Step 10 Promises

[Dallas]

Hello Barbara,

Welcome to the site!!! Glad to have you here. And, thank you for taking the time to share and participate with us! I appreciate you.

I had some stuff in my past that I really struggled with. Once in a while something will still resurface. But for the most part, most of my struggles are with things of today. The new things... like when I've been unkind, unthoughtful, inconsiderate, not shown enough tolerance or understanding or patience with someone.

When I was about five years sober... I had one of those really horrible memories of the past surface... and it really did a number on me until I was able to use our tools on it. Then, down the road... the getting through that negative experience was something that I was able to share with many others who had been down the same road. It's really amazing how this deal works!!!

Best regards to you,

Dallas

[garden variety]

Hey Dallas, I gotta tell you about these promises and how they really came to life for me over the past week. Man I really got to thank you for bringing these things up because they are all stuffed away hiding in the Big Book, and nobody reads them out loud at meetings but they really should be.

It was the Labor Day weekend, and a buddy I known for some 30 years was coming over to visit because my son asked him and some of his friends over for a cookout. My buddy isn't an alcoholic, and either is my son. There was a few other friends of my son coming over too, and his girlfriend.

My buddy asks me if its OK to bring some beer, because he knows I'm an alcoholic, and he didn't want to be rude. I think about it and feel a little uneasy, but I go over the facts in my mind. Here's a bunch of people that want to have a few drinks socially over the holidays. If nobody else is an alcoholic but me, and I don't drink, well that means the police aren't coming over, windows won't get broken, nobody gets beat up, and nobody goes to jail. I took a chance and said OK.

My buddy brings over a case, and their all cooking out and shooting the breeze, and I'm stuck on the computer for a while. I go out and walk the dogs, and we eats, and then shot the breeze. My son and his girl, and his friends disappear, and my buddy and me just wind down and play with the dogs. He's a real dog lover and teaches me everthing I know about those mangy creatures, and he is good with them.

I'm putting my dishes in the sink, and my buddy opens the fridge to get a last beer. I look and I can't figure out how come there's still a boatload of full bottles there. I said you gotta take that home. There was 14 beers left out of a case of 24. There was 4 people there drinking, so that works out to 2-3 beers a person. It's 11 O'clock, everybody has already gone home, and there's 14 beers left. Get this - he even says he's gonna stick around an hour just to be sure his blood alcohol was not illegal - after 3 beers over the whole night.

He goes home, and my son comes back with his girl and his other buddy. I told him my buddy took the leftover beer home except for two he couldn't fit back into the box. My son takes the two, gives one to his friend, starts on the other one, and says "good we don't need it around here". I just scratched my head and said boy aint this a peculiar thing?

Things would have turned out mighty different if I was drinking. First there wouldn't have been 14 beers left, then I'd be getting all fired up at 11 O'clock ready to party more. If somebody took the leftover beer home, I'd get mad. Then there'd be fighting, blood, police, and handcuffs. The thing that was strange about it was, the outcome of that night was in my hands, and if anyone could have screwed things up, it WASN'T my son, his friends, or my buddy or ANYONE ELSE...it would have been YOURS TRULY!

The only "fear" I had was somebody else getting as drunk as I know I would have, and all hell breaking loose. But that never happened. I was totally fine with everything and everybody. I didn't have the slightest urge to drink, and I didn't feel bad because I couldn't drink. And why I felt good about it was that I know I could drink, that nothing was stopping me, but I made the SANE choice given as a gift to all us alcoholics to leave it all alone. I realized my sanity has been restored, and there was no urge, desire, or feeling like I missed something. Because of the AA program of recovery, and a Higher Power, I was not powerless on that holiday celebration. And nobody even got drunk, and we all got along and had a regular SANE holiday like normal people, even while alcohol was in the midst.

I tell you what Dallas, those promises are VERY REAL and TRUE. Thanks again for the reminder...it makes the blessing of Sobriety more beautiful.

[Jim W]

There is enough in a few paragraphs in pages 84-88 to keep me busy and excited and on my toes the rest of my life. And I've just barely scratched the surface. Now that's exciting to me!
Jim

[garden variety]

I bumped this up because this is a thread Dallas taught me from scratch. It was amazing at the time he put it out here. But it's more amazing today. Lord have mercy, I've changed so much since this was posted - especially my attitude toward my furry friends. It's almost embarassing to remember those times I cussed those girls out.

There are still times today when I do start fussing at them and use a few choice words, but something inside me has changed even more then back then - I've learned how sensitive those pooches are. Today they aren't "mangy mutts" - they're big, lovable and VERY sensitive girls. I had some "training" since then which went a long way to a better understanding of how dogs communicate. But I've also experienced these "Step 10 Promises" on a regular basis.

I'm still being "amazed". I LOVE SOBRIETY!

Thanks brother for having the patience to "live and let live" while teaching me and my stubborn butt about these "promises" that still go unnoticed by a lot of folks including long-timers.

Also, my dear friend, CONGRATULATIONS on your 22nd Birthday on November 14.

God bless you Dallas, with all my love and respect.
Paul

[Dallas]

Thanks Paul!!!

I appreciate you.

Dallas

[GeoffS]

We will see that our new attitude toward liquor has been given us without any thought or effort on our part. It just comes! That is the miracle of it. We are not fighting it, neither are we avoiding temptation.

This is an issue that I've seen newcomers and relapsers struggle around.

In early days we seem to think that with time we just get better (or stronger) at avoiding temptation, or we are better at fighting alcohol. This continued focus on avoidance and fighting exhausts us and we fail to grow along spiritual lines, and the obsession is never removed.

Taking the described actions and steps may be hard but it is nowhere near as hard as fighting alcoholism every day and fighting temptation. The steps and actions of AA change our attitudes to everything, alcohol included, and we view things in a different way. I love Clancy's description of it as a disease of perception.

The big book tells us that if we follow the recipe it contains and concentrate on those actions, almost as a side effect alcohol ceases to be a solution. God does that

[Dallas]

Thanks Geoff,

Nice reminder.

I'll add a little more from the following page:

"We react sanely and normally, and we will find that this has
happened automatically. We will see that our new attitude
toward liquor has been given us without any thought
or effort on our part. It just comes! That is the miracle
of it. We are not fighting it, neither are we avoiding
temptation. We feel as though we had been placed in a
position of neutrality—safe and protected. We have not
even sworn off. Instead, the problem has been removed.
It does not exist for us. We are neither cocky nor are we
afraid. That is our experience. That is how we react so
long as we keep in fit spiritual condition.

It is easy to let up on the spiritual program of action
and rest on our laurels. We are headed for trouble if we
do, for alcohol is a subtle foe. We are not cured of alcoholism.
What we really have is a daily reprieve contingent
on the maintenance of our spiritual condition."

We often hear things like "don't leave before the miracle happens." Yet, it isn't followed up with "the miracle happens at Step 10, of our Spiritual Solution. And, the clock is ticking in regards to your next drunk. The next drink just comes -- and you'll have no effective mental defense against it -- so, if you are interested in sobriety and recovery -- you might be interested in our Steps to recovery. That's where we're connected to the Power and the defense against the next drink!"

Sometimes, AA's that have been around for a while join in with the newcomers -- and with extra emphasis in trying to focus on methods to prevent taking the next drink that they forget that the poor newcomer is without a defense against the next first drink -- until they apply our spiritual solution that will provide a personality and perception transformation sufficient enough to recover from alcoholism.

This seems to be where AA today -- differs from the early AA of 1935 to the early 1940's -- the emphasis was more on taking the Steps and doing the actions to recover -- more than it was in avoiding the next drink and going to 90 meetings in 90 days. (As if meetings were the solution). Most of the AA's that were recovering in the early days of AA -- were extremely lucky if they had one meeting per week, or two weeks, or in some cases none! (Until they could find another alkie to help).

That's the miracle of it -- that is our experience. It's what the book tells us that our experience is -- yet, how easy it is to fall into the trap of sharing our experience, strength and hope -- that we neglect to share the miracle experience of the 12 Steps.

Dallas

[kidlizard]

I'm finding the more I go along, the less things end up in that "bad side" of the balance sheet. Sometimes theres nothing there which is nice, and I think God is amazed them times too.

GV, could you please explain to me your "balance sheet" Ive never heard of this, and am currently on the 10th step. From what I understand the 10th step is an attempt to be God conscience and when we felt "foul" to take a small inventory to right the wrong.

[garden variety]

Hi kidlizard,

I do step 10 sometimes differently each night. Sometimes I write it out like the 4th step inventory exactly like in "How it Works" if I'm feeling disturbed or anxious about a person, place, circumstance or thing. Sometimes I use a "nightly review" format that I got from a priest that is based on the Spiritual Exercises of St. Ignatius of Loyola.

But I always at least try to list things in two columns - You can use a blank sheet of any kind of paper. Fold it in half. Title column one: CONSTRUCTIVE ACTIONS. Then title column two DESTRUCTIVE BEHAVIOR. Then I reflect on my whole day starting from when I wake up. I've heard this called the "Ben Franklin" list, too. But I list everything that was positive or selfless constructive actions I took throughout the day in the first column. I also list destructive actions or BEHAVIOR (like "pouting" or "stewing"). That's what I meant by a "balance sheet".

I then see what I'm doing the most of - in black and white - and pray about things that stand out, good or bad. You might not believe it, but sometimes column two is empty! But the thing is, I don't know it until the end of the day, so I don't get a swollen head. I also remember I can't live today on yesterday's sobriety, so the whole thing starts a-new the next day.

Hope this helps.

[kidlizard]

Garden Variety,

Thanks, this helped quite a bit. What a great idea Im going to give it a try. I also liked what you said about starting a-new the next day. Ive noticed Ive been comparing todays soberiety to yesterdays or the days before.

I have to admit lately my soberiety has been somewhat difficult to "figure" out. I hope this makes sense but lately it feels like its been hard work. I know Im probably making it harder that it should be but for some reason I feel like Im missing something.

I dunno.....anyways thanks for the tips. Ill let you know how it goes.

Have a Great Day!!!