I hope this brightens your day.. I have just read your poem 'who drives the bus'.. I loved every line. Thats me to a 'T'.. after 17 years of sobriety I tried to drive the bus. Didnt crash it that day but 3 years afterwards did. I crashed it up every day for two and a half weeks untill it wouldnt move any more. The people on the bus brushed me off and give me that book again. That was 6 weeks ago. God can do all the driving from now on lol. I am a danger to myself and all around me when I try to drive that bus. Thanks a bunch my friend. With regards to your illness. You are in Gods hands. Don't worry about tomorrow, God is already there. I love you.. Mike oxoxo.918gma wrote:For lack of a better place to put this, I choose here. I guess I choose here because I help create here along with Dallas back when I thought I had all the answers. Today I don't have any thing but a disease called alcoholism.
A week ago today, after a speaker meeting, I called home from the road and told my daughter in law that I was going to the emergency room, because I didn't feel well. I told her that I was going to come home first and clear some things up, because I knew in my heart that I would be admitted into the hospital that night. She said Mom, don't even come home because if you do, you won't go and you need to go. It was true, I had been ill for some time. I didn't know how ill, because I refused to give into it. I fought it like I have fought every thing else I have ever come in contact with my whole life. But that night for a reason I can not explain, I could not fight any more. Every thing I had in me was gone. I walked into that emergency room powerless and defeated. The only thing I had going for me at that time was that I still had not taken a drink. I am still sober. That by the grace of God has still not changed.
But I now understand powerless in a way that I before had only believed I understood. In the blink of an eye, my health has taken a turn that has left me with no doubt in my mind that my life is now completely out of my control. It is the most frightening feeling I have ever known. I can't drive, I can't walk without holding on to some thing or some one. I can't do any thing with out help. I don't know if this is permanent or not, I only know that it is no longer my decision as to what is in store for me. Kay is well and I am having to rely on my family to help me with her another new one for me, and for my family. They now see what it is I have done myself for so long. This has been an eye opener for my whole family. I thank God that I have them, because I am now totally dependant on them.
I share this with you not asking for pity or sympathy, but for me and you to both see how our lives can change from one moment to the next.
I believe I am here at this point in my life because now it's time to see what God has in store for me, not what I feel he needs to do for me. It is his will that I am here and I must accept his will for me and do what he wants me to do. I just have to find out what that is. but that will come I believe that. I know that God would not have brought me here to dump me on my but and leave me for dead. Today I am an open book with blank pages. Now the real work must begin. Thank you for letting me share. I will be on line a lot I suppose because I can't work, I will need your experience strength and hope to see me through. Yes my friends it is true I 918GMA admit I am powerless and am asking for help truthfully and honestly for the first time in my life and I am scared to death but I love you all and I know you are there fro me as I am for any of you.
So you need to talk, you want to vent, share, what ever I am here. Thank you
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