- A step 4--NOW HAS ALL 4 COLUMNS

A step 4--NOW HAS ALL 4 COLUMNS




12 Steps: Discussions related to the 12 Steps and using them as a treatment to recover from alcohol and drug addiction.

Postby Dallas » Tue Nov 18, 2008 9:59 pm

Thanks. Those are great examples!! :wink:
Dallas
Site Admin
 
Posts: 4781
Joined: Thu Jul 28, 2005 9:05 pm
Location: Fort Smith, Arkansas USA

Postby sunlight » Wed Nov 19, 2008 3:51 pm

Good going, Geoffs.

My 2nd sponsor had me do my 2nd column a lot like your example. She told me to let it all out, just let 'er rip & rant & rave till I was exhausted.
It was kind of fun to write, "That rotten, no good SOB..." :evil:

Thank you for being so innovative with this project!
sunlight
 
Posts: 597
Joined: Wed Sep 10, 2008 12:03 pm
Location: Denver Co

Column 3

Postby GeoffS » Wed Nov 26, 2008 8:47 pm

Apologies for the delay, but here we go!!!

Column 3

The BB says.

Creation gave us instincts for a purpose. Without them we wouldn't be complete human beings. If men and women didn't exert themselves to be secure in their persons, made no effort to harvest food or construct shelter, there would be no survival. If they didn't reproduce, the earth wouldn't be populated. If there were no social instinct, if men cared nothing for the society of one another, there would be no society. So these desires--for the sex relation, for material and emotional security, and for companionship--are perfectly necessary and right, and surely God-given. Yet these instincts, so necessary for our existence, often far exceed their proper functions. Powerfully, blindly, many times subtly, they drive us, dominate us, and insist upon ruling our lives. Our desires for sex, for material and emotional security, and for an important place in society often tyrannize us. When thus out of joint, man's natural desires cause him great trouble, practically all the trouble there is. No human being, however good, is exempt from these troubles. Nearly every serious emotional problem can be seen as a case of misdirected instinct. When that happens, our great natural assets, the instincts, have turned into physical and mental liabilities.

For column 3 I was taught that we put down which of our instincts are affected, or under threat in the situations written in the first 2 columns.

I have put in brackets my thinking on why these instincts may be affected each time. PLEASE feel free to comment where you think I may have missed something or there could be other ways the instincts are affected.

Please comment on anything you think relevant

Column 1
My ex-partner
Column 2
Threw me out the house with nothing including lots of items from my family, sentimental things now that my parents passed on. Didn't return any even after divorce
Column 3 (Affects my)

Self esteem – (She doesn’t want me I must be no good, everyone will think I’m bad/worthless, I don’t want pitied)
Personal Relations (I’ve screwed up one relationship, maybe I will do more. I’ve lost a connection to a friend, my other friendships are changed depending on who they choose, friends may be awkward around me)
Material Security (Lost the house, the contents, the money, I have to fend for myself, she took all the family stuff)
Emotional Security (No-one cares for me any more, I have no assurance of love)
Sex Relations (I’m on my own, I’ll never share that again)
Ambitions ( I will never be part of the great couple I should be in, no-one will give us credit as fantastic parents in the future)

Column 1
The tax office
Column2
Relentlessly bill me for tax based on one year I made more money than usual. They take the interest on it then pay me back at the end of the year
Column 3 (Affects my)

Material Security (I can’t buy all I want with less money, I have to spend my time effort and money to claim it back)
Ambitions (how will I be rich with them taking my money, how can I afford to do all the amazing things someone like me should be doing)


Column 1
My former boss
Column 2
Sacked me after a charade of a review and did not realise I had problems outside the job
Column 3 (Affects My)

Self Esteem (how can he do that to the great ME. Even my job wants rid of me I must be no good)
Personal Relations (I can’t talk to anyone from there again, what will my partner/kids friends think of me unemployed)
Material Security (No job no money, how can I live)
Ambition (No job, how can I be a success now? People won’t respect the great ME, how will I make money to buy things to show off how good I am doing?)

Column 1
My current partner
Column 2
Overly critical, expects me to be perfect now I've put down the drink
Column 3 (Affects my)

Self Esteem (Its no good always being made to feel wrong or stupid, I am perfect)
Personal Relationships (Its hard to be happy with someone when they pick fault all the time, don’t want to be around them, if I am feeling and acting hurt all the time I’ll react and they won’t want to be round me anyway)
Material security (can’t feel comfortable with my possessions if they are being judged all the time)
Emotional Security (I can’t accept someone who can’t accept me, they can’t love me if they are always against me; don’t they realise how well I am doing, and how new and puzzling and difficult this recovery thing is)
Sex relations (finding fault puts me right off being around them)
Ambition (how can I succeed in my recovery and anything if I am being constantly undermined)

Column 1
The men who burgled my house
Column 2
They took valuables, both financial and sentimental and violated my space, I want them dead.
Column 3 (Affects My)

Self Esteem ( I cant be much good for letting people invade our home, I cant protect my family and home, I must retaliate)
Personal Relationships (I distrust people, argue with the family about what happened)
Material Security (My home is not safe, my possessions are not safe)
Ambitions ( I can’t go forward with all my things stolen, cant pass valuables on to kids)


Ok over to everyone
GeoffS
 
Posts: 365
Joined: Tue Nov 13, 2007 7:55 pm
Location: Australia

Postby garden variety » Wed Nov 26, 2008 11:45 pm

AWESOME!
garden variety
 
Posts: 750
Joined: Fri Aug 04, 2006 7:39 pm
Location: Ohio

Postby sunlight » Thu Nov 27, 2008 1:05 am

This is totally fantastic alcoholic thinking in the 4th step!

It could have been me writing this, especially the "Great me" part, because I am so blooming special & nobody sees it & screw them anyway & who needs them? because any day they're going to give me an award just for breathing! :x

Gosh, you got me going! I think I'm going to do a 4th step on that resentment that passed my way the other day & the one that's nipping at my ankles.

Thanks, Geoffs. Happy Thanksgiving from the US of AA!
sunlight
 
Posts: 597
Joined: Wed Sep 10, 2008 12:03 pm
Location: Denver Co

Postby Dallas » Thu Nov 27, 2008 2:32 am

GeoffS wrote:The BB says.

Creation gave us instincts for a purpose. Without them we wouldn't be complete human beings. If men and women didn't exert themselves to be secure in their persons, made no effort to harvest food or construct shelter, there would be no survival. If they didn't reproduce, the earth wouldn't be populated. If there were no social instinct, if men cared nothing for the society of one another, there would be no society. So these desires--for the sex relation, for material and emotional security, and for companionship--are perfectly necessary and right, and surely God-given. Yet these instincts, so necessary for our existence, often far exceed their proper functions. Powerfully, blindly, many times subtly, they drive us, dominate us, and insist upon ruling our lives. Our desires for sex, for material and emotional security, and for an important place in society often tyrannize us. When thus out of joint, man's natural desires cause him great trouble, practically all the trouble there is. No human being, however good, is exempt from these troubles. Nearly every serious emotional problem can be seen as a case of misdirected instinct. When that happens, our great natural assets, the instincts, have turned into physical and mental liabilities.


That isn't in the Big Book. :wink:
Dallas
Site Admin
 
Posts: 4781
Joined: Thu Jul 28, 2005 9:05 pm
Location: Fort Smith, Arkansas USA

Postby GeoffS » Thu Nov 27, 2008 6:56 am

Dallas wrote:
GeoffS wrote:The BB says.


That isn't in the Big Book. :wink:


Thats why I dont usually attempt to quote literature!!

Can I have another guess and say 12 x 12.
GeoffS
 
Posts: 365
Joined: Tue Nov 13, 2007 7:55 pm
Location: Australia

Postby Jools » Thu Nov 27, 2008 8:39 am

Geoff, thanx for doing this. When my sponsor "allows" me to do the 4th step this will come really help me.

Very selfless of you to take the time to do this so no apologies for delays.

*sending some turkey and fixin's down under*

Hugs,
Julie
Jools
 
Posts: 267
Joined: Thu Sep 18, 2008 8:50 am
Location: Wilmington NC

Postby Dallas » Thu Nov 27, 2008 1:18 pm

Hey GeoffS! I figured that it was just a typo! :wink:

It's really awesome to meet another human being, like you... that has made at least one misquote, mistake or typo!!! I don't feel so unique now! I make so many of them... that I was beginning to think that I really am different from ALL the others! :lol: :lol:

Don't allow me to interrupt you... we need at least one person willing to act like the incorrible newcomer that keeps us on our toes, by asking questions or checking our work. For me, it helps me grow. It forces me to keep checking my work. And, that results in a better life for me and helps me develop better abilities to help the "hard-to-get-to people"!

Thanks again, Geoff, you're doing a great job and it's appreciated!

Dallas
Dallas
Site Admin
 
Posts: 4781
Joined: Thu Jul 28, 2005 9:05 pm
Location: Fort Smith, Arkansas USA

Postby GeoffS » Mon Dec 01, 2008 12:18 am

I have added column 4. I hope people can follow my reasoning as to how I arrived at my part in things?
Also I was always taught that I can be selfish/dishonest etc about the creating of the resentment not just my part in the event or the exchange that happened. Indeed the events themselves really don’t matter. I just need to see where I act in these negative ways.
Can anyone add any more that I may have missed? Please feel free.

Please feel free to comment/ask questions/criticise that’s why we are here.


Column 1
My ex-partner
Column 2
Threw me out the house with nothing including lots of items from my family, sentimental things now that my parents passed on. Didn't return any even after divorce
Column 3 (Affects my)

Self esteem – (She doesn’t want me I must be no good, everyone will think I’m bad/worthless, I don’t want pitied)
Personal Relations (I’ve screwed up one relationship, maybe I will do more. I’ve lost a connection to a friend, my other friendships are changed depending on who they choose, friends may be awkward around me)
Material Security (Lost the house, the contents, the money, I have to fend for myself, she took all the family stuff)
Emotional Security (No-one cares for me any more, I have no assurance of love)
Sex Relations (I’m on my own, I’ll never share that again)
Ambitions ( I will never be part of the great couple I should be in, no-one will give us credit as fantastic parents in the future)

Column 4 (Where was I--) MY PART
Selfish – only thinking about me in this situation
Frightened – having to face up to myself, being alone, standing up for myself, admitting that I may have any part in the situation
Selfish and dishonest- I expect them to behave how I assume they should
Inconsiderate – how has my behaviour made them have to act to survive with it
Dishonest to expect them to be fair towards me after years of my unfair treatment of them
Selfish/Dishonest expecting them to do what I want
Dishonest to think people will pity me, they probably think they did the right thing getting rid of me. Dishonest to play god in deciding how others think and act
Dishonest to believe everyone in the world will judge me the way one other person does
Self seeking wanting to be part of a couple as it would make me look good, playing the victim – how dishonest


Column 1
The tax office
Column2
Relentlessly bill me for tax based on one year I made more money than usual. They take the interest on it then pay me back at the end of the year
Column 3 (Affects my)

Material Security (I can’t buy all I want with less money, I have to spend my time effort and money to claim it back)
Ambitions (how will I be rich with them taking my money, how can I afford to do all the amazing things someone like me should be doing)

Column 4 (Where was I--) MY PART

Selfish- were the tax office following procedure or aiming this just at me
Self seeking/dishonest poor me, nasty tax office picking on me, if I whine enough will you like me
Self seeking- its my money I want it now
Dishonest – its all their fault, I couldn’t possibly have filled in the form to change the details – no not the great me. Dishonestly acting like the victim
Selfish, why should I take the time to act and help the situation when I can do nothing and have a good complain



Column 1
My former boss
Column 2
Sacked me after a charade of a review and did not realise I had problems outside the job
Column 3 (Affects My)

Self Esteem (how can he do that to the great ME. Even my job wants rid of me I must be no good)
Personal Relations (I can’t talk to anyone from there again, what will my partner/kids friends think of me unemployed)
Material Security (No job no money, how can I live)
Ambition (No job, how can I be a success now? People won’t respect the great ME, how will I make money to buy things to show off how good I am doing?)

Column 4 (Where was I--) MY PART

Selfish – the organisation is not there purely to benefit me and my needs
Selfish thinking they did it to ME and not that that is how anyone displaying my inappropriate attendance/work would have been treated
Inconsiderate – had my lack of work harmed the organisation at all
Selfish it was purely about me, nothing to do with what’s best for the organisation
Self seeking I only wanted the job as it is an esteemed organisation
Dishonest to believe they should help me if I don’t keep my end of the bargain
Frightened to tell them why I wasn’t performing, then they may have helped
Dishonest playing the victim


Column 1
My current partner
Column 2
Overly critical, expects me to be perfect now I've put down the drink
Column 3 (Affects my)

Self Esteem (Its no good always being made to feel wrong or stupid, I am perfect)
Personal Relationships (Its hard to be happy with someone when they pick fault all the time, don’t want to be around them, if I am feeling and acting hurt all the time I’ll react and they won’t want to be round me anyway)
Material security (can’t feel comfortable with my possessions if they are being judged all the time)
Emotional Security (I can’t accept someone who can’t accept me, they can’t love me if they are always against me; don’t they realise how well I am doing, and how new and puzzling and difficult this recovery thing is)
Sex relations (finding fault puts me right off being around them)
Ambition (how can I succeed in my recovery and anything if I am being constantly undermined)

Column 4 (Where was I--) MY PART

Dishonest - I am not perfect and infallible
Dishonest – is it criticism or attempts to help
Dishonest/inconsiderate perhaps if I did better there wouldn’t be so many things that needed corrected
Inconsiderate maybe my behaviour in the past needed to be criticised and bad things pointed out to me to get anything done. Perhaps living with an alcoholic made that style successful
Selfish (dishonest) – an attempt to suggest an alternative or easier way of doing things is not a criticism of the great me
Self seeking – if they stop criticising I can comfortably go around justifying to myself that I am perfect
Selfish – dishonest do you think they like having to do any of this
Selfish-dishonest I have never told them I feel like this, so how can I expect them to think we need to work it out
Selfish – dishonest If they can’t accept all of me and all of my behaviour could it be just maybe that I am the one that might need to change
Selfish dishonest – blaming someone else for my feeling bad when they react to something bad I do.
Dishonest – selfish-inconsiderate how can I blame others for finding fault when there are so many to find and you don’t have to look too hard

Column 1
The men who burgled my house
Column 2
They took valuables, both financial and sentimental and violated my space, I want them dead.
Column 3 (Affects My)

Self Esteem ( I cant be much good for letting people invade our home, I cant protect my family and home, I must retaliate)
Personal Relationships (I distrust people, argue with the family about what happened)
Material Security (My home is not safe, my possessions are not safe)
Ambitions ( I can’t go forward with all my things stolen, cant pass valuables on to kids)

Column 4 (Where was I--) MY PART

Dishonest – to expect people to behave with the same respect for the law as I do
Dishonest – They didn’t do it to hurt me, they were probably desperate
Inconsiderate – were they spiritually sick, like me should I treat them as other sick people and not hate them
Dishonest to believe I could have stopped them
Self seeking using bad events to make people feel sorry for me/like me –manipulating their feelings
GeoffS
 
Posts: 365
Joined: Tue Nov 13, 2007 7:55 pm
Location: Australia

PreviousNext

Return to 12 Steps

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: Google [Bot] and 1 guest









.








12 Step Alcohol and Drug Addiction Recovery | - A step 4--NOW HAS ALL 4 COLUMNS