- Experience, Strenght, & Hope

Experience, Strenght, & Hope




Alcoholics and Addicts sharing their personal recovery story with us to help others who want to recover.

Experience, Strenght, & Hope

Postby Rusty Zipper » Sun Oct 30, 2005 6:57 pm

Hello everyone. around the rooms we here of speaker meetings, outgoings, persional story's, and Experience, Strenght, and Hope. Well, thats what this forum is about. To show the newcomer, the person sti'l struggling, and the folks with a few 24 hours that there is hope. Hope to stop drinking, or druging, stay sober,and have a better life. This forum is about what we were like, some of what happened to us, and what were like today. So to anyone who would like to share some of their "Experience, Strenght, and Hope" ... Let'er Rip! ... xxxooo, your friend in recovery, Rusty :wink:
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my story, and i'm sticking to it

Postby Rusty Zipper » Sun Oct 30, 2005 8:42 pm

first, i do not blame anyone for my addictions. i accept full responsibilities for it. was born in a very modest italian, americian family. my mom lost three sons. i think this helped with my feelings of aloneness. as a child, i was a pleasure seeker. i found pleasure anyway i could get it. be it thrills, food, adventure, music, visuals, my fantasy land in my head! ect,ect. i always felt i did not fit in. hung out with what i call mistfits of society. the rebels, the over the top crowd. my family was in the restraunt business. there was always beer, wine, and booze around. it seemed natural to me me. at the age of 12. or 13, i moved from one side of town to the other, left my misfit friends, and hooked up with another. one friday night. i got drunk, got sick as the famous dog, did not feel pleasure. tried to sneek in the house. you cant do that with a italian mother, she new what happened, and said you shouldnt do that again. i say no way maw. one week later, yep, i drank again. only this time i didnt get sick. got a buzz, liked it, made me feel good, i felt at ease, and invincible. when the weekend came, i drank. was in a band, at the age of 14, was playing in a club, underage. i remember that night like it was yesterday. the waitress brought me a pitcher of beer, by the time the first set was done, the beer was finished, by me :shock: and by the end of the night, three more. and i wasn't drunk! i clearly remember thinking, well, i worked hard for that beer, and i deserve it. ### sound familiar?#### at the age of 14, my tollerance level to pain, booze and drugs, was over the top. and yes, drugs are a part of my story. tried everything known to mankind back then. i worked at a pharmacy back then, i think you know the rest. got'a lot'o people high from that job! ... ok, life marches on, i did the collage circut,and a lot of clubs with the band. my d & d'n was stil manigable at that point. without going through the drunk'o'log, and there was a plenty. i'm now 30, met a girl, got married. turned 40 got divorced, and by this point i knew that i "WAS" a alcoholic. i needed it to function, to cope, to stay a-float. fears, insecurities, low self esteem, the feelings of less then, were all part of my d & d'n life. from the age of 12, to the age of 48, i never once stoped, and i mean everyday! i used. the friends i made out of booze, and drugs, the ones that could make me happy, were slowly turning into my nightmare. by the time i wanted to stop, it was too late. oh, how i tried to make one day clean. just couldnt. the amount of effort i had to put into maintaining my high, was exausting. i wanted to kill myself. i remembered a guy in the rooms that used to hang with ### now 11 yrs'#### said if ya want to stop, i have a way. he say AA, and i say ut-agh!. one lonely, ugly, rain'y day. was sit'n in my store. yhe feelings of dispare, were overwelming. my business was shot, my car, helded together with duct-tape, a stack of bills, broke, living with a crackhead, but more importantly. i was emotionless. i could not laugh, cry, think, feel, nothing! i was numb! i wanted to die right then and there... then what i call reaching deep, deep, down into my soul. i wanted another chance at life. i did not want to die. by the way, i was also physicaly shot too. my liver, kidneys a mess. teeth rotting out. 45lbs, bloated, and yello! ok, now what? had no $$$, no insurance for rehab. then i remember that guy, and remembered three years prior, he gave me a little yello book to read. the book, its called "Living Sober" i had read it, identified with it, then put it away in the drawer. i dont know just what i was looking for, but when i opened the drawer, there was that book stareing right at me. hmmm, AA huh? wadda i got ta loose. i call the local intergroup office, a guys says to me, why there is a meeting right across the street from you tonight :shock: all theese years, help was right in front of me. i wasn't ready, not miserible enough, not banged up enough, not enough bruises. ok, i go to the meets. was a dark, smoked filled room, man, i felt at home, just like a nightclub. people came up to me, said hello, said all will be well, your in the right place. when it came time to introduce myself, i had no problem saying, Hi, i'm Patrick, and i'm a alcoholic. three days later, sti'l drinking by the way. i go to my bar, see the guy from AA, and tell him, hey, i went ta a meets. he say where ya go'n tanight? ### he knew no meets at that #### i say dunno? well now he puts the old step 12 into action, he never once said you have to do this, or that to me. but now, that i hit the rooms, he said your going to this meets tonight. i did, a whole different kinda place, the suit kind, nice cars, fancy cloates. clean place.. if went there first, dunno if stil be around. but the people, they treated me the same. handing out cards, being friendly. they also say, get a home group, and a sponser. so i made that group my home. its was not like the nightclub one, but felt this look alright, wadda i got too loose :wink: grab this pain in the ass that kept asking me "Ya get a Sponser Yey?" figure again, wadda gots to loose. he say Patrick, nice your coming around, going to meets, but one problem. Ya Got to Get a Sobriety Date! "Yikes!" well, all that know me, and to those that do not. i Detoxed myself, ouch! yup, was willing to die for one day sober. you can read about that, some other time. is now, almost three years clean for me, how'd i do it, yep, One Day at a Time. 90 days, 90 meets, calling my sponser everyday, hitting my knees in the morning, and night, reading, helping another alk'y, calling another alk'y, working the program to the best of my ability!, being honest with my self, and others, and cant forget good old Rule # 62, "Dont take myself to Damm Serious, yep, by, by, self-absorbsion. i remember a speaker once told her story, the women was dying of canser, her hubby left, her kids, disowned her, no job, living in a shelter. woe, heavy stuff, huh? the one thing she had was "Grace", she had a glow about her, made the room laugh, showed me that one can handle anything that life throws at us! you know what? that women gave me the bigest amount of hope that i could ask for. so now, i do have a lot of good things in my life, my health is back, or somewhat " old age :lol: " my business is growing, my innerself is at peace, i can handle things that used to baffle me ### love that #### i do have serenity, and by the way, sti'l rid'n on that Pink Cloud, and all that is to me"Step -3" its really more than that, but 3 is where its at for a quick fix :wink: i have true friends, a wonderfull recovery buddie" ### Sweetie, met in da rooms, one sugestion did not take :lol: ####. yep i have a life beyond my wildest dreams. i could go on, and on. but was taught anymore than 20-30min. then its about me! :lol: so thats my story, and i'm stick'n to it. i hope that if i gave just one person thats new, or anyone struggling, or coming back. some hope, that my job was well done. as i say, i would like to thank, TPTB, and all the friends of Bill W. may God guide you, and keep you! ... until then! bfn, and lots 'o xxxooo, your buddie in sobriety. Rusty Z, PC, or Patrick :wink: ps, and one more thing "its always more :lol: " if ya realy work the program, fasten you seatbelt, cuz ya in for the ride of yourlife :wink:
Last edited by Rusty Zipper on Sun Oct 30, 2005 9:38 pm, edited 2 times in total.
Rusty Zipper
 
Posts: 371
Joined: Fri Jul 29, 2005 11:19 pm
Location: My Room in CT.

Postby Dallas » Sun Oct 30, 2005 9:10 pm

Thank you for sharing Rusty Z, PC, Patrick, Buddy!!! Great job. Felt like you were telling my own story!!! I have lots and lots of things in common with you that I identify with. I always enjoy it when you share! Keep it up.

Dallas
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Postby JR » Mon Oct 31, 2005 12:18 am

PC,

You are a miracle!!! Thank you so much for sharing your story. You made me laugh and you definitely made me cry - cry for happy. You really touched my heart and soul. I'm so glad you are with us in the fellowship of the Spirit.

Love and XOXOX,

JR
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Postby Rusty Zipper » Mon Oct 31, 2005 12:26 am

Thank you JR! xoxo,and "Hope" PC
Rusty Zipper
 
Posts: 371
Joined: Fri Jul 29, 2005 11:19 pm
Location: My Room in CT.

personal stories

Postby julia » Wed Nov 16, 2005 12:20 pm

man this is frustrating, trying to learn how to use this site,,,,, I keep losing what I've written....... this is the 3rd try... Lets see if it'll work.
I'm TRYING to say Hi, and thanks to Dallas for the welcome, and to Rusty for your story--I wrote a long ass one yesterday and lost it trying to submit it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Darn. so good morning to you all, glad to be here I think. julie
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Postby Dallas » Wed Nov 16, 2005 12:25 pm

Julie, you're probably getting "timed out" while writing the message and then losing it... unless you're writing it before you get logged in. At the top of one, or some of the forums (can't remember which) there is a topic named "The case of the Vanishing Text" or something similar. It talks about it and gives some tips on how to avoid losing the message you're posting.

Anyhoot, really glad you made it in and got this one posted!!! I look forward to hearing a lot of sharing from you!

Just don't leave.

Dallas
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Postby Angel » Mon Nov 21, 2005 4:17 am

Hey, Rusty .. Buddy Old Pal.. :wink: Great story .betcha really wow 'em with that one.. :lol: Just wanted to say Hi to Julie..Don't give up, keep on trying, I get all screwed up too.. :roll: Maybe someday when I feel like typing (never) :x I'll tell my story... :roll: Love..Angel :D
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Postby Rusty Zipper » Mon Nov 21, 2005 12:09 pm

Hey Julia, welcome, and persrvarance, keep trying, no give up. i lost a few posts me self. on firefox, sometime i get timed out :shock: when ya git, maybe we here your srory? Hmmm? good wishes to ya. and AAAngel, cant wait ta here yours lmasso :lol: peace, Da Zip
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Posts: 371
Joined: Fri Jul 29, 2005 11:19 pm
Location: My Room in CT.

Postby MikeM1968 » Tue Jan 27, 2009 9:52 pm

I was definitely running low on second chances. I wasn't just burning bridges, I was going back to toss more gasoline on the fire so the foundations would be gone as-well!

I was just getting worse and worse, slowly. My pain and misery was only prolonged by temporary bouts of "functional alcoholism". I'd hold down a job for a few months, always starting off with the best intentions, only drinking on weekends. Then I'd get drunk on a sunday night and have to call-in the next morning. Over and over again losing good "career opportunities left and right. Some people broke out in handcuffs when they'd drink, I broke out in crutches. Never really sure (even to this day) what exactly happened. Black outs were just part of the territory. Finally evicted and jobless, I went to a shelter and started going to meetings. I was blessed with a very good first sponsor, who today is a very good friend.

He told me "look at your feet, you're right where you're supposed to be" and I was like "that's so stupid". One of the best things he passed-onto me. His sponsor told me to pray, and that I had to make myself "stupid" (humble and teachable). My sponsor assisted in getting me into a men's program, where I lived and breathed meetings and AA and the steps for 9 months. Got a job, started repairing the wreckage of my past, etc., etc. I became addicted to AA, and was very gung-ho. I also didn't realize how sick I still was. My ego was on full speed.

I was able to get a place, repair my credit, make my amends with the DMV and get my driving priviledge renewed. I went to meetings, took commitments, went through the steps, had different sponsors, sponsored men, lost jobs, got new jobs, had relationships, had relationships that ended, got a new car. The list goes on. Through all of this "stuff" I didn't drink. Someone finally told me "yeah, now you have a life" I have been truly blessed and can only give the credit to god and AA.

I can't say that I always feel as-if I have been sky-rocketed into a 4th dimension, as it says in the book, what I can say is that I definitely wouldn't want to feel the way I used to again. Like the whole world was going to collapse in on me at any second!! This definitely feels better. They said "stay until the miracle happens" and "it gets greater, later" and so I have, and I intend to.

What I had to learn is what sobriety is and what it isn't. And just like the hard-head I was before (and still am - progress, not perfection), I had to learn all about that the hard way. Sobriety isn't a guarantee of some perfect utopian lifestyle. God isn't going to grant me my wishes now because I no longer drink. I had that misconception in my own early recovery. Sobriety does not guarantee me anything tangible like the perfect girlfriend/job/car/house/credit/etc., etc.

I'm actually glad I was so delusional, because that kept me coming long enough to actually start doing the work so I could get a grip on reality and remain sober. They told me that when the pain got great enough I'd drink. Thank god I didn't drink, I started doing the work. I began to change. Finally I understood why I had to make myself "stupid". I was all ego in for my first two or three years. I lacked anything resembling teachability and humility. Now I like to keep my head with god and also where my feet are. Maybe that's the change they talk about, I'm not sure. The second I think I have this stuff figured out, my ego starts growing again. I gotta keep that in check at all times.

What sobriety is for me, is a chance at a life. My life was unmanageable. God and AA has helped me to be better able to manage life on life's terms without a drink. The obsession has lifted. Living life on life's terms has also helped me to see that I can actually be grateful for not getting many of those things which I thought I wanted. What I want now is definitely not what I wanted back then. There is something so much more precious about this gift, this steadiness and "calm" feeling, even in times of turmoil. Some call it "staying on the AA beam" and that's how I like to feel. Steady as she goes.

Mike
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