- Loved one who is sick, but also drinking

Loved one who is sick, but also drinking




A discussion of topics related to relationships in recovery and treatment

Postby garden variety » Thu Nov 20, 2008 5:18 pm

Yesterday something happened. It's another one of those things that rips at my heart. The lady got drunk the night before last. She didn't call me that night, but I knew she still drinks. But like my sponsor said, she knows what AA and the program is about, so I never did "preach" or try to pound it into her head.

She called about 5 AM. She drank so much it worried her. She asked me to help her get into a detox unit. I wasn't feeling the greatest yesterday, but I called my sponsor. He told me to "get over there now, It'll take your mind off your own problems." He proceeded to tell me my problems could be worse; he and his wife were planning her funeral because she has a terminal illness. Then he had the nerve to tell me to call him and he'd come to help me get her into the hospital if I wanted him there. He'd do a 100-mile round trip for this lady who he didn't even know her name, in the midst of his wife's final days. I know his wife too, and she'd probably say and do the same thing.

I called a good friend I know who works at Roasary Hall in Cleveland. He told me what to do. I did it.

When I hugged her goodbye, I think maybe I left my heart in pieces at the hospital door. I've taken new guys to detox before. I've been on 12 step calls, too. But they were strangers. This is a lady I'm close to - she's no stranger. She's a loved one.

But she's also a "garden variety" drunk, huh?

She's where she needs to be. Thank God for Sister Ignatia and Roasary Hall. Thank God for my sponsor.

Thank God for each of you that have learned how to love enough to be praying for her. And thank God for the rest of you, too.

Without each of you, a God of my understanding, a home group, and a sponsor, I wouldn't have been available to walk this path, or to stand beside a sick friend with hope.

God bless and thank you again.
Paul
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Postby sunlight » Tue Jan 13, 2009 11:15 pm

My son went back out last night. When they found him, he was blue & was rushed to the hospital. At this point they don't know if he's going to make it.

I saw the train a comin'. We know the signs - the arrogance, the stinking thinking, the isolation... He wouldn't let anyone help him, didn't need it. He had no friends & a sober mother just doesn't count.

I'm posting this because some of you have inquired about him before & he's enjoyed some of your comments & poetry & quotes. He made me a card last Mother's day that said, "I see the light. The only time it seems to fade is when I let you down." Oh God, help him see Your Light!

I know there's nothing I can do but leave him in God's hands with love. But a mother's heart still aches with sadness. :cry:

Please reach out to someone who seems arrogant & proud. Please be a friend to someone who seems like they don't need one. Please help someone today.

Thank you.
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Postby ccs » Wed Jan 14, 2009 2:27 am

love you ((((((( sunlight )))))))) praying for you both
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Postby Jools » Sat Jan 17, 2009 11:19 am

Oh ((((((((((((((((((((Sunlight))))))))))))))))))))

This disease makes us so helpless when it comes to our children. But I know your son is not hopeless because saying he's hopeless is like saying God is helpless. I will be praying for your son and for you.

My brother is a crack addict and, like you said, I saw the signs LONG b4 he actually picked the pipe back up. At Christmas time he robbed three stores, one was strong arm robbery. He's 47 years old and sitting in jail now. It's not his first time either. It's sad that he refuses to pick up the simple kit of spiritual tools laid at his feet.

Cunning, baffling, powerful.

With love,
Julie
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Postby sunlight » Sat Jan 17, 2009 1:36 pm

Hi Julie!

I am always so happy to see you on the board! No wonder your sponsor wants you to call everyday - I'm to where I want you to call ME everyday, too! :wink:

A spiritual advisor once told me that we can render God powerless by our lack of faith. :shock: This was a radical & drastic statement for me.

But, I recall talking with people in the fellowship once about someone who had gone back out. They said, "Where was God's grace then?"

My words came out almost angrily, "God does not withhold His grace from anyone! It is we who choose not to use it."

My choice today - life or death. I choose life & all that it asks of me.

I love you, Sunlight
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Postby Dallas » Mon Jan 19, 2009 12:49 am

Julie... nice to see you online.
You've been missed. Hope all is well.

Dallas
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Postby Jools » Tue Jan 20, 2009 11:09 am

Hey y'all!!!

Well things are movin' right along here in Wilmington. It's snoooooowing here today and it's so dang purdy!!! We hardly EVER get any snow so this is special for us!! :D

I allowed my son to move back in, pot smoking and all. Thing about it is, he's SOOOOO angry and hateful. He treats people so mean and that sense of entitlement I established in him all his life is in full force right now. Unfortunately I haven't learned how to not react to his anger and I get angry, end up screaming and cussing at him telling him how bad he treats people and look how I'm treating him:(!

I love you guys and I get so much out of reading what you post, thanks for helping this ole alkie today.

I'm still praying for y'all.
Missed you too, hope all is well with you too, Dallas!

Much love,
Julie
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Postby sunlight » Tue Jan 20, 2009 5:26 pm

Hey Jules,

We are so warm here that we're wearing shorts & riding bicycles! :lol:

How's the sponsor scene going? How about those fun filled meetings?
What step are you on today?

Don't stay away long cuz we get sad :( & lonely :wink: when you're gone.

Love, Sun
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Postby garden variety » Wed Jan 21, 2009 11:39 am

thanx_2hm wrote:I allowed my son to move back in, pot smoking and all. Thing about it is, he's SOOOOO angry and hateful. He treats people so mean and that sense of entitlement I established in him all his life is in full force right now. Unfortunately I haven't learned how to not react to his anger and I get angry, end up screaming and cussing at him telling him how bad he treats people and look how I'm treating him


Hiya Jewel,

Sounds like you got your hands full. This looks like a tall order, and I understand probably a lot of your feelings.

My son recently asked to move back. I said no. I wanted to avoid a similar situation and drama that you're facing. It's hard to not react to an older child's anger and hurt because some of us feel responsible for the mess they make of their lives because when we were raising them, we made mistatkes that we see coming back in our faces.

Try to remember that your son is a grown man, and he is responsible for his anger and hurt. You are not. The state of North Carolina can, and will, make it clear to him that certain forms of anger and hate are not tolerated. You are not responsible for his reactions to life.

If I pull the trigger on a weapon, if I throw a brick through a store window, if I steal a neighbor's TV, I can believe any excuse my alcoholic mind tells me. But the bottom line is that I will be held responsible for my actions by the state. I'm the one who did it . God didn't do it. My parents didn't do it.

You are not responsible for his hurt or anger. The book says "frothy" or emotional appeals seldom work. Only he can work through his issues, and that won't happen until his pain gets to the unbearable point and he becomes willing to try something different There is a direct relationship between inner pain and willingness.

Your angry responses are understandable; but they are only words on the wind to your son. You deserve the serenity you are seeking. I pray you continue to do more of the things that will keep you striving to pursue peace (such as self-sacrifice and unselfish constructive action) and less of the things that block the sunlight of the spirit.

I know that isn't an easy task, and my heart goes out to you.
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