- All relationships seem different now.

All relationships seem different now.




A discussion of topics related to relationships in recovery and treatment

meetings for those who can't get to them.

Postby Dallas » Wed Aug 03, 2005 1:15 am

Crickit, I think it's great that you are going to get involved in volunteering to take meetings in to those who can't get to them.

During my first year sober, older AA members would take me with them to H & I Panels. That's "Hospitals & Institutions". We would go in and share our experience, strength and hope, and carry the message of AA to those who were confined. It was the best experience and best help I could have got.

After I had one year sober, I was able to get my own AA H&I Panels and take speakers and newcomers with me. All of the newcomers who got involved in H&I work stayed sober and eventually got their own Panels also.

My first Sponsor had polio. He was 17 years sober when he started sponsoring me. He was very active in AA, but when his polio started to get worse, he used what he had learned in AA and started a 12 Step Help program of people who had polio.

Eventually, his health got so bad that he is now bed ridden, and AA members take a meeting in to his house for him one day each week.

I guess, that's another example of how we receive what we need, and we get when we give.

New Every Moment!

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Postby crickit » Wed Aug 03, 2005 1:57 am

What I would like to see is more accessible meeting places. They are all in church basements and sometimes I just can't do the stairs. It makes me wonder what will happen when I'm wheelchair bound. I dread the thought of not being able to attend meetings. I often wonder how many others would like to go to meetings but can't because of accessibility.

Just a thought and something I will be definately looking into.

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Accessible meetings!

Postby Dallas » Wed Aug 03, 2005 8:21 am

Hey Crickit!!!

That's the neat thing about AA. Get through those steps, get your Big Book, a few newcomer's, a coffee pot, a wheel chair, and you can start your own AA meeting that's not in a basement!!!

That's called "becoming part of the solution!"

Or... you can move to Arkansas... we have meetings here without stairs!

Of course, many other places have meetings without stairs, too.

Keep coming back... and stay out of the wheel chair until you absolutely need one! A suggestion would be: Start pushing someone else's wheel chair until you need one. Then, Life just might decide that it would be best to keep you out of one so that you can be the pusher of others!!!

KCB

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Postby crickit » Wed Aug 03, 2005 3:27 pm

Keep coming back... and stay out of the wheel chair until you absolutely need one! A suggestion would be: Start pushing someone else's wheel chair until you need one. Then, Life just might decide that it would be best to keep you out of one so that you can be the pusher of others!!!


Dallas, you never cease to amaze me. Before going on disability, that's exactly what I did. I worked for Community Living, assisting disabled adults in all area's of daily living. I think that's why it scares me to be disabled. I know how bad it can get. I need to start living in today....thanks again for the advise. Always an eye opener for me.

happy 24 hours
Crickit

P.S. We live in a small town but because of the number of people here with disabilities, we do have wheeltrans. There is no reason that people with disabilities couldn't go to a meeting if the venue was accessable. Definately a thought for the future.
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Assisted Living

Postby Dallas » Wed Aug 03, 2005 4:07 pm

Hey Crickit. Ditto!!! You amaze me, too!

Our Book tells us "If we are painstaking about this phase of our development, ... we will be amazed before we are half way though" Page 83.

Of course, that refers to Step 9, but you're getting there!!!

Maybe you could take meetings in to Assisted Living Centers... I'll bet you could find some sober members of AA in there... who haven't been to a meeting in a long time because they can't get out to a meeting. And... I'll bet you could dig up a newcomer or two in there, also!

Talk to some of your AA buddies... and see if they would be interested in doing it with you. I'm sure it would be lot's of fun and very rewarding for you and others.

KCB

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Postby crickit » Wed Aug 03, 2005 5:06 pm

I've actually already talked to the person that heads up the shut in meetings and will work closely with him. Being only 5 1/2 months sober I still have a lot to learn before I take on anything myself. But little by little, one day at a time, I'm getting out there. But I will certainly mention the assisted living centers to my fellow members. Who would have ever though that helping others would help myself. I feel so damn good today it's almost scary. I feel like I'm missing something. Oh well, I'm enjoying it while I can LOL.

I'll keep you all posted on the outreach program. I'm really looking forward to getting started

HAPPY 24 HOURS
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Off of the topic

Postby Dallas » Thu Aug 04, 2005 4:50 am

:oops: Oops!!! Looks like I got way off the topic... of the original post in this forum.

I guess I need to watch that better, or our visitors will think I'm drinking!!!

Please help me if you see me doing this in the future, and let me know if my messages are getting off the topic. !!!

Thank you,

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Postby crickit » Sat Aug 06, 2005 11:35 pm

No problem Dallas. I'll get it back on topic for anyone who would like an update on my relationship with hubby read on.

Hubby and I have more or less decided to work on our own stuff and more or less go our own way. Well while we are still in the house he comes here on the weekends and sleeps on the couch. We talk like everythings normal, like we are freinds or something. And today he went fishing?? Who knows. But that's not the strange part.

At the beginning of the summer my cockatiel got loose outside and I never could get him back. I was very upset because I only had the bird for 5 months but we had grown very attached. I let him fly loose in the house because he never left my side. He would fly around a bit then land on my shoulder. I also had a dog that died just before christmas of a severe uterine infection. Her uterus was full of puss and the vet tried to get the infection down before they could operate but a couple of days later she died by my bed side after having a massive seizure. I was so distraught for day and kept having nightmare about seeing her seizure and dieing so violently. Anyway, last week I went to pick up hubby to give him the car on Friday. He dropped me off and went out. No big deal. He came back an hour later with a new cockatiel. He spent the weekend here, coming and going and slept on the couch. Now yesterday, I picked him up and he had another surprise. An 8 mth old female boxer mix who is absolutely adorable. I fell in love with her right away. Hubby said he knew I would. So then I started to wonder, 'what's all this about'. Are they guilt presents, does he want something from me, is he trying to get back together or what. But last night, he slept on the couch and let today at noon to go fishing. So nothing has changed. He has rented me an apt at the end of the month and has promised to pay my rent and to give me the car during the week. There has been no talk about getting back together but there's no talk of actually seperating either. So when I move at the end of the month I have no idea if he plans on continue this way. Being at work during the week and coming home on weekends. But not coming home as in being my hubby. Just using the place for somewhere to keep his things. He still comes and goes as do I. I'm afraid to bring up the conversation with him for fear he'll get angry. I have to depend on him financially and I'm afraid if he gets angry he will leave me high and dry. The situation is no where near affecting my sobriety. It's just very confusing. It's hard just to accept the way things are today, when I don't really know how the way things are. I haven't had a chance to talk to my sponsor about this because she's out of town this weekend so I thought I would post it here and see what you guys think. The funny thing is I've been watching him change over the last two weeks and I guess I'm just a little cynical as to why. I don't want to force him into making a decission one way or another because I wouldn't want him to do that to me. Part of me wants to be able to just make a clean break and move on. There has just been too much that has gone on to repair the damage done as far as I'm concerned. On the other hand, part of me thinks that he is working through some of his crap and there still might be a chance.

Anyway, I've ramble on enough. I have a huge headache from thinking about this too much. I'm not use to him being so nice LOL. So if anyone has some advise I'd sure like to here it. Next week I have a whole week of doctors apt's for myself and I have to be able to focus on that. Too much stress for me can be physically disabling. The week after that my sister gets her results from her CT scan on Friday to see if the cancer has moved to her brain. During all of this I have to start packing and making arangements for the move. Gods, grant me serentity but please hurry LOL. I'd really like to get off this roller coaster now.

Hope everyone is having a good weekend,
HAPPY 24 HOURS
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Postby Dallas » Sun Aug 07, 2005 6:52 am

Hey Crickit, good to hear from you.

Regardless of what your husband does or doesn't do, you've got to stay sober and do what you have to do.

It sounds like you're taking his inventory instead of your own. And, it sounds like you're looking for his "causes and conditions" instead of searching for your own.

If you want to stay sober, happy, joyous and free... there is a condition to it. It's called "working your own 12 Steps" and not trying to take them for someone else.

First things first: Your sponsor is out of town. Put your mind and actions on hold, if you have to, until your sponsor is back in town, and then, talk to her about it. Then, if she gives you suggestions and directions, follow them instead of trying to negotiate with her.

You mentioned before, that you had two sponsors. Are they both out of town?

Second: When is the last time that you've been to a meeting? You didn't mention that in your post. Did you share about it in the meeting? If you did, what was the feedback that you got?

Keep coming back. Keep it simple. You can't take care of someone else if you're not taking care of yourself. In AA, when we work "our own recovery program" we get better. And, for some reason... unknown to us, other's seem to bet better on their own.... without our help. Maybe, they have their own Higher Power, and we're not it?

Take care. Read the book. Call your sponsor. Go to a meeting. Simple.

Dallas
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Postby crickit » Sun Aug 07, 2005 11:10 am

Maybe, they have their own Higher Power, and we're not it?


Thanks again Dallas. You always seem to know what to say. Being a wife, mother and caregiver for so long I tend to forget that I can't fix everthing. That's what sent me to the bottle in the first place.

I went to a meeting but didn't bring it up. It's not my usuall meeting so I felt uncomfortable bringing it up. Yes both sponsors are unavailable this weekend. I'm meeting with both of them tonight. But I think you've already said it. I'm trying to work out his inventory. Why do I keep trying to do that. Does the urge to do that ever go away??

I do enjoy my new pets so I guess it doesn't matter why they are here right as long as I keep my head screwed on and accept things the way they are without trying to analyze it to death. I may need to hear that reminder a few more times LOL

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