rather go see a movie or a concert, or a ball game, or a play, or on a date with someone else that had solid recovery characteristics. However, my eyes are trained not to look for or at others as "prospective dates" in A.A. meetings. For me, that's taboo. with no wiggle room.

At convention dances, I'm there to have a good time but not to take it serious like a dance partner might be a potential date or something. Often, many of them are married or in relationships, and they, too, are just dancing for the fun of dancing and having a good time...

I guess a person could put a personal ad on a personals site and mention that they are 12 Steppers and prefer to meet and date other 12 Steppers, but that one profile might be buried in 100,000 other profiles. Why not make it easy for 12 Steppers to find other 12 Steppers that are interested in dating?

Just my thoughts about it.

Dallas
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Postby Berdie » Fri Jul 11, 2008 6:46 pm

You know, I was out and about today, and while I was driving, I thought about this topic. I was thinking, it really has as much validity as E-Harmony, and other dating sites.

Recoveryingmates is one of the recovery singles sites. There are a few others...

I too have gone to dances in recovery, and probably will go again at some point.

One of the most important things for me at this point, is to be very sure that anyone I date IS definintely working a solid program. That's one of the problems I've had since being sober...is that someone who said he was working a program wasn't and the bottom fell out. I don't want to go that route again.

I have to say, some will use the site as a swingers site and some wont...just the same as some use the rooms for the same thing and some don't. Yes?

I think it's worth checking into for you starting Dallas. And good luck if you do decide to do it.
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Postby Susan » Fri Jul 11, 2008 8:04 pm

I too would like a male companion to do things with, but I try not to look around at my meetings, that is like incest. There is where I go to get help and not date. Out here they call non steppers earth people and I have been visiting the hardware stores and churches and nothing. So maybe a 12 step dating site might be good. The joke out here is. How can you tell when two alcoholics are on there second date? One has a moving van in the drive way. I guess it would have to be tried.
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Postby DME39 » Thu Oct 16, 2008 8:27 pm

Hi Dallas...i just stumbled on this topic...i know that a reply hasn't been posted for awhile...so here goes my take on it... :P
I have been divorced for four years now and I work two jobs to take care of the home which i own and my 9 year old son. Having tried being set up by friends and family members as well as trying to meet men in the usual/ normal way (via bars) i was resolved to the fact that i would become a lonely old cat lady in 20 short years. A friend of mine suggested an online dating site and after a few losers I really found the love of my life. The key was to find someone who "gets" you...an AA singles online dating site would be a great way for people to make new friends and maybe more :D
Darlene
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