thanx_2hm wrote:I don't have anything to offer here to either of you except prayers. I don't know how to work through anything yet or about spiritual experiences. Right now I feel so helpless
"Except prayers" is the best thing you can offer anyone. I appreciate your prayers. Don't think for a minute you don't have "anything" to offer, either. Don't believe that thought because it's just not true.
I hope you can trust me on this. Right at this very minute, you have EVERYTHING to offer Sunlight, me, or anyone else. If I could trade you every year of my sobriety for your one today, if it would keep you sober, I would do it in a heartbeat. You have every single thing to offer that I have. Please try to accept this.
There is one simple thing to do. It's the same thing I'm doing today, and "working" with this "circumstance" that happened my way. I'm LOOKING for the things I already know are there that will make today the absolute best day of my existance. My job today is only to start LOOKING and FINDING. That's what sobriety is for me - it's a "treasure hunt" every single day. Some days I have to look a little bit harder, and some days my "attitude" gets in the way, but as long as I SEEK and LOOK for things that will help me to help others, my sobriety is LOCKED - it won't come loose today.
Everything you need, Julie, is there for you too. You probably can't see it right now, and that's only because you probably haven't started looking beyond yourself. I'm not saying that to be mean. I was where you are for a long time. What it was like for me was like having a tall fence around myself. It worked pretty good to keep anything good or bad from coming in, but it also worked to keep me from getting out.
I had to make a decision to get off my butt which became accustomed to that soft and comfortable couch - which was my attitude of being the "victim" of life. It was a comfortable couch because I didn't need to do anything other than sit there and be comfortable.
So I had to get up and stretch a little, look at that fence, and decide I'm gonna try to climb over it. This REALLY was easy, but I was convinced it was hard. How do I know it was easy? Because I always climbed that fence whenever I was DRUNK. Drinking used to always work at "getting me out of me" - it was the solution.
Then I had to put one foot in front of the other and walk toward the fence. I had to do this while my "feelings" and "thoughts" (in other words "my will") were doing everything they could to talk me back into going the other way, back to my comfortable couch. I had to ask for help because I needed a Power greater than myself to keep my feet moving while my mind was set against recovery. I know this isn't easy for you because it wasn't easy for me to look beyond myself. It went against everything I believed up to that day. And I think you know about "that day" from a PM you got a while back.
"If you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change."
My buddy Fred taught me this one, and I'm offering it to you at no charge!
Dallas made such a beautiful point that made so much sense that I took it to heart and pass it on anytime I'm asked to speak at a meeting. He said he had a "relationship" with his recovery and his sobriety. That was so profound to me, and it started sinking in. Now this was only a short time ago (you can find his post).
I started looking at my sobriety and recovery as a "relationship". I wasn't on a "plateau" like you mentioned, but I knew if I started looking at recovery and sobriety as a relationship, I knew there was always something I can do to make it better and more fun and more fulfilling. That "relationship" was there all along, but I never saw it that way until I started LOOKING for it. There is a guidline on the bottom of page 14 that tells me how to have a relationship with my recovery.
"For if an alcoholic failed to perfect and enlarge his spiritual life through work and self-sacrifice for others, he could not survive the certain trials and low spots ahead."
"Work and self-sacrifice for others" is the building block for my relationship with my recovery and sobriety.
I LOVE SOBRIETY!
What a relationship this is growing into! So if you're bored or "stagnant", give this "relationship" idea a try.
Thanks again for being Julie today, your thoughts and prayers are apprceiated.